


If Only It Were True

by TheLateNightStoryTeller



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe Cophine, Based on the novel, DYAD and Neolution show up, F/F, I haven't even read it, I mean so loosely, Sci-Fi, Supernatural - Freeform, When I say based on the novel, my friend in high school just loved it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-01-10 09:03:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 57,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12295881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLateNightStoryTeller/pseuds/TheLateNightStoryTeller
Summary: After graduating, Delphine is beginning a new chapter of her life starting a new job in a new country. Cosima on the other hand, thinks she might have come to the end of everything. When they meet in a tiny apartment in Toronto, their stories collide but the further they dig into Cosima's strange condition, the more they realize how entangled their fates really are.





	1. Chapter 1

Delphine was exhausted by the time she walked through the front doors of her building, but she couldn’t keep the smile off her face as she waited for the elevator. She was alone, most of the other residents were already asleep, and she had the elevator all to herself all ten floors up to her new apartment. Her new identification badge was still clipped to her shirt and, as she rode up, she took it off to admire it.

Her first real job since graduating with her PhD. And an exciting one too, a large scale clinical study using artificial parasites to deliver gene therapy. She’d always found host parasite relationships fascinating and here was one, an artificial lifeform meticulously designed by the incredible minds at DYAD, that would actually be saving lives. Her work was interesting, it was important, and it was challenging. It was everything she could have asked for and it had led her across the ocean to the brave new world of Canada.

It was a little lonely, being so far from home, but she was sure she’d meet new people eventually and at twenty-eight it was long past time for her to strike out on her own.

She reached her floor and walked down to her unit, the last one on the right beside the stairwell, and unlocked the door. In the pitch darkness, she fumbled to remember where the light switch was, finally illuminating the mostly empty space after several seconds of searching along the wrong wall. The furniture she’d ordered was late arriving, but she didn’t need much yet anyway except for the mattress and temporary metal bedframe she’d bought the day she’d arrived.

For a moment, she debated having a bowl of cereal, but she’d eaten at the meeting and as satisfied as she was with her first day of work she really was ready for that mattress.  So instead she headed straight for her room, setting her bag down on the kitchen island on her way. She changed into an old t-shirt and a pair of pyjama pants with multicolored DNA strands on them which her brother had ordered for her for Christmas one year, and dragged herself to the bathroom.

Already her eyes were drifting shut and she closed them as she brushed her teeth, humming cheerfully to herself through the toothpaste.

“What the hell!?”

Her eyes snapped open at the sound of a woman’s voice behind her and she screamed, spraying toothpaste over the sink, when she saw her reflection in the mirror.

She spun around, holding the toothbrush out like a knife to defend herself, rigid with fear.

“Who are you?” she demanded, hoping she sounded more intimidating than she felt. “I- I’ll… I’ll call the police.”

The woman narrowed her eyes at her, crossing her arms. “And tell them what? That you broke into my home?”

“What?” Delphine gasped.

Maybe there had been a mistake. Could they have given a key to someone else too? But wouldn’t the other woman have noticed Delphine’s things in the apartment? No. She wasn’t going to trust that this stranger was benevolent. Her grip tightened on the toothbrush and she looked past her shoulder, planning her exit. She was small, shorter than Delphine, and she seemed thin rather than muscular but she was wearing a long-sleeved shirt so it was difficult to tell.

As Delphine debated, the woman grew impatient. “What are you doing in here?” she demanded again, tilting her head and taking a step towards her.

“Stay away from me,” Delphine warned, waving the tooth brush at her as she backed up into the sink.

“Seriously?” the stranger asked, raising an eyebrow at it. “What are you going to do with that? Clean me to death?”

She seemed almost amused and Delphine wondered if she was thinking that she could easily make short work of this stupid, helpless woman wielding a toothbrush. The stranger tilted her head, swinging a couple of her dreads as she did so, and regarded her curiously. She took another step forward and Delphine jumped, swiping the toothbrush threateningly towards her.

“I said stay back!” she warned shrilly.

“Jeez, calm down,” she said, raising her hands defensively. “I’m not going to hurt you or anything.”

“Why are you in here?” she asked suspiciously, refusing to lower her guard.

“Uh, I live here,” the woman answered indignantly. “Why are you here?”

“I live here,” Delphine told her firmly.

She snorted. “No, you don’t.”

“Maybe there was a mistake…” she conceded slowly, still not lowering the toothbrush. “I’ve only been here a week.”

“I’ve been here for, like, a month,” the woman told her impatiently. “You haven’t been here for a week. Why don’t you just put that thing down and we can talk about this…”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Delphine shot back and she felt like an idiot as soon as she said it.

“Yeah, I already brushed my teeth,” she answered straight faced and it took a few seconds for Delphine to realize she was joking.

Despite herself, she found the corner of her mouth twitching up in amusement. Encouraged, the woman gave her a gentle smile, taking a step back and raising her hands in the air.

“I promise, I’m not going to hurt you,” she said sincerely and something in her face made Delphine inclined to believe her. “I don’t like violence, I don’t even eat meat. I just want to figure out why you’re in my bathroom. That’s all.”

She backed out of the room, into the hallway so that Delphine could pass through the door and she did, rushing past her all the way to the living room. Only when her back was to the front door, and she’d undone the lock and placed her hand on the handle, ready to flee, did she manage to calm herself down.

The other woman didn’t seem afraid of her at all, but as she walked through the living room her expression clouded and forehead furrowed in confusion.

“Where’s all my stuff….?” she asked. Her head snapped around to Delphine who jabbed the toothbrush towards her again at the sudden movement. “Shit. Did you just rob me? Stop, stop waving that thing at me. What the hell is going on?”

“I didn’t…” Delphine said quickly, shaking her head. “It was empty when I arrived.”

“A week ago, yeah, right,” the woman scoffed. “You haven’t been here for a week. What are you doing here?”

“I live here!” Delphine insisted.

“No, you don’t!” the woman shot back. “What is all this?” she demanded, gesturing around to the boxes Delphine had left all over the floor. “Were you packing up my stuff? Are you going to sell it all to some pawn shop?” She spotted Delphine’s bag sitting on the kitchen island. “What is this? Your burglar kit?”

“Don’t touch that,” Delphine snapped, a bolt of alarm shooting up her spine at the thought of this woman stealing all her personal information she'd brought for her first day of work. She had her passport and her security pass in there.

But she didn’t stop, she just kept moving towards it and before she knew what she was doing, Delphine had thrown the toothbrush at her.

The stranger let out a grunt of surprise, stumbling backwards and raising her hands to protect her face and then it… continued past her and clattered to the floor.

No. It hadn’t gone _past_ her. It has been about to hit her right in the face, Delphine had seen it. It hadn’t gone past her it had gone _through_ her. And she’d… changed… as it had. Just for a moment, so brief Delphine would have missed if she’d blinked, but for a moment her body had rippled, as if it were made out of water.

The woman spun around and for a long time they both stared at the toothbrush. After a moment, the woman turned back towards Delphine, looking scared.

“That… did that just happen?” she asked.

“I don’t know.” Delphine shook her head, unable to believe it even after seeing it with her own eyes. “I don’t know,” she whispered.

“It did, didn’t it?” she asked weakly. Delphine shook her head but she nodded. “Yeah. Yeah it did. I felt it. That was… holy shit what the hell was that? What did you do to me?” Her hands flew through the air agitatedly as she spoke.

“I didn’t do anything,” Delphine insisted nervously. “It was you…”

Her eyes were bright and her gaze dropped to the chair that was sitting just a foot in front of her. She lifted her hand, taking a deep breath before reaching out to grab it but when her fingers passed through it, rippling again, she yelped and yanked it back.

“What the hell?” she muttered. She tried to grab Delphine’s bag, the island, a piece of fruit sitting in a bowl in the middle but each time she touched something solid her hand rippled and went right through it. “No, no, no… shit…”

She pressed her palms against her forehead, breathing heavy.

“Hey,” Delphine called, responding instinctively to her distress. “It’s OK. Just calm down.”

“Calm down?” the woman shouted. “Are you freaking kidding me? I’m incorporeal, don’t tell me to calm down!”

“We can figure this out,” Delphine soothed.

“We? You threw a toothbrush at me!” she accused loudly, shaking her hands in front of herself.

“I’m sorry,” Delphine said. “Hey.” She grabbed the woman’s hand, hoping to calm her and they both stared down in surprise.

“God, you’re real,” the woman breathed, as if she’d doubted it. “But your so warm…”

“You’re freezing,” Delphine told her. She reached out to touch her forehead with the back of her hand and the woman let her, watching her dazedly. “You shouldn’t be this cold,” she said, concerned. “Even your face. Don’t you feel it?”

The woman shook her head numbly. “No… You’re the only thing I’ve felt this whole time…”

“We need to call an ambulance,” she said, already pulling away to go find her phone but the woman gripped her hand tightly, anchoring her to where she was.

“Wait,” she whispered. “I- I can’t…” She frowned, growing pale.

“There’s no time,” Delphine answered urgently. Her body temperature was so low she shouldn't have been concsious.  

“I can’t feel my heartbeat,” she whimpered. “I can’t feel it. There’s _nothing._ Oh my God… Please…” She pulled Delphine’s hand to her chest, frightened tears building on her eyelashes. “Please tell me you feel it…”

She was like ice, cold and still. Delphine shifted her hand, searching, but there was nothing. She grabbed the woman’s arm, feeling for her radial artery but that wasn’t there either and by the time she moved onto her neck, feeling for her carotid, the woman had tears streaking down her cheeks.

Delphine shook her head, not understanding, and the woman brought her hand up to her mouth, shutting her eyes tightly.

“Oh my God,” she sobbed. Her legs gave out underneath her and she dropped to her knees, crying into both hands.

“I’m calling an ambulance,” Delphine told her.

“Don’t you get it?” the woman demanded thickly, raising her head. “I don’t have a heartbeat. How can I be talking to you if I don’t have a heartbeat?”

Again, Delphine shook her head, but she stood over her, rooted to the spot. “It’s not possible…” she breathed. “You’re not…”

“I am,” the woman insisted wretchedly. “I’m dead.”


	2. Chapter 2

Delphine let the woman sit on her bed because she didn’t have a couch and the chairs for the island weren’t very comfortable. She said she didn’t really feel much difference anyway but she seemed grateful for the gesture even though she’d still cried for about half an hour before Delphine had been able to calm her down.

Once, she’d offered her a tissue only for both of them to remember that she couldn’t actually grab anything, which had led to another loud round of tears. Delphine felt horrible that she didn’t know what to do, that she’d been living in her home this whole time without her consent, but what did you do for a ghost that just realized they were they were dead? It was uncharted territory to say the least.

Now the woman sat, puffy eyed with her knees against her chest, slowly shaking her head back and forth as if she still couldn’t believe what was happening.

“What day is it?” she asked dully.

“October fifth,” Delphine told her. “2018,” she added when the woman looked up at her.

“Oh, my God.” She pressed her palms against her forehead, her eyes moistening again. “It’s been three years. Why now? Why am I conscious _now?_ Why can’t I touch anything?” Her hands flew through the air erratically as she spoke.

“You can touch me,” Delphine reminded.

“That’s true, but it’s kind of weird,” she answered. “It doesn’t make any sense. Why you and not the chair?”

“I’m alive,” Delphine offered, pointing out the most obvious difference.

“Yeah, well, I guess that makes one of us,” she muttered. “And if I can’t touch anything, why can I sit on things? Why don’t I just… I don’t know, fall through everything? Do I have mass? Is gravity still acting on me?” She flung her hands around as she spoke, using them to accentuate her words. “It must be, but it all seems completely random. I can’t… It just doesn’t make any sense.”

She let her forehead fall against her knees with a groan and, instinctively, Delphine reached out to lay a hand on her shoulder. The cold of her body was still unnerving and it almost made her pull her hand away but this poor woman was going through enough already without Delphine acting like she was afraid of her so she forced herself to keep it there.

“You’re like an electric blanket or something,” the woman mumbled. “Your hand is so hot, but it’s not actually above normal body temperature, is it?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Delphine answered. Actually, she was often told that her hands were cold.

She sighed, lifting her head. “Yeah, it’s me. I wonder if you could take my temperature.”

Delphine took her hand back, looking her over. She had wondered about that too, how cold she actually was. And she had her own flurry of questions about what exactly this woman was and how she’d ended up here. But she was so sad, so… _human…_ it was difficult to think of her as only an anomaly to examine and not some poor lost soul.

“What’s your name?” she asked gently. “Do you remember that?”

She nodded, smiling slightly though Delphine couldn’t tell if it were melancholy or genuine. “Cosima,” she told her.

“Delphine,” she answered, extending a hand.

Cosima took it, watching curiously as they were able to grip onto each other.

“Enchantée,” Delphine added quietly.

She looked up, surprise giving way to a genuine smile. “… Enchantée,” she answered, trying out the unfamiliar word and Delphine smiled back at her, feeling a spark of affection at the way she’d decided to mirror her.

Her curiosity was endearing and Delphine admired that, even now, she wanted to understand what was happening and even now she’d latched onto the beauty of learning a new word.

“Are you from Toronto?” Delphine asked.

“No, I’m from San Fran,” she told her, smiling wistfully as she said it.

“San Francisco?” Delphine guessed. “Ooh, I’ve always wanted to go.”

“Where are you from?” she asked. “You’re French, right?”

“I was born in Lille, France,” Delphine answered. Though she was fluent in English, she knew that her accent was still very apparent when she spoke. “I moved here a few weeks ago, for a new job.”

“Yeah me too,” Cosima told her. “Uh, well… except for the few weeks part… obviously. What do you do?”

“Right now? I’m working in a clinical trial,” she said.

“Oh, cool, cool,” Cosima answered enthusiastically. “My degree was in biology too, EvoDevo.”

“Evo…” Delphine frowned, trying to understand what she was saying. “Oh! Evolutionary Development!”

Cosima nodded, smiling at her. “Yeah.” But her face fell. “I guess I don’t have a job anymore though. They don’t tend to keep on employees who don’t show up for three years. This is probably, like, the latest for work anyone has ever been.”

Delphine tilted her head, confused for a moment before Cosima shot her a half smile and she realized she was joking. Despite everything, she’d still held onto a sense of humor and Delphine wondered if maybe she’d just caught a glimpse of the lighthearted woman she’d been in life.

“Hmm, yeah. Probably,” she agreed encouragingly.

They smiled at each other briefly before the cloud descended back over them and Cosima grimaced, rubbing her temple as if she had a headache.

“This is a mess,” she muttered. “What am I even supposed to do now? Now that I’m…” She shut here mouth, swinging her head back and forth as if she were trying to shake off the truth.  

“Cosima, what happened to you?” Delphine asked gently.

But Cosima shook her head again, raising her hands up helplessly. “I don’t… I don’t know… I don’t remember. I just remember waking up for work this morning for work… um… well, three years ago… But it felt like this morning.”

“We could find out,” Delphine offered.

Cosima pressed her lips together, hesitating. “…Yeah… OK.”

“We don’t have to do it right away,” Delphine assured her. “If it’s too upsetting for you…”

“I can handle it,” Cosima insisted stubbornly, tilting her chin up at her. “It’s Cosima Niehaus.”

“OK,” Delphine agreed, nodding. She couldn’t help but admire her courage too, at confronting the truth so quickly.

Her laptop sat on a little table by the window which was serving as her desk for the moment. She went to retrieve it, turning it on as she sat back down beside Cosima, their legs dangling beside each other off the edge of the bed. While it booted up, Cosima reached out, trying to touch the keys but her hand went right through and brushed against Delphine’s leg.

“Sorry!” she exclaimed, yanking it away. “Shit, that was weird.”

“It was,” Delphine agreed, squirming from the sensation of something cold touching her _through_ her computer.

“I… had to try,” she said defensively.

“I know,” Delphine assured her. “I would have done the same thing.”

“It sucks that I can’t use a computer myself,” she commented, leaning her head back on her hands to watch Delphine log in.

“I’m sorry,” Delphine said sympathetically.

Cosima shrugged. “It’s not your fault. At least I have you here to help me.”

“And I will help you,” Delphine promised, already feeling responsible for her. “Whatever is happening to you, we’ll figure it out.”

Cosima gave her a sideways smile. “Thanks,” she said gratefully.

She opened up the browser, typing in Cosima’s full name into the search bar.

“Cosima Niehaus,” Cosima told her, watching type. “With a C. Yeah, and a u s.”

“Like this?” Delphine asked, rotating the screen towards her.

“Yeah,” Cosima answered.

She reached for the enter key but ice cold fingers curled around her hand, pulling it back.

“Just a sec,” Cosima said quickly. She sounded so scared.

“Take as long as you need,” Delphine soothed.

“It’s just… it’ll make it real, you know?” Cosima defended, staring at her name typed into the search bar. She gripped Delphine’s hand, buzzing with life-like energy despite the chill of her skin. “You’re going to help me?” she asked, turning to her with round eyes.

Delphine nodded. “I won’t leave you like this.”

All her life she’d wanted to help people. It was why she’d done her degree in immunology. She planned on dedicating her life to curing human diseases, probing into the unknown to give hope to those who needed it. As unusual as all this was, Cosima’s condition was just another mystery to solve and Cosima needed her.

Cosima nodded and Delphine felt the weight of her trust in her shift something into place between them. In that moment, they passed from strangers to partners, two people dedicated to solving the problem in front of them. “OK,” she agreed quietly. “Let’s do this.”

She took Delphine’s hand, guiding her finger towards the enter key and Delphine allowed her to borrow her hand so that she’d have control over the discovery of her own fate.

The first search result was Cosima’s facebook, followed by her university lab. The third was an article about a missing person and Cosima pointed for Delphine to click on that.

It was from 2015, the headline reading _Police seek assistance to located missing person._

There was a picture of her under the headline, grinning at the camera in a long sleeved red shirt similar to the one she was wearing now and a grey scarf.

_The Toronto police department is seeking the public’s assistance in locating missing person, Cosima Niehaus. Cosima Niehaus, 31, is a Toronto resident from San Francisco, California. She was last seen Wednesday, September 30 th at five o’clock pm…._

The article went on to describe her and then made another plea for the public’s assistance, but there wasn’t much more than that.

“Go back,” she instructed, agitatedly swiping at the air as if she could push back the page. “There has to be more. Maybe there’s another article….”

Delphine hit the backspace key, switching the search to news and they quickly found more results.

_Search for missing woman continues in Toronto. Parents plea for the public’s help._

Cosima had her hand over her mouth, her eyes bright, but the headline just below it was worse.

_Search for missing woman called off after sixteen months. Cosima Niehaus, 32, believed dead._

Delphine hovered her arrow over the article, glancing at Cosima who nodded slowly.

“Just do it,” she muttered.

The entire article was only about a page long. There was no description of Cosima this time, no plea for help. She’d been presumed dead though she’d vanished without a trace about a year earlier and no body had been found. There was a short quote from her parents at the bottom.

_“We have to believe that she’s still out there,” Dr. Niehaus told reporters. “The police have stopped searching but we won’t. We can’t.”_

Tears streaking down her cheeks, Cosima reached out to touch the screen, breaking down completely when her hand passed through her parents’ message.

“We can call them,” Delphine told her softly.

She placed a hand on Cosima’s shoulder but Cosima shrugged it off, shifting away.

“And say what?” she demanded. “They didn’t listen to the police, why would they believe you?”

“But if they heard you-” Delphine insisted.

Cosima shook her head. “That’d be like some cruel joke,” she objected tearfully. “Their daughter, calling to tell them she’s dead? It’d give them hope, just hearing my voice, and then what? Hi moms, it’s me. I know it’s been, like, three years since I last called but I’ve left my physical body and now I’m stuck like this.” She stuck her hand angrily through the laptop screen.

Her form distorted around where it went through the screen, transparent enough that Delphine could still read the text through her until she pulled it out and it became solid again.

“I’m sure they’d be glad to know where you are though,” she pressed.

“ _I_ don’t know where I am,” Cosima argued. “Am I at the bottom of a river somewhere? Did someone murder me and cut me up into pieces? Why don’t I remember?”

Delphine stared at her, her heart breaking. “I meant your soul.”

Cosima snorted. “Yeah, well I’m pretty sure that’s in the wrong place too,” she muttered. “Not many dead people end up living in some stranger’s apartment.”

“They’d want to know,” Delphine insisted. “…I would…”

She trailed off but Cosima must have heard the change in her voice because she turned to her, her expression softening. “You lost someone,” she guessed.

“My father.” She swallowed the lump in her throat, determined to put forward her point now that Cosima was listening. “But he’s not… He didn’t come back. I don’t know where he is. My family was Catholic. They told me he was in heaven but I never had faith like they did. I just…” _I hope he’s somewhere good._ “They’d want to know,” she said instead.

For a moment, Cosima contemplated what she’d said. Then she let nodded slowly. “My moms, they’re not religious either but they always taught to keep an open mind. I don’t know where they think I am but, I guess, knowing the truth must be better than wondering. Can we…” Her voice cracked and she swallowed, trying again weakly. “Can you call them? And put it on speaker so I can talk to them?”

“Of course,” Delphine said immediately. She had her phone nearby and she grabbed it, opening the dial pad. “Do you know their number?”

“They’re kind of hard to reach,” Cosima told her. “They live on a boat. It’s a long story. They’re researching language in Dolphins. It’s pretty cool actually, they’ve been working on it for almost twenty years.” She was rambling and Delphine wondered if she was nervous or stalling for time. “But I can always reach my grandpa if I need to. It’s 415 324 1984,” she told her slowly. “It shouldn’t be too late over there. They’re, like, three hours behind us.”

Delphine dialed in the number, pausing to look up at Cosima before hitting the call button. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Cosima reached out, taking her hand and Delphine let her push her finger down onto the button. It was so strange, that she could move her but she couldn’t even touch a button on a screen. Cosima was right, none of this made any sense.

The phone rang once. Then twice. By the third ring, Cosima was biting the bottom of her mouth. She’d crossed her legs underneath her as Delphine had dialed and now she sat with her hands on her lap, pulling at her fingers as it rang a forth time. And then-

“Hello?”

Cosima grinned, half-laughing, half-sobbing at the sound of the man’s voice. “Grandpa!” she exclaimed.

“Hello?”

“It’s working, isn’t it?” she wondered, looking up at Delphine with concern.

“I think so,” Delphine told her. She reached out for it, about to check, but Cosima’s grandfather spoke again.

“You think what?” he asked, confused.

“Can you hear us?” Delphine asked.

“I can hear _you_ ,” he answered. “Is someone else there? Do you have me on speaker phone. That might be why it’s so hard to hear.”

“I’m here too!” Cosima called. “Grandpa, it’s me. It’s Cosima.”

“What were you calling about?” he asked politely and her shoulders sank as they realized that he couldn’t hear her.

“I…” Delphine hesitated, uncertain.

“Tell him you have the wrong number,” Cosima said miserably. There eyes met, Cosima’s bright with pain. “He’s not going to believe you Delphine. You’ll just end up hurting him.”

Delphine sighed, almost tasting Cosima’s disappointment in the air, but she was right. “I’m sorry. I think I have the wrong number.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he assured her cheerfully. “Good luck getting the right one.” Then he hung up.

The dial tone sounded and they both stared down at the phone for several seconds, Cosima’s expression darkening. Her stillness was like the calm before a storm and, without warning, the lightning broke and she let out a cry of frustration, hitting the phone with the back of her hand.

It flew across the room and hit the far wall with a loud _crack,_ leaving a dent and probably cracking the screen before it dropped onto the hardwood floor, bouncing around erratically until it clattered to a stop.

The lights flickered, turned off, then came back on again.

She and Delphine exchanged a look, eyes widened in alarm.

“Shit…” Cosima breathed. “Was that… was that me?”


	3. Chapter 3

“Did I break it?” Cosima asked worriedly, trailing behind as Delphine went to retrieve it. “Oh… Oh god, Delphine. What did I just do?”

“I don’t know,” Delphine answered helplessly, leaning down to pick it up. She shook her head, mystified. “I don’t know…”

The screen had been completely smashed, a multitude of fine cracks spider-webbing out from the point of impact. It wouldn’t turn on when Delphine hit the power button on the side. There was no salvaging it but she had bigger things to worry about at the moment.

“Shit… I’m so sorry…” Cosima told her. “I’ll get you- wait I can’t get you a new one, right? I don’t have any money. Do I? Can I give you access to my bank account…?”

“It’s fine,” Delphine assured her. “You don’t need to worry about it.”

“It’s not fine, I just broke your phone!” she exclaimed. “I’m like… some sort of poltergeist. I didn’t think I could move it let alone… do _that._ And what was that freaky shit with the lights?”

“Maybe we had a power surge…” Delphine suggested half-heartedly. But from the look on Cosima’s face she could tell that she didn’t believe that any more than she did.

Cosima looked down at her hands, horrified. “Am… am I dangerous?” she asked quietly.

“No,” Delphine answered immediately.  

Cosima scoffed disbelievingly. “How can you know that? I have no idea what I’m capable of… what if I’d done something to you just now? What if I’d… I dunno… electrocuted your or something…”

“You didn’t,” Delphine told her. She placed a hand on her arm, waiting until Cosima met her gaze. “You lost control just now, and I’m fine. You hurt the wall and my phone, that’s all. Nothing that can’t be replaced. If you’re weren’t dangerous when you didn’t know what you were capable of, there’s no reason you’d be dangerous now.”

Cosima looked down to where Delphine’s hand gripped her arm and Delphine kept a hold of her, determined to show her that she wasn’t afraid. This was very quickly getting out of hand. Cosima was full of surprises, even to herself, and Delphine had no idea how to help her when the rules of her existence seemed set on continually shifting. But she hadn’t meant any harm.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” she mumbled. “Isn’t all of this freaking you out at all?”

“I don’t really see how the two are related,” Delphine answered and Cosima’s mouth twitched up in a small smile.

“I wonder what else I can do,” she mumbled to herself. “Can I?” She gestured towards the phone.

“You think you might be able to touch it now?” Delphine guessed, holding it out.

“I don’t know,” Cosima answered. She reached for it, then pulled her hand back, curling her fingers nervously into a fist. “I don’t want to hurt you,” she said quietly. “Can you maybe just, like… put it down or something?”

“OK,” Delphine agreed, setting it down on the table. “Like that?”

“Yeah, that works,” she said. “Thanks. OK, stand back.”

“Cosima,” Delphine objected.

“Look, you wouldn't question me if I had a welding torch, right? Or a chainsaw?” Cosima insisted.

“You’re not a chainsaw,” Delphine told her but she did as she’d asked. Cosima was right, even if she had no intention of harming her, there was no reason to be reckless.

“Thanks,” Cosima mumbled. “OK… here we go…”

She gingerly reached out her hand, hesitating just before making contact, but when her fingers touched the phone they went right through again and they both let out a sigh of disappointment.

“This is stupid,” Cosima muttered. She tried again, screwing up her face in concentration. “I can’t…” Her hand passed through it a second time. “Ugh… Are there rules to this? Like, can I only move things when I’m pissed off? Because I’m pissed off right now and nothing’s happening.”

“You were very upset before,” Delphine pointed out. “I don’t think this is the same thing.”

“No,” Cosima sighed. “It’s not, is it?” She touched her hair, thinking. “OK. OK, obviously, this isn’t something we’re going to fix in one night.”

“Probably not,” Delphine agreed.

“And you must be tired,” she pressed. “It’s, what?” She glanced at the clock. “A quarter past twelve. When do you have get up?”

“Six thirty,” Delphine answered, already exhausted just thinking about it.

“Right,” Cosima said. “So you need to go to bed pretty soon.”

“I can’t just leave you like this,” she protested.

“Well, you’re not going to stay up until we fix it, are you?” Cosima pointed out. She nodded her head towards the mattress. “Go to bed, so you can get up for work tomorrow. I’ll still be dead when you come back.”

Delphine yawned. Sleep did sound good. “What about you?” she asked. “What will you do?”

“I don’t know, try to move stuff I guess,” Cosima answered with a shrug. “Practice ghosting. Scare your neighbours. That kind of stuff.” Delphine’s eyes widened in alarm and she laughed at her. “I’m joking,” she told her. “Sort of. But I might go outside and see if anyone else can see me.”

“OK.” Delphine yawned again, her eyes heavy. “Be careful though.”

“I’ll be back in the morning,” Cosima promised her. She looked towards the door, tilting her head. “Do you think I could walk through the wall?” she wondered curiously. “Because that would be pretty cool. Like Shadowcat or something.”

Delphine frowned sleepily, shaking her head. “I don’t think I know it,” she told her.

“She’s an X-Man,” Cosima told her. “You know, mutants with superpowers?”

“Oh, like Wolverine,” Delphine answered, smiling now that she understood. “And Shadowcat, she could walk through walls?”

“Yeah, exactly,” Cosima said. “Let’s just see…”

She reached out, prodding it with her fingertips and when she found that those went through, she pushed the rest of her arm, then her torso. With one last grin at Delphine, she disappeared through the wall.

“Cosima?” Delphine called uncertainly.

“This is so cool!” Cosima exclaimed from the other side. Her head popped through and she giggled as the rest of her followed. “I guess I don’t need doors anymore.”

Her youth-like excitement was contagious and Delphine found herself chuckling along. “You can go wherever you want.”

“Well, not anywhere,” she objected. “I’m not going to go spy on people or anything. But I am going to go outside. Goodnight Delphine,” she added, already stepping back through again. She paused. “And, uh, thanks. For everything.”

“Have a good night, Cosima,” Delphine wished her and with one last sideways smile, Cosima was gone.

Delphine chuckled at her and went to tuck herself under the covers. She lay in her bed, wondering if she was going to wake up tomorrow to find this had all been some fantastical dream. It surprised her, how much she didn’t want that. Because then Cosima wouldn’t be real and despite everything, she liked Cosima very much. This clever, funny, smiling woman was unlike anyone she’d ever met and she wanted to be allowed to know her. Or at the very least, she wanted her to exist somewhere where she was OK.

Her last thought before she fell asleep was her wish that Cosima would be there again when she woke up.

///

Cosima returned to the apartment at six twenty-seven, surprised to find Delphine already up and drinking a cup of coffee at the kitchen island. It was so strange, seeing someone else living in her home as if it were their own, but she was happy to see Delphine again.

And from the way Delphine’s face brightened as she literally walked through the door, she guessed the feeling was mutual.

“You’re back,” she greeted cheerfully.

“Good morning,” Cosima answered, smiling at her.

“So?” she asked, setting her coffee down on the island.

Cosima puffed out a long breath. “I made some discoveries last night.”

“Oh?” Delphine was all ears.

She came to stand on the other side of the island, careful not to let her hands touch it because she didn’t really like the sensation of going through stuff unless it was to get somewhere.

“Well, first of all, you’re pretty much the only one who can see me,” she began.

Delphine’s eyes widened in surprise. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, weird, right? I mean, why you? Because you live here?” she wondered out loud. “But I must have tried about a hundred people outside and then pretty much everyone in this building. I think I freaked out a few cats and this one guy’s dog wouldn’t stop barking at me, but that’s it.”

“I’m so sorry,” Delphine told her sincerely.

 But Cosima wasn’t interested in her sympathy right now. She’d spent enough of the night moping and feeling sorry for herself.

“It sucks, but that’s what we have to work with,” she said with a shrug. “I don’t think I need to eat or drink either,” she added. “Which is good, because I totally can’t do either of those. And I haven’t gotten tired yet, so I probably don’t need to sleep. How did you sleep?” she asked.

“I was so tired, I fell asleep right away,” she told her.

Cosima nodded, appreciating for the first time how fragile Delphine was compared to her. She couldn’t be struck, she didn’t need food or sleep but Delphine was still vulnerable to all of these things. Delphine still felt stronger than her though, or at least Cosima felt safer when she was with her.

“When do you have to be at work?” Cosima asked.

She circled around the island, squeezing onto the chair next to Delphine. It still didn’t make any sense to her that she could sit on it but she couldn’t move it. At least she knew what to expect now though.

Delphine glanced at the clock. “Oh, in a little over an hour. I’ll leave in half an hour.”

She really didn’t want her to go. It was awful, being all alone, but she also didn’t want to make her put her life on hold just because she was a little lonely. You didn’t ask someone you just met if they could stay home from work to keep you company while you explored your afterlife. Besides, there’d be plenty of things to do until she returned for the evening.

“You’ll be OK while I’m gone?” Delphine asked, placing a hand on her arm.

Her skin was blissfully warm, and it was confusing, how good it made her feel. She thought that she might have a crush on Delphine, but it was difficult to say for sure since she was also touch starved and craving any form of human company. Were her budding feelings for Delphine about her, or were they just about having _someone_?

She did like her compassion, and her intelligence. Her ambition, her hair. She had amazing hair. Cosima kept catching herself staring at it. Golden curls that fell in spirals around her pretty face. And her smile had charmed her right away, light, almost shy but wonderfully genuine.

“Yeah,” she answered with a sideways smile. “Of course. That trial sounds important too.”

“Oh, it is,” Delphine told her. “But so are you.” She gave her arm a squeeze before letting go and returning to her coffee. “Which is why I’d like to use some of our resources to help you.”

“How are you going to explain that to your boss?” Cosima asked skeptically.

Delphine looked away. “I... it could be a secret, for now.”

“You mean you’re going to sneak around?” Cosima asked in surprise.

“This is important,” she insisted.

“What if you lose your job?” she objected.

“It wouldn’t be anything that incriminating,” Delphine promised. “I’d just like to run a few tests. Maybe determine what you’re actually made of, how cold you are. Anything that might help us.”

“And run it all through their systems?” Cosima shook her head. “No. No way. What if someone found out about me?”

“Would that be so terrible?” Delphine asked.

“Yes!” Cosima exclaimed. “I’m sorry, Delphine, but I don’t know these people. What if they decide I’m a test subject instead of a person? Am I even human? Do I have rights? Or could they just stick me in a cage somewhere and poke me until they get what they want from me?”

“Of course you’re a person,” Delphine told her firmly.

“Yes, but I’m not exactly _human,_ am I?” Cosima pressed.

Delphine narrowed her eyes, shaking her head stubbornly. “That doesn’t matter.”

“Not to you,” Cosima told her. “But it might to some people. Think about it Delphine, history is full of people coming up with excuses to not treat each other as people. Do you really think this is going to be any different?”

Delphine leaned forward insistently. “This could help you,” she pressed.

“No,” she said forcefully. Delphine frowned but she was determined to make her agree. “Promise me that none of my information is going into your system. It’s my body,” she added when Delphine hesitated. “Or, uh, whatever, you know what I mean. It’s my decision, OK?”

“OK,” Delphine agreed with a sigh.

“Promise me Delphine,” she pressed.

“I promise,” Delphine answered. She placed her hand onto Cosima’s and her warm gentle touch almost put her off guard. “I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do.”

Cosima searched her face, trying to figure out if she meant that or not. As disappointed that she was that Cosima had shot down her plan, she seemed sincere. She sighed, looking down at where Delphine’s skin was pressed once again against her own and closed her eyes, allowing herself a second to savour it. It didn’t seem to bother her, how cold she was. To Delphine at least, she was human. Or if not that, at least something just as good, and she found that she trusted her.

“Good,” she said. She made herself take her hand back, getting to her feet. “Because the last thing I need is to become someone’s science experiment.”


	4. Chapter 4

While Delphine was at work, Cosima took the time to explore her old neighbourhood. Three years had changed some things. One of the roads was wider. A few trees had been cut down. An empty lot had been converted into a small shopping outlet. Other things were familiar, like the bookstore she’d visited on her first day and the coffee shop where she’d treated herself after a long day of work. Not that she could drink anything from there now.

It was sunny but she didn’t feel it. By the coats and thick sweaters people wore as she passed them, she guessed that it was cold outside, but she couldn’t feel that either. Which was a good thing because she was stuck wearing her thin red shirt. Delphine had offered to lend her some clothes but she couldn’t change into them and she couldn’t keep the ones she was wearing off, as hard as she’d tried. If she walked too far away from them, more than couple of feet, she ended up with them back on again. Which had freaked her out a little. She wondered if it meant that this form wasn’t an exact replicate of her actual body. What if she didn’t even have organs inside of her? The thought left her with a knot in her stomach… or whatever was inside her abdomen.

A little dog yapped at her as she walked by, its fur standing on end and her heart sank. She loved dogs. Big dogs, little dogs, it didn’t matter, and they almost always loved her. Now though, whatever she was scared them.  

She passed a mom pushing her little boy in a stroller and they stopped at the light together, more of a habit for Cosima since the cars couldn’t actually hurt her. She didn’t want to feel them speeding through her and her instincts were still firmly against stepping out in front of a speeding vehicle. At least some parts of her had remained the same.

The little boy stared at her and she smiled at him. Then, to her surprise, he smiled back and waved. Cosima blinked, realizing that he could see her too.

“Hi there,” she greeted warmly, waving back.

“Hi,” he chirped.

Cosima almost reached out her hand, wanting to know if he could take it in his tiny fingers, but she hesitated. She didn’t want to hurt him. Delphine might think she was safe but she wasn’t going to risk this kid on that assumption. So, she kept her distance.

“Mommy, she has glasses,” he said, pointing at Cosima.

“Who sweetie?” his mom asked.

“She has glasses,” he said impatiently, still pointing.

“OK,” his mother agreed, although Cosima knew she didn’t really see her.

The light changed and his mom began pushing him across the street. Cosima stayed behind, deciding to walk the other way instead. She found a bench and sat down on it, curling her knees up to her chest. It was cruel, being so close to alive and yet being unable to touch it. She could see the sun but she couldn’t feel it’s warmth, she could watch the bakers at the coffee shop pull buns out of the oven, but she could't smell the fresh scent of bread in the air. Almost no one could talk to her and the people who could she was afraid to be near.

She’d been so young. And she hadn’t even done anything yet. She hadn’t seen all the places she’d wanted to go, she hadn’t moved forward in her career, she’d never been in love. Her life was like a painting that had been left as the pencil sketching and she yearned to mark it with paint she’d never be allowed to touch.

Tears streaked down her cheeks and she buried her face against her knees. She wanted to go home. Not her apartment, but her real home. She wanted her moms. She wanted them to hold her and tell her this was going to be OK. She wanted them not to think she was gone.

What if she was stuck like this forever and she never got to see them again? What if they moved on to wherever they were supposed to go and she was just a glitch left behind? What about Delphine? Wouldn’t she go on with her life, grow old, move on from this world too and leave Cosima behind? Or would she leave her behind long before that? Then would she be all alone?

Her heart didn’t beat but, apparently, it could ache and she cried until her maybe stomach hurt.

She found herself thinking of Delphine, of how kind she’d been and of her promise to help her. It wasn’t true, that she was all alone. Not yet. She had someone in her corner. Now though, she wished she could talk to Delphine. She knew she was at work, and that it wasn’t her responsibility to look after her but she was already so tired of all these people who looked right through her. Delphine was the only thing that made her feel almost alive again.

It was just as she was thinking of her, wishing she there with her, that Cosima found herself disappearing with a loud crack. And then suddenly she was in a lab somewhere, sitting on top of a metal table beside a microscope and a notebook with neat, French handwriting.

Delphine looked up when she appeared and let out a small yelp of surprise.

“Are you OK?” a man sitting at the workbench behind her asked.

He was older, bald with a strong face. Cosima waved her hand in front of him, half-heartedly testing him out, but he couldn’t see her. One more adult human who was completely oblivious to her. She didn’t know what made Delphine so special, but she was grateful that she’d ended up with her.

“I… I, um, I’m fine. I just… thought I saw something,” Delphine improvised quickly.

Cosima winced. “Sorry…”

Unperturbed by the lie she’d just told, Delphine twisted around, making sure the man wasn’t looking before tilting her head questioningly at her.

“I don’t know. I didn’t mean to come here,” Cosima answered, raising her hands defensively. “One second I was sitting in a park and the next…” She snapped her fingers. “I’m here.”

Delphine looked around, and Cosima could tell how out of place she was here, butting into her life like this. It was completely inappropriate, even if it had been an accident and it was embarrassing that she’d ended up following Delphine to work like a love-sick stray.

“I’ll go,” she told her, about to get up, but Delphine took her wrist and she froze, captivated by her touch.

She held up a finger, asking her to wait and then flipped her notebook to a blank page, quickly writing something down.

_How will you get home?_

“I’ll figure it out,” Cosima assured her.

Delphine frowned at that, writing more.

_You don’t know how?_

“Uh, no. Not really,” Cosima admitted sheepishly, touching the top of her hair.

Delphine shook her head, writing again.

_Stay. I’ll bring you home after. I only have a few hours left anyway._

She paused, looking up as if she’d forgotten something, and she held out her finger again for Cosima to wait.

_I have a talk I said I’d go to. Dr. Leekie is giving it after work._

“Who’s Dr. Leekie?” Cosima wondered, looking up at Delphine questioningly.

Delphine tilted her head towards the bald man behind her.

“Oh,” she said. “That’s OK. I can wait, I guess.”

_Come with me._

“Yeah?” Cosima asked, a small smile making its way onto her face as she read it. Why not? It could be fun. “What’s it about?”

_Neolution. Self directed evolution._

“Seriously?” Cosima asked skeptically.

But Delphine was already reaching into her purse, pulling out the brochure. She opened it so that Cosima could read over the summary. It didn’t really help his case.

 _Human beings are fundamentally flawed. Frail creatures, crafted by nature, at the mercy of aging and death. Neolution gives us the opportunity at a self-directed evolution and I believe that's not only a choice, but a human right_.

“It looks kind of fringe,” she told her. Did Delphine really believe this shit? She’d seemed so much smarter than that.

Delphine shook her head, writing again.

_It’ll be fun. He’s brilliant._

Cosima sighed. What else did she have to do? Go outside and cry again? She didn’t want to become some sob story who spent her time breaking down on park benches all day. If she had to be a dead girl, she could at least be a dead girl with a social life. Right?

She smiled at Delphine, shrugging. “Sure. Why not?” she said and was rewarded by Delphine beaming back before she started writing again.

_Look around. If you’d like. You can meet me back here in two hours._

“I’d probably get lost,” Cosima admitted with a chuckle. “I’ll just stay with you, if that’s OK.”

Delphine’s smile told her that was more than OK and she hopped off the table, taking a seat beside her.

So, she watched her work, unable to stop herself from asking question after question as she did, which Delphine patiently answered. It turned out Delphine was part of a team working on a new method of gene therapy, delivery by what Cosima soon dubbed ‘the face worm’, much to Delphine’s amusement.

The worm itself was Delphine’s area. An artificial lifeform used as a permanent delivery mechanism for gene therapy. Delphine was responsible for designing its growth cycle and its attachment to the host. Which was why she was currently looking at natural parasites for inspiration. Clinical trials were supposed to start in a year, which Cosima thought was way too soon considering they’d done minimal testing on animals before this point and the face worm was still at the design stage. They were putting Delphine on a pretty tight schedule but rather than shy away from the challenge she seemed excited to rise to it.

Cosima was enchanted by the way she worked, the way her face crinkled in concentration, her clear ambition for this project, her passion. And she loved the way her face lit up when Cosima had a question. She and Cosima had discussed parasitic methods of attachment to the host for almost twenty minutes before Dr. Leekie had strolled over to inadvertently interrupt them.

Maybe Cosima would have found him less annoying if he’d been able to see her. Instead, he’d taken her by surprise by sitting down right through her, cutting her off in the middle of a sentence as she leapt back in disgust. It was bad enough passing through inanimate objects but passing through a living thing was awful. She was pretty sure she could hear his blood moving through his chest, then his neck, then his head as those things passed over her ears she’d felt her body distort around his shape.

Delphine jumped at his sudden appearance, she’d been so wrapped up in what Cosima had been saying she hadn’t heard him approach and he chuckled at her.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt your daydream,” he told her with a grin.

She’d forced a smile as Cosima tried shake the lingering feeling of Leekie off of her, grimacing as she danced around beside him.

“I was thinking about possible attachment methods,” she told him politely. “I was mentally comparing hooks and suckers.”

“And where are you with that?” Leekie asked.

“Undecided,” she admitted.

“Do you think a coffee break would help?” he suggested, leaning forwards slightly.

His eyes drifted over her face, dropping maybe a bit too low, and Cosima scowled at him, a flame catching in her stomach. Was he flirting with her?

Delphine glanced at Cosima who quickly plastered on a more neutral expression, forcing a shrug. What say did she have in this? She shouldn’t even be here, after all.

“There are a few things I’d like to finish before I leave,” she told him.

He tilted his head. “Come now, Delphine, you can’t even take a break?”

Cosima came to stand beside Delphine’s shoulder, where neither of them could see her glaring at him. He was definitely flirting and Cosima definitely didn’t like him.

“If I don’t finish, how will I make it to your lecture?” she asked smoothly and Cosima turned to her in surprise.

Was she flirting too? Or just being polite?

Dr. Leekie laughed. “Good point.” He stood up, putting a hand on Delphine’s shoulder and Cosima stumbled backwards so he wouldn’t go through her again. “I’ll see you in an hour?”

Delphine smiled. “Yes.”

Cosima moved aside to let him pass, doing a wide loop around him before taking her seat back.

“That was different,” she muttered.

“Are you OK?” Delphine asked, her features softening in concern the moment Dr. Leekie left the room. “Did… did it hurt you?”

Cosima gave her a sideways smile. “No, it was mostly just gross,” she assured her.

Delphine leaned forward, curious now that she knew she was OK. “What was it like?”

She shrugged. “Loud. Dark… I don’t know, I didn’t like it. But I, uh, think he likes you,” she added, watching Delphine’s reaction carefully.

“Oh, no, no, no,” Delphine laughed, shaking her head. “He’s too old.”

“But his mind is sexy,” she pointed out, her stomach churning when that made Delphine blush.

“I do find his work fascinating,” she admitted.

“Hmm,” Cosima answered dubiously. “Well, I don’t think I’m ready to drink the Kool-aid yet.”

Delphine propped an elbow onto the desk and leaned her head on her hand, watching her closely. “Why not?” Cosima laughed disbelievingly and she quickly went on. “I mean, what is it that has you so skeptical?” she clarified.

“It all just seems a bit too… commercial?” she said slowly, looking for the words to explain her trepidation. “Treating the human body like a commodity that needs to be fixed.”

“Sometimes it does need to be fixed,” Delphine pointed out, lifting her head off her hand.

But Cosima shook her head. “No, but I mean… The whole premise is that nature isn’t good enough. That we’re all... I don’t know… broken. Doesn’t that bother you? Doesn’t it seem just a little arrogant?”

Delphine glanced to the side, weighing her point. “Maybe a little. But I don’t think that’s really what Dr. Leekie is trying to say.”

Cosima raised her eyebrows, thinking she was being naive.

“Let’s go to the lecture,” Delphine suggested. “Then we can decide what we think.”  

That did seem fair.

She shrugged, leaning back on the stool. “Yeah, OK,” she agreed.

“Then we can go home and talk about it over a glass of wine,” Delphine added brightly.

“I can’t drink,” Cosima reminded her in amusement.

“Oh… Oh, I’m sorry!” Delphine’s eyes widened and she clapped a hand over her mouth. “I forgot.”

“It’s OK,” Cosima laughed. “You can drink if you want to.”

“Well, we can discuss it anyway,” she said.

Cosima nodded, smiling at her. “Yeah.”

Delphine went back to work and Cosima found the sour flames in her stomach over Dr. Leekie and Neolution beginning to cool. It had come so naturally, inviting her to have a drink, and she’d called the apartment their home, not just hers. Maybe Cosima was supposed to move on from this world but, for now, Delphine still acted like she had a place in it.

She may not have a physical body but she still had a home and, just as importantly, she had a friend. Whatever weird shit that friend was into.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Cosima sat snugly between Delphine and her bag, watching as the auditorium filled up. The seats were set up in a circle around a platform in the centre of the room where Dr. Leekie was already preparing his speech. White screens lined the walls above their heads so that anywhere in the circle you could view one. The setup was certainly elaborate, and Cosima had to admit she kind of liked it.

“People are going to think you’re an asshole,” she warned playfully, looking around at the crowd.

Delphine had her notebook out already, a new one she’d pulled out of her bag so that she wouldn’t need to keep writing in her lab book, and she quickly jotted down her response.

_You don’t want someone sitting on you again, do you?_

 “No, thank you,” she answered immediately, raising her hands defensively at the thought. “I hate that we can’t just talk to each other,” she added and Delphine nodded slowly in agreement.

She started writing again, her neat letters looping across the page.

_You can talk to me during the lecture. I don’t mind. I’ve seen his talks before._

 “OK. But you’re gonna regret saying that,” Cosima teased. “Or, uh, writing it.”

Delphine smiled in amusement.

“So, um, what are they,” she wondered, nodding her head towards a group of grey haired young people. She’d caught their eyes as they’d looked around the room and all of them had one white one. Just one. It was creepy. “Some kind of club?”

_Dr. Leekie attracts diverse thinkers_

“So, they’re like what? Freaky Leekies?” Cosima asked.

Delphine snorted. “Shhh,” she warned, looking around.

“You know, they can’t hear me,” Cosima reminded her in amusement. Delphine bit her lip, supressing a laugh and she chuckled at her. “Oh, my God, you can’t hold it in, can you?” she asked and Delphine giggled, shaking her head. “Sorry. Sorry, I’ll try not to make you look like a weirdo in front your coworkers.”

But Delphine was shaking her head again, writing in her notebook.

_That’s what I like about you._

 Cosima tilted her head, wondering what she meant by that. She was about to ask, but suddenly the lights dimmed around them and their eyes were drawn to the presentation.  

Dr. Leekie stood up, a stylistic blue eye projecting on the screens surrounding him and appearing inside a glowing sphere in the centre of the room as he did. There were gasps in the crowd and Cosima found herself smiling as she exchanged a glance with Delphine.

“Neolution...” he began grandly. “A philosophy of today for tomorrow, rooted in our past, in the evolution of the human organism. But before we go to the future, let me take you back 3,000 years, to the great Greek philosopher Plato and his twilight years…”

He went on for quite a while, promising great leaps forward in biotechnology that Cosima thought made face worm look tame. As he spoke, Cosima’s conviction only solidified that he meant to take apart the biology of human beings, piece by piece, and reassemble it to his liking. He spoke of tinkering at the germline level, of unnecessarily altering people before they’d even had a chance to consent and allowing these alterations to be introduced into the general population without any thought of potential consequences.

Maybe it was a bit for show. It was possible he was skimming over the negatives in order to sell his point, but Cosima still thought it was irresponsible to make promises like this when it was very clear that current research was decades away from safely doing anything close. If it was possible to do safely.

Still, she had to admit, the science was fascinating and she caught herself muttering questions under her breath more than once. Sometimes she thought she saw Delphine watching her out of the corner of her eye but whenever she turned to look, Delphine had her attention on the lecture. Sometimes she stole glances at Delphine, wanting to see her reaction to something or just to watch the way she soaked everything in.

“Now,” Leekie said at last, gesturing to the crowd. “I want you all to imagine something _you’d_ change about the human organism. Anything,” he added, waving his arms in the air dramatically. “I’m encouraging you all to dig deep and get creative here.”

Cosima nudged Delphine playfully. “Do you think he could make me breathe fire?” she asked her and her mouth twitched up in a smile.

But Leekie must have thought Delphine’s smile was for him, because grinned back, gesturing towards her. “You, for example, are still a young woman,” he told her. “But in a few decades your body is going to start changing on you. Getting weaker, more susceptible to disease. What if, in the near future, you could delay the aging process for a couple more decades? Maybe even forever. Are you interested?”

“Is he talking about immortality?” Cosima wondered under her breath.

Delphine didn’t miss a beat, smiling confidently right back at him. “And, maybe, we could learn to reverse it.”

He laughed, wagging his finger at her. “That’s the kind of ambition I like to see.”

Cosima looked between Delphine and Leekie, wondering just how on board with this fringe science her new friend actually was. It didn’t make her a bad person of course, to want to live forever. No one wanted to die. But she wondered if Delphine thought as recklessly as Leekie spoke.

The lecture ended and they were invited for wine and questions in the main hall. As the audience bustled towards the door, Delphine started writing again.

_Do you want to go home, or stay for the questions?_

A couple of people squeezed behind Delphine, their arms passing carelessly through Cosima and she grimaced as her form warped around them.

“Home?” Delphine mouthed and she nodded gratefully.

///

Delphine opened the door to let Cosima in on the passenger’s side. She knew she could have gone through it, but it seemed impolite to make her do that and, besides, she seemed uncomfortable with things passing through her.

“So?” she asked, when they’d settled in. “What did you think?”

Cosima made a face. “The truth?”

“Yes, of course,” Delphine answered.

“It all seems a little… Eugenical to me,” she admitted.

“Neolution is not Eugenical,” Delphine protested.

“OK, so what is it?” Cosima asked. “Is it Utopian?”

“Neotopian?” she suggested. Cosima sighed and she tilted her head. “You really didn’t like it at all?”

She’d seemed interested during the lecture. Delphine hadn’t been able to help stealing glances at her as she listened, enchanted by her curiosity and impressed with her questions. Already, she was growing so fond of this woman, everything about her was vibrant and exciting, and it was a bit disappointing that she seemed to disapprove so wholeheartedly of Delphine’s employers.

Cosima ran her fingers over her hair, thinking. “I wouldn’t say that. I just think… I don’t know, they’re going too fast maybe? I just don’t know if it’s safe.”

“I wouldn’t do anything I thought might put people at risk,” Delphine insisted, shaking her head firmly.

“Oh, no,” Cosima said quickly. “No, of course not. I wasn’t talking about you. And who knows what their plan really is, you know? Maybe they have this all under control. I just think I saw a lot of promises tonight without much research to back them up. And I’m Evodevo, or, uh, I used to be. So, whenever somebody talks about the future I say ‘show, don’t tell.’”

“Well,” Delphine said, smiling at her. “I, really hope I can be a part of the show someday, not just the tell.”

“Speaking of show,” Cosima added, looking around the car. “Um, can I use one of these?”

Delphine frowned, not understanding. “I don’t think you could drive it.”

“No, no, I mean, like, am I going to move with the car… or?” She waved her hands back over her shoulders. “You know, zoom.”

“I never thought about that,” Delphine admitted, uneasily. “I hope not.”

“Yeah, because physics hasn’t exactly been doing what I expect it to,” she went on. “So, you know, I actually have no idea what to expect.”

“What do you want me to do?” Delphine asked patiently.

Cosima shrugged. “I don’t think it’ll hurt me. Honestly, I’m not sure I can get hurt. You could just… back out slowly, maybe?”

Delphine touched her arm gently. “Are you sure?”

“I don’t really want to stay here all night,” Cosima pointed out. She took a breath, nodding bravely. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

“OK.” Delphine started the car, buckling her seatbelt in.

Cosima reached for hers but her hand passed through it and she frowned at it. “That’s OK,” she said resignedly. “I’m pretty much indestructible anyway, right?”

“So far,” Delphine agreed. But she really didn’t want to test that.

Very slowly, she let the car back out of the parking spot. The parking lot wasn’t busy right now, everyone else had either gone home or stayed for the question period, so she wasn’t going to hold anyone up. Not that she would have risked Cosima’s safety to avoid something so trivial.

As she moved, Cosima grabbed a hold of her arm, and when Delphine glanced at her, she saw her staring forward uneasily.

“Just tell me if you want to stop,” she told her.

“I think it’s OK,” Cosima said slowly.

Delphine continued to back up, inching her way out of the parking spot and, to their great relief, Cosima moved with the car.

Her shoulders fell and Cosima leaned back on the seat, chuckling.

“I think we’re OK,” Delphine said.

“Yeah,” Cosima agreed. She chuckled again. “Yeah, but seriously, why the hell did that work?” She shook her arms in front of her. “Why does this work but I can’t even pick up a pencil?”

“The car can move you, but you can’t move the pencil,” Delphine guessed. “Maybe that’s why.”

“Oh, yeah, yeah, that’s totally possible,” Cosima agreed enthusiastically. “I’m reacting to things, but things can’t react to me.”

“Except me,” Delphine reminded her.

“Yeah, except you.” Cosima turned to her, smiling softly and a warmth rose in Delphine’s chest. She tilted her head, studying her. “Maybe it’s just you. You know, like, how only forty percent of the population can smell cyanide? Except in this case it’s way less than that.”

“Considering how many people you’ve encountered today without anyone seeing you, I’d say so, yes,” Delphine agreed. “But there could be others.”

“You think so?” Cosima asked hopefully. “Like, maybe my…” She shut her mouth, her shoulders falling. “But, what are the chances of it being someone I know? Probably pretty close to zero…”

“It’s not impossible,” Delphine told her, but she had to agree that her chances didn’t seem good.

She knew what Cosima had been about to say. She was hoping her moms would be able to see her. Two people out of billions who may have the same ability that Delphine had, they were the ones she wanted. And Delphine couldn’t blame her, if she were stuck the way Cosima was she’d want her family too.

“At least I got you,” Cosima said optimistically. “And not some asshole who throws toothbrushes.”

Delphine turned to her, about to apologize again until she saw that she was smirking at her. When their eyes met, she couldn’t stop herself from laughing.

“You are such a brat,” she scolded in amusement.

“Hmm,” Cosima answered, unconcerned. “Yeah, so I’ve been told.”

“But I like that about you,” she told her warmly.

Cosima’s smile widened. “You do?”

She nodded. “I do.”

///

Back at the apartment, they lay on Delphine’s bed, giggling together.

“Why haven’t you ever gone skinny dipping?” Cosima laughed.

“Why have you?” Delphine chuckled.

“Because it was fun,” Cosima told her.

Delphine laughed again and she thought she was probably pretty tired right now and it was making her giddy. Cosima didn’t get tired anymore. Or at least, she hadn’t yet. She couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat. Giddiness though, that she could feel, and when Delphine gently grabbed her arm, still laughing from deep down in her belly, she found she could feel butterflies too.

They were laying on the bed beside each other because Delphine was exhausted and she didn’t have a couch yet.  She’d tucked herself in under the covers and Cosima sat on top because they just went right through her anyway. Besides, she was so cold she actually might give Delphine a chill laying under them with her if she could. The thought of that left her with something unpleasant squirming in her stomach, but she shook it off when Delphine spoke again.

“OK,” she said when she had calmed. “Have you ever been in love?”

“Wow,” Cosima sucked in a breath. “You just dove right in there.”

“Is it too personal?” Delphine wondered, back peddling.

“No.” Cosima laughed. “There’s nothing to tell. I haven’t. I mean, there was this one girl in grad school but it didn’t work out. I think I loved her?” She shook her head. “I still love her, but I don’t know if I was ever in love. Like, pit of the soul kind of love, you know?” She threw her hands up, letting them fall back onto the bed noiselessly. “My moms have that, but maybe I just don’t know how to love someone like that.” She tilted her head, looking down towards her. “What about you?”

“No,” Delphine told her. “Not like what you said.” She was quiet for a minute. “It scares me.”

“To be in love?” Cosima asked, confused.

“To lose it,” Delphine answered quietly.

“Yeah, I get that,” Cosima agreed. “You know, they say it’s better to have loved and lost but what if that’s just sour grapes?” She laughed roughly. “Or maybe I’m just agreeing because I have sour grapes.”

“Sour grapes, what is that?” Delphine asked, yawning.

“Oh, it means, like, when you can’t have something so you decide it isn’t worth having,” she explained. “Like the fox who couldn’t reach the grapes so he decided they were probably sour anyway.”

“Oh, but I like sour grapes,” Delphine mumbled drowsily.

“Me too,” Cosima agreed. She was silent for a moment. “And… I guess I’d probably like being in love too…” She waited, but no response came and she tilted her head again to look at her. “Delphine?”

But the other woman had fallen asleep. Poor Delphine was right out. She hadn’t slept much last night and it was late again when they finally got into bed. Cosima, who couldn’t follow her into her peaceful slumber, didn’t blame her for succumbing to it now.

She still had her hand on Cosima’s arm and for a while she lay beside her, feeling her warmth and the rush of blood across her palm. There was still so much for her to learn about herself and her mind whirred with questions nagging to be explored, but she found she couldn’t bring herself to leave Delphine’s side. Even unconscious, her presence made Cosima feel safer.

And it wasn’t just because she was the only one who could touch her or see her. Delphine was special in a way that went beyond what her eyes, ears and skin could sense. She was brilliant, and kind, and fun. She was passionate and daring and unlike anyone Cosima had ever met. This crush was real, and it was quickly growing inside of her. She herself may not be real anymore, but her developing feelings for the woman laying next to her certainly were.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Weeks passed and Cosima and Delphine settled into a routine. Every morning over breakfast they would discuss what Cosima had learned about herself during the night as Delphine slept, then she’d let Delphine go to work and continue to test and hone her abilities.

And oh, did she learn.

She could move things. It was difficult, and even with a lot of practice she hadn’t been able to move anything much denser than a grape, but it did mean that she could read if Delphine printed a paper for her or left a book open. And she’d learned how to tap the keyboard on a laptop so as soon as she learned the key strokes to replace the mouse and touch pad, which she couldn’t use, she had access to the internet which was pretty awesome.

Delphine bought herself a new phone but Cosima couldn’t use that. Touch screens just didn’t work for her, the same went for the touchpad. That was fine though, she still felt guilty about breaking her first one, she didn’t really want to touch this new one anyway.

When Delphine came home from work, they discussed what Cosima had learned during the day, and Cosima was always eager to hear about her work. She might not like Dr. Leekie, but Delphine’s project was fascinating and was probably going to help a lot of people. Delphine didn’t think like Leekie did anyway. She didn’t want to fix the human race, she just wanted people who were sick to have better options. The more Cosima got to know her, the more certain she was of her character… and the stronger her feelings for her became.

Delphine was amazing. And she and Cosima had clicked right away. They could talk for hours about anything and everything from breakthroughs in science to a new series on Netflix. Sometimes she’d follow Delphine out too, if she was shopping for groceries or going for a walk, and Delphine had learned to take a Bluetooth headset to avoid drawing too much attention to herself.

Crowded stores weren’t that great for Cosima. People stared past her or worse walked right through her and she hated it. Sometimes little kids would see her. They had to be very young, under the age of three, but they saw her and sometimes they’d even wave. It was nice, to be seen by someone new, but it also rekindled Cosima’s fear that she could somehow hurt them the way she’d damaged the phone and she steered clear of them when she could.

The park was nice, especially when it was quiet. Delphine and Cosima took long walks between the trees, listening to the birds and laughing at the squirrels. Sometimes Cosima would practice throwing leaves around, kicking at them until she stopped going through them and managed to make contact, and she’d convinced Delphine to join her more than a few times. She’d said that she was only doing it so no one would be suspicious of leaves flying around for no reason but, from the grin that spread between her ears as she did it, Cosima suspected she also enjoyed it.

She had also figured out how to teleport. Which was really freaking cool. She could go anywhere she’d been if she remembered it well enough, which included the apartment and the coffee shop down the street but not Delphine’s work. She could teleport to Delphine though, and she didn’t have to know where she was. She just had to think about her hard enough and, poof, there she was. Delphine was the only person she could do that with though. She’d tried it with her grandpa, her moms, her friends, anyone she could think of, but it only worked with Delphine.

Cosima’s sudden appearances had startled Delphine a few times but now she was used so used to it, she wouldn’t even look up from what she was doing as she greeted her. Which was weird because Cosima was pretty sure she didn’t make any noise when she appeared.

Today Cosima was riding in with her to work. The design for her face worm was nearly complete and Delphine wanted someone to practice her proposal on before she presented it to the board.

Cosima was riding with her top sticking up through the roof of the car, watching the world race by. She couldn’t feel the wind, and fortunately she couldn’t feel the rocks and bugs going through her, but she could feel the exhilaration of going so fast. She spread her arms out, laughing and shouting as loud as she could before hopping back down into her seat with a giggle.

Delphine was laughing at her. “I still wish you wouldn’t do that,” she told her, but her smile lightened her words.

“Oh, c’mon, don’t be such a worrier,” Cosima objected. “What am I going to do? Die again?” Delphine shot her a look and she shrugged. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you don’t end up having to call ghost 911.”

“I think I’d be on my own,” Delphine admitted with amusement.

“Hmm, yeah, probably,” Cosima agreed. “You nervous?”

“About the proposal you mean?” she teased. “Dr. Leekie thinks I’m ready,” she told her uncertainly.

“Hmm,” Cosima muttered. She still didn’t like Dr. Leekie. He was arrogant and irresponsible and on top of that, he definitely had a thing for Delphine. “OK, but what do you think?”

“It should go well. I hope,” Delphine answered.

“Would it help if I sat in the back of the room and made faces at you?” Cosima asked mischievously.

Delphine chuckled. “Having you there will help, yes,” she agreed. “And you can make faces if you want.”

She glanced at her, her eyes shining with affection that was as warm as her touch and Cosima’s chest fluttered. There were times when she wondered if maybe, just maybe, Delphine felt the same way she did. But she always pushed away the thought as quickly as it appeared. What good would that do them? They could never be together.

“A few of my colleagues want to celebrate tonight,” Delphine told her. “I know you don’t like crowds. I thought, maybe we could do something after?”

“If you’re not too tired,” Cosima answered. “You don’t have to bail on your real friends because of me.”

Delphine frowned, shaking her head. “You are my real friend… aren’t you?” she added, glancing anxiously at her.

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Cosima assured her quickly. “I just mean, you know, your friends who are real. Not that we’re not real friends just that I’m not, uh, really a real person, you know?” Delphine raised an eyebrow at her. “I just think it’d be good for you to hang out with people who are like, still breathing and everything.”

“I don’t see how-“ she began but Cosima cut her off, prickling with annoyance.

“Don’t. Don’t… don’t say I’m not different from them, because I am,” she insisted.

“Not to me,” Delphine argued mulishly. “Not in the ways that matter,” she pressed when Cosima shot her a skeptical look.  

Cosima said nothing, leaning back against the seat. She felt bad about ruining the mood when this was supposed to be Delphine’s day, but she needed her to understand what she already knew deep down, that whatever she was to her it would never be enough while she was like this. A real friend could grow old with you, a real friend had their own life and their own people and was a whole human being not the half empty shell that Cosima was. There were too many things she couldn’t give her, Delphine needed someone more solid in her life too. Both literally and metaphorically.

Delphine glanced at her again, reaching out to touch her hand briefly and as much as Cosima knew she should pull away, she just couldn’t do it. Delphine didn’t say anything, just held it for a moment, giving it a squeeze as if to say ‘you’re here, I feel you’, and Cosima couldn’t help a small sideways smile.

“We’ll celebrate,” Cosima said as Delphine took her hand back to the wheel. “If not tonight than tomorrow night. I’m proud of you,” she added.

“Oh, it’s just a small step,” Delphine said, blushing.

“You’ve worked so hard though,” Cosima insisted. “Between that and trying to figure all this out.” She gestured to herself. “You’ve done a lot.”

It was incredible, how tirelessly she worked without losing her passion for either endeavour. It was one of many things Cosima admired about her.

They exchanged a glance, smiling at each other, and Cosima wondered how it was possible to fall this hard, this fast.

///

Later that day Delphine sat in her little office upstairs, checking emails before she went to lunch. Cosima hadn’t gone home yet, she was off exploring the building. Delphine hadn’t seen the harm in her looking around, as long as she didn’t go anywhere Delphine herself wasn’t allowed to go.

It was good for her to have something to do outside of that apartment and, honestly, Delphine was starting to worry about her. Their discussion in the car hadn’t been new. Though she tried to put on a brave face, it was clear that her current situation was dragging her down and they still didn’t know how to fix it.

And… honestly… Delphine was a little afraid of what would happen when they did. Was Cosima supposed to move on from this world? Would she ever see her again? It was selfish, she knew, but a small part of her was dreading a solution to this problem as much as Cosima’s mounting depression drove her towards one.

She couldn’t keep her. She wasn’t some pet to wait for her in her apartment until she came home. Existing in this way, trapped between life and death, was cruel. Delphine knew that, she just wished with all her heart that it wasn’t so.

Leaning back in her seat, she touching the side of her hand to her lip and stared blankly at her screen, her chest aching. Someone had told her once that people touched their faces when they were trying to comfort themselves but, although the action did seem to calm her roaring heartbeat, the ache remained just as strong. 

“Delphine!”

She turned her head, cheering at the sound of Cosima’s voice when she apparated beside her. “Are you enjoying yourself?” she asked with amusement at her gleeful expression.

“You have to come see this,” she said breathlessly.

 It was strange, she didn’t need to breath but when she was excited her physical form reacted the way a human body would. She had no pulse but she could blush, she could sigh even though she didn’t actually breathe, functions that mimicked a living body.

Delphine tilted her head questioningly but Cosima was already grabbing her hand, pulling her to her feet.

“Come with me,” she urged. “It’s… there’s… um, well, you just have to see it for yourself.”

She was bouncing around, giddy with excitement and Delphine chuckled at her, caught in it despite her confusion.

“OK,” she agreed, allowing her to lead her. She scooped up her Bluetooth, putting it into her ear as she and Cosima made their way down the hall.

“I guess you can take the elevator, right?” Cosima said, motioning for Delphine to press the button. “It’s in the basement. I had to take the stairs and I know I don’t get tired but I still get bored, you know?”

“And… I have access?” Delphine asked, hitting the down button for them.

“Of course,” Cosima assured her. “I told you, I wasn’t going to sneak around anywhere. I kept my promise. But wait until you see what I found.” She grinned, flashing her teeth and the elevator dinged to let them in. Cosima bounced inside, pulling Delphine along behind her. “Awesome, it’s empty. You kind of suck at pretending to be on the phone.”

“I do not!” Delphine objected, pressing the button to bring them down to the basement.

“Uh, you do,” Cosima teased. “You always look right at me. And you’ll talk about things as if I can see them.”

Delphine shrugged. “No one’s noticed.” Cosima continued to beam at her, bouncing on her toes a little, and she laughed. “So? What is it you’re showing me.”

But Cosima shook her head. “It’s a surprise.”

The elevator door opened to the basement and Cosima pulled her out. There wasn’t much down here. Delphine had been there before, it was just more labs. Maybe she’d found someone working on something particularly interesting but this seemed… more than that.

At the third lab from the elevator, she stopped.

“You’re going to have to knock,” she told her. “I don’t know if your card will let you in. You said it doesn’t work on all the labs, right?”

“Only the ones I need access to for my work,” Delphine told her. “And I’ve never been here.”

“OK, cool.” Cosima gestured dramtically to the door. “Go ahead.”

Raising an eyebrow, Delphine tapped lightly on the door.

A man answered, short brown hair and glasses, wearing a plaid shirt underneath his lab coat. He chuckled awkwardly when he saw Delphine.

“Hi.”

“Um…” Delphine glanced quickly at Cosima, unsure what to do next, and the man followed her gaze.

“Oh, Cosima, you’re back,” he said brightly. “This is the friend you were talking about?”

“Yeah, this is Delphine,” she told him.

Delphine looked back and forth between them, her eyes wide. “You can…” But she clamped her mouth shut when she realized she had no idea how much this man knew.

“Yeah.” Another awkward snort. “We can all see her.”

“All?” Delphine shook her head, mystified.

The man moved over, letting her in and revealing a group of scientists playing a complicated looking board game on a large table.

“Delphine, this is Scott,” Cosima introduced, gesturing towards the man who’d let her in. She turned to the table. “And these are Painmaker, Doomsday and Hell Wizard.” The three of them waved, just as awkward as Scott, and she leaned towards Delphine, lowering her voice. “I, uh, I’m pretty sure those aren’t their real names.”

Delphine could only stare. It was good news but a flock of uneasy questions were pecking at her. How much did they know? Could they trust them to keep Cosima a secret from DYAD? Who were they? And why did all the people who could see her work for the same company?

“You should have seen them when I came in,” Cosima added mischievously. "I scared the shit out of them."

“You walked right through a wall!” Painmaker protested.

“Yeah, we thought you were a ghost or something,” Hell Wizard added.

“She is a ghost,” Doomsday reminded him. “Uh, aren’t you?”

“I mean… yeah, you could call me that,” Cosima agreed. She shrugged. “I’m dead and I can walk through walls so, yeah, I’m a ghost. I guess.”

“Cool,” Doomsday mumbled.

“Cosima, can I speak to you outside for a moment?” Delphine asked.

“Sure,” Cosima agreed cheerfully. “Be right back guys,” she told them. “We’re just going to have a team meeting over here.”

Delphine led her out of the lab and into the hallway, checking to make sure no one was listening to them.

“You don’t look so thrilled,” Cosima commented, her expression falling when the others couldn’t see her.

“I’m just… concerned,” Delphine admitted. “About you. Do we really know anything about these people?”

“I didn’t know anything about you when we met and that turned out fine,” Cosima pointed out. Delphine bit her lip and she smiled encouragingly. “I get it, OK? I told you not to tell anyone you worked with and here I am telling everyone you work with. But…” She chuckled softly, eyes shining. “They can _see me,_ Delphine. And maybe that means other people could too.”

“Can you touch them?” Delphine asked.

“I haven’t tried yet,” she told her. “I don’t want to freak them out. I know you’re used to it but I bet it’d scare people to feel how cold I am.”

Delphine sighed. “It’s good news,” she admitted.

“You don’t sound like it is,” Cosima objected, tilting her head as she tried to meet Delphine’s gaze.

Was she being too overprotective? It was Cosima’s decision who to trust, wasn’t it? She just hadn’t expected her to dive in headfirst, revealing herself to the first people she’d come across. But she hadn’t had much of a choice after they’d seen her walk through a wall, had she? To Delphine, it all seemed to be happening recklessly fast but it hadn't been Cosima's fault and it was certainly true that, considering the bigger picture, this was a good thing.

“It is,” she told her firmly. “It’s wonderful.” She smiled at her, warmed when Cosima grinned back. “They can see you,” she breathed, letting the excitement of that statement sink in for the first time.

Their hands met in between them, tangling together and Cosima nodded like a bobble head.

“They can see me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, Cosima made a social media account called geekyghost where she posts pictures of herself lifting objects and pretends she's just really good at photoshop. She also blogs about breakthrough's in science, cute animals, and anything related to science fiction and fantasy.


	7. Chapter 7

Delphine returned to the basement lab after lunch, glad to find that when Scott answered the door, Cosima had left. What she needed to do next was going to be a lot easier without her there.

“Hi,” he greeted, awkward but friendly

He seemed like a sweet man and if it weren’t for the strength her growing love for Cosima, Delphine might have lost her resolve.

“Can I come in?” she asked soberly.

“Um, sure,” Scott agreed, moving aside to let her through.

She glanced both ways down the hall before as she stepped inside, ensuring he door was closed behind her and that all four of them were present.

“Where is Cosima?” Delphine asked.

“She went to see if anyone else in the building could see her,” Scott answered. “She thinks it could have something to do with the location.”

Delphine nodded. That made sense and of course she would pursue it.

“Do you, like, want a tour or…?” Hell Wizard asked.

“I can only stay a minute,” she told them. “I have to get back to work.” She eyed the board game, still sitting on the workbench and received the desired effect of the men shifting uncomfortably. “Everything you’ve learned about Cosima today needs to be kept to yourselves,” she warned them fiercely, charging right to her point. “You must not tell anyone about her existence, is that clear?”

They glanced at each other, nodding nervously at her tone.

“Good,” she told them curtly. “Because if any harm comes to her, I promise you I will make sure none of you ever work in your fields again.”

Wide eyes stared at her and she knew how she must be coming across to them. This wasn’t going to make her any friends but she didn’t care, not when Cosima’s safety was at stake.

It was Scott who spoke first, and the sincerity in his expression eased her worry just a little bit. “We don’t want anything to happen to Cosima,” he assured her. “And… maybe we can help? We could sneak her into one of the MRI machine upstairs…”

But Delphine shook her head. “She doesn’t want DYAD involved.”

“We won’t tell anyone,” Painmaker objected.

“That doesn’t matter,” Delphine rubbed her temple, wondering with a twist of her stomach if any of them were going to have enough sense to keep Cosima safe. “The machine runs through their system. They’d have access to anything it recorded. You don’t think they’d notice that she isn’t alive?”

“Oh yeah.” Scott looked embarrassed and Delphine stared at him flatly.

“Just stay out of this unless Cosima asks you for something,” she pressed. “The best thing you can give her now is your discretion. Do you understand?”

More nods, faster this time. Delphine wondered if they were afraid of her. She didn’t like the thought of that, but it was probably for the best if they were.

“You shouldn’t have food in here,” she added, gesturing toward their coffee cups with a nod of her head.

She saw herself without saying goodbye.

///

Cosima met Delphine at home, apparating into the kitchen just as she walked through the door.

“How was it?” Delphine asked, setting her bag down on the island and, although she did her best to look optimistic, she couldn’t keep the tension from her shoulders as she spoke. “That wasn’t a long game.”

Cosima had been invited to play a board game with the other DYAD scientists after work. They’d started when Delphine had left half an hour ago but judging by the complexity of the board and the number of pieces required to play, Delphine had expected it to take much longer.

“They’re all really nice,” Cosima told her. “Complete dorks, but I like them.” She narrowed her eyes at Delphine, reproachful. “And, apparently, you threatened them after lunch today.”

Delphine half laughed half huffed indignantly. “They told you.”

Already they were proving that they couldn’t keep things to themselves. The knot growing in her stomach tightened.

“Yeah, you really freaked them out,” Cosima accused. She took a step towards her, crossing her arms and shaking her head in confusion. “Why?”

“I needed to make sure they weren’t a threat,” Delphine told her.

Cosima scoffed. “Seriously? Have you seen them? They’re like baby bunnies.”

“We don’t know anything about them,” Delphine pressed. “And they work for DYAD-“

“So, what?” Cosima argued. “So do you. Why are you trying to blow this for me?”

“I’m not!” she objected instantly. Cosima raised an eyebrow and she shook her head fiercely. “I’m happy that you found other people to spend time with. It’s good for you. Like you said, we need other friends.”

Cosima’s face fell and she dropped her gaze unhappily. “I said _you_ need real friends,” she mumbled.

This again.

“Cosima…” Delphine objected.

But Cosima ignored her, continuing to mumble under her breath. “And… maybe… I don’t know… you’re single now and… never mind…”

Delphine narrowed her eyes. “You want to match me up with one of them?” she asked incredulously.

They were nice enough, but even if she were interested she was pretty sure she’d blown her chances with any of them. It didn’t matter though. She didn’t want a boyfriend, she just wanted to protect the wonderful person she already had.

“No,” Cosima answered. “I just… never mind.” 

She wouldn’t meet Delphine’s eyes, her cheeks red and her expression distinctly unhappy as she stared at the ground.

Suddenly, Delphine understood. Something had been growing between them beyond their close friendship. She could feel it deep down in her chest every time their eyes met or their hands touched. It had been in the back of her mind, swirling formless around her heart but, until this moment, it hadn’t been solid enough for her to see it for what it was.

Trance-like, she lifted her arm and brushed her fingers along Cosima’s jaw, moving to rub her thumb over her lips. When Cosima glanced up at her with sad hunger in her eye,. Delphine’s heart stirred. She was so beautiful. Her eyes, the shape of her face, the way she half smiled when she was joking or trying to reassure her and the grin that stretched across her cheeks when she laughed.

“Cosima…”

She whispered her name gently, calling to her, and Cosima responded by boldly stepping forward to press her lips against hers.

Delphine closed her eyes, her stomach fluttering and her heart pounding in her chest. She’d never had a first kiss like this. It wasn’t the cold of Cosima’s lips that was new, the strangeness of her unscented body, but the way the kiss- the way Cosima- flooded right through her. She filled her up until her she thought she would burst but just as she moved to wrap an arm around her neck, the lights flickered and Cosima pulled abruptly away.

“I can’t,” she mumbled, her eyes on the floor again.

“It’s only a few lightbulbs,” Delphine told her gently. She reached her hand out gently but Cosima backed away.

“I’ll hurt you,” she said dejectedly.

“You wont,” Delphine pressed, shaking her head but staying where she was.

Cosima laughed harshly. “You don’t know that though, do you? One kiss and the lights go on and off, what happens next? Are you next?”

“You’ve never harmed another living thing,” she reminded her firmly.

“Yeah, and what if I don’t hurt you right away?” Cosima challenged. “What if that’s not even the issue? What if we start something and then I… I don’t know… pass on? Or you realize you can never introduce me to your parents, or tell anyone about me, or let me take you on a real date. This doesn’t end well for us, Delphine.”

“Cosima…” Delphine murmured, but she had nothing to say to counter any of that. It was true they’d always be on borrowed time. They had no future together.

Cosima closed her eyes, tears leaking out. “I have to go.”

Delphine reached out to her again, pleading. “Don’t…”

But she blinked out of the room before she could finish and Delphine was left alone in the apartment, grappling with the sudden surge of conflicting emotions wreaking havoc on her heart.

///

Cosima didn’t go back to the basement lab, she went to the park instead to sit on a bench and look out at the lake. It was twilight, shadows of people walking along the trail against a navy-blue sky, birds singing their last song of the evening and it would have been beautiful if she hadn’t hurt so much.

 She’d been so stupid making a move like that, even if Delphine had invited it. Before she could have just pretended there was nothing there but now the box was open and the painful truth had leapt out of it.

She could still taste the way Delphine had said her name, so filled with longing, and it was worse to know that she wanted this too. If only Delphine had moved to Toronto earlier, if only she’d stayed alive instead of disappearing off the face of the Earth…

“Why am I here?” she shouted, raising her head to the gathering clouds. “I don’t understand, what is this?” She didn’t expect an answer. There was nothing out there, she knew that. Just like she had nothing left ahead of her. “Why am I like this?”

She screamed in frustration and the bulb on one of the lamps lining the path hummed and then burst into pieces, scaring a couple walking by. She had to get away from them… be away from people… but there was nowhere she knew how to go where they wouldn’t be.

Lifting her head, she looked out at the water, wondering if she’d be able to swim. She wouldn’t feel the cold, or any pollutants that were likely in the lake. Maybe she could walk right out over her head and be fine. She didn’t need to breath anyway, right?

But she thought of her body, fallen into a lake, swollen and swept away to rot on some isolated shore and felt too sick to look at it. She hated not knowing where she was. She’d never been buried, never had a casket or a tombstone. Instead she’d been left unclaimed to decompose and it shouldn’t have mattered but it did. It mattered a lot.

It hurt and she wanted Delphine. So much that she found herself at her side before she’d had a chance to stop herself.

Delphine was sitting at the kitchen island, staring red-eyed into a cup of tea and when Cosima had appeared she’d sprung instantly to her feet.

They stared at each other for a long time. Cosima willed herself to go again but she couldn’t find the strength to leave her for a second time. Eventually, she burst into tears and Delphine rushed forward to wrap her arms around her.

“I don’t want to be like this,” she squeaked. Delphine kissed her hair, cradling here head against her chest, but she didn’t say anything. What could she say? “I want to find my body. I can’t… I don’t want to be missing… I don’t want to be dead…”

The microwave turned on, fueling her despair which only made the fan over their heads start to spin on top speed, but Delphine ignored them and stroked her hair, crying with her and holding her tighter when Cosima clamped onto her. She wasn’t afraid of her at all. She’d wanted her, even dead and cold she’d still wanted her, and she was more concerned for her now than she was about the appliances.

Her arms were so warm, so safe. Other people could see her now. She could go to someone who this wouldn’t be as complicated with, but they weren’t Delphine and she knew deep down that she’d have loved her in life as much as she did in death.

The toaster started, popped, then started again, as Cosima continued to cry into Delphine’s arms but Delphine herself remained unharmed.

She had a couch now, and a coffee table and a TV stand, and she took Cosima to the living room so they could sit on the couch. The TV turned on as they sat down, flipping through the channels as the lights turned on and off.

“I’m sorry,” Cosima chocked. She buried her face in Delphine’s chest to stop the flashing but she couldn’t block out the noise. “Oh, god… I can’t make it stop….”

“It’s OK,” Delphine soothed. 

 She held her tightly, kissing her hair every now and then or rubbing her back and murmuring that she was there into Cosima’s ear until the microwave turned off. Then the fan. Then the lights stopped flickering and, at last, the TV shut off.

Delphine kissed her cheek and Cosima wondered if she could taste her tears. She couldn’t. They weren’t hot or salty, they weren’t even wet and they disappeared instead of drying as she calmed down. Kisses trailed down her face, to the corner of her mouth and without thinking she turned her head so their lips would meet. Delphine took her face between her hands, kissing her long and deep, and that she could feel like the pull of the ocean.

Cosima was sitting beside her, half on top of her now, but she broke away slightly, butting their foreheads together.

“I’m scared,” she whispered. She pulled her head back, searching Delphine’s face.

Delphine smiled encouragingly at her, her eyes warm and her cheeks wet with real human tears. “I’m not.”

Cosima gave her head a small shake. “You need someone real,” she mumbled helplessly.

“You are real,” Delphine told her. Cosima shook her head again but Delphine stroked her cheek with her thumb, her words strong with conviction. “I want you.”

_I want you._

Their eyes met, sparks between them, and Cosima couldn’t hold herself back anymore. She kissed Delphine, letting the lights flicker as her skin burned from the heat of Delphine’s touch. It was like she had fire under fingers and everywhere they went the flames sunk gently inside of her. She hadn’t truly appreciated how cold she’d been until those flames started to fill her with warmth, and letting Delphine touch her like this was almost like coming back to life.

Delphine tugged at the bottom of her shirt and she helped her pull it over her head, knocking her glasses as she did it.

“Of course. I’m a ghost but I still need glasses,” she joked.

Delphine chuckled softly at her before pushing her backwards to kiss her neck and Cosima closed her eyes, her whole body humming like it had in life, and she realized she could be turned on. She could feel all of this. She could tip off the edge and lose control.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen,” she whispered, tangling her fingers in Delphine’s hair.

“Do you want to find out?” Delphine asked into her skin. She sounded nervous too, but just as hungry for this as Cosima was.

Cosima shuddered. _Yes._ She kissed the top of Delphine’s head, dropping her hands to her shoulders, then down her arms, lifting at the bottom of her shirt. She wanted all of her, wanted to touch every inch of blazing skin.

They explored each other, life and death meeting, fire and ice, and it was probably like nothing anyone had ever experienced but it was intoxicatingly familiar too and Cosima felt all of it. She felt and felt until every electronic in the apartment was going haywire but nothing of her abilities went anywhere near Delphine and, at last convinced that it was safe, she surrendered herself to her completely.


	8. Chapter 8

Cosima lay half on top of Delphine, squished against her on the couch in the dark. She was even warmer underneath her clothes, her skin soft and hot like a warm bath. It was amazing and it filled Cosima right down to her core.

“I don’t think the light is coming on again,” she said. Delphine chuckled. “It’s not funny,” she insisted, but she couldn’t help smiling too.

“I’m going to take it as a compliment,” Delphine teased affectionately.

Cosima lifted her head to grin at her, and when Delphine held up her hand she slid their fingers together, looking down contently at where they joined.

“OK,” Cosima murmured. Delphine’s eyes were soft but a shudder passed through her, her teeth clattering together. “Hey, are you cold?” she asked, sitting up in surprise. She felt like a sun.

“A bit.” But her lips betrayed her, trembling as she spoke.

Cosima raised an eyebrow. “A bit?” Unconvinced, she got up, walking over to the small blanket folded neatly at the end of the couch.

“What are you doing?” Delphine asked curiously.

“Just a sec,” Cosima told her.

She screwed up her face, concentrating, and to her satisfaction her fingers closed around the fabric and she was able to tug it. Slowly, and with some difficulty, she managed to pull it over Delphine. Twice it fell through her fingers but she was able to lift it back up again after a couple tries and Delphine waited patiently, staring at her with undisguised adoration.

“Better?” she asked when Delphine was completely covered.

Delphine smile at her. “It’s perfect,” she said softly, making Cosima’s heart glow.

Cosima knelt down beside the couch, taking her hand and gently kissing it. Delphine stroked her hair, tracing her fingers along her scalp, and a contented stillness settled between them.

“I still don’t understand why you did it,” Cosima said eventually.

Delphine frowned. “I don’t know what you mean.”  

“Why you went after the guys,” she told her. “I thought you’d be happy with DYAD involved…”

“You don’t want them involved,” she reminded her, slowly shaking her head. She laced her fingers through Cosima’s, her expression serious. “And besides I…” But she trailed off, pressing her lips together anxiously.

“It’s weird, right?” Cosima said, guessing what she was thinking. “Everyone who can see me works for the same company…” She leaned her chin on the side of the couch, absently playing with Delphine’s hand. “That can’t be a coincidence.”

Delphine sighed. “No. I don’t think so.”

“Sorry.” Cosima winced apologetically. “I guess this is kind of a mood-killer, isn’t it?”

“It’s important,” Delphine said.

Cosima lifted her head, leaving a light kiss on Delphine’s lips before giving her nose a nudge. “So is this.” But she pulled back, her smile faltering at a prickle of uncertainty. “Uh, whatever it is…”

Delphine’s expression was fierce with conviction. “I meant what I said,” she told her.

“It won’t be easy,” Cosima warned.  

“You’re worth it,” she answered, fire shining in her eyes.

Delphine lifted her hand to caress her cheek and Cosima smiled at her, leaning into her touch. After a moment, she kissed her again, breathing her in even though she couldn’t smell anything. She could feel her, her warmth, her life, her affection, and maybe that could be enough. It felt like they were sealing a deal and, for better or worse, it was a promise she intended to keep.

///

“I think we should investigate DYAD,” Cosima announced the next morning.

Delphine was sitting at the island, halfway through her coffee and munching on a piece of toast.

“I think so too,” she answered, to Cosima’s surprise. “It’s too obvious a lead for us to ignore it.”

“Yeah,” Cosima agreed. “But what exactly is it?” she wondered out loud. “Did they do something to you guys?”

“I had a number of vaccinations before I started work,” Delphine told her grimly. “They insisted that I get them through the company.”

“Shit,” Cosima muttered. “So, what, you think they’re experimenting on you guys or something?”

“I don’t know,” Delphine admitted.

Cosima frowned, her stomach twisting. “Are you safe?” If something happened to Delphine, she didn’t know what she’d do.

Delphine munched on her toast, thoughtful. “I think it’s better if they don’t know I know anything,” she said eventually, not really answering the question. “And it may be nothing. It could just be a coincidence… but I don’t think so. And I think if we can figure out why I can see you, we might be able to figure out why you’re like this.”

“Yeah, I hope so,” Cosima mumbled.

Neither of them said anything about what might happen after that. If Cosima found a way to move on she had to take it. Whatever was supposed to happen to her, she knew deep down in her soul that this wasn’t it. Even if the thought of leaving Delphine broke her heart.

“You can go anywhere in the building,” Delphine went on, skimming over the discomfort hanging in the air between them. “And you know the layout by now. I can use my position in the company and you can go where I can’t.”

“This is probably totally illegal,” Cosima worried. “But, so is experimenting on your employees, right?” She rubbed her head, wondering how things had gotten so complicated so fast. “Just… just be careful OK?”

“You too,” Delphine warned.

Cosima narrowed her eyes. “Me? They can’t even see me.”

“Cosima,” Delphine leaned towards her, speaking slowly. “If they’re doing something to us so that we can see and touch you… they must know that you exist. It’s even possible that it’s you they want.”

“I never thought of that…” Cosima sat down on the chair next to her, processing that information. “OK. So, what do we do? Just go in and look for something suspicious? And then what? Do we call the police?”

“That depends on what we find,” Delphine answered. Cosima raised an eyebrow. “Our goal is to fix whatever’s happened to you,” she went on. “If we think a police investigation might jeopardize that, we may need to handle it from another direction.”

“OK,” Cosima agreed, letting out a long breath.

Delphine took her hand, giving it a firm squeeze. “We’ll take it one step at a time. Today, I just want to do an examination of myself and the others. I want to know what they’re capable of before we risk sneaking around.”

“Do you think it’s hurting you?” Cosima worried.

“I don’t think so,” Delphine told her. “And… it’s terrible that they’ve done this without our consent, but I don’t regret being able to see you.”

Meeting her eyes, Cosima managed a half smile. She was scared, for both of them now, but Delphine made her brave and she squeezed her hand back, rubbing her wrist with her thumb before letting it go so that Delphine could finish eating and get ready for work.

///

 “Where did you say she was sending this stuff to again?” Scott asked.

He was sitting beside Cosima at her and Delphine’s apartment, sipping one of the juice boxes Delphine had bought for the occasion and watching as Delphine took another vial of Painmaker’s blood.

“New York,” Cosima answered, still watching Delphine. “She has a friend from University who works in a medical laboratory there. We’re driving down tomorrow morning. Delphine’s going to let them take her blood there so they have at least one fresh sample.”

“That’s a long way to go when we have a lab right here,” Scott commented. “She’s really paranoid, isn’t she?”

Cosima glanced at him, wondering if he was thinking about Delphine’s earlier visit to their basement lab. “You know this is serious, right?” she asked carefully. “Like, human rights violations serious. We have no idea what they did to you guys… or why.”

“Yeah, I know, I know,” he answered. “I peed into a cup for this.”

She snorted, unable to keep the smirk off her face. “She asked for your pee?”

“And a cheek swab, and my family history,” he added, reaching for a cookie from the box open on the coffee table. “She even took hair and fingernails.” He paused, turning the cookie between his fingers with a frown. “Are we in trouble, Cosima?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “But Delphine and I are going to figure this out. And until then we really need you to keep quiet about it, OK?”

“Or else…” Scott began, glancing uneasily at Delphine.

“Delphine’s on our side,” she assured him.

“She scares me,” Scott admitted.

“Yeah…” Cosima touched her hair awkwardly. “Sorry about that…”

She really didn’t have any defense for Delphine’s behaviour, even if by now she kind of understood it. Besides, Scott _should_ be scared. Just not of Delphine.

“Maybe that isn’t a bad thing,” Scott told her. She raised an eyebrow as he took a bite out of the cookie, waiting for him to finish before he spoke again. “Maybe she’ll scare DYAD too.”

Cosima turned back towards Delphine, watching her pack away the blood sample with a now familiar searing look of determination across her face. She’d been like a hurricane this whole time, and each new revelation only made her pick up speed. They were really lucky to have her on their side.

“Maybe she will,” she agreed.

///

They made the drive to Rochester, New York in four hours, stopping along the way for Delphine to eat. It wasn’t actually too far from Toronto, but they had to drive around Lake Ontario to get there. They didn’t have any trouble at the boarder, although Cosima felt odd passing through without a passport herself, even if it was back into her home country.

“Welcome to the United States of America,” she said jokingly as Delphine crossed the bridge over the Niagara River. “I’d give you a tour but I’m West Coast, not East.”

“Does it feel different?” Delphine asked. “Being home?”

“Well, we had a better government back when I was alive,” she answered evasively. Delphine glanced at her questioningly. “Maybe it'd be more familiar if you stopped at an Applebee’s,” she said, switching to humor but Delphine wasn’t letting it go.

“We can fly to San Francisco whenever you want,” she told her.

“It’s over twenty-five hundred miles away,” Cosima objected. “And besides I…” She sighed. “I can’t go back like this.”

She couldn’t have her moms stare through her the way strangers in Toronto did. She was pretty sure she couldn’t handle that.

“OK,” Delphine agreed gently.

They were silent for a while, driving the highway over a town Cosima didn’t remember the name of.

“Do you miss France?” she asked eventually.

Delphine smiled ruefully. “I miss Lille. I miss the house I grew up in, the balcony over the garden, the grandfather clock in the living room. I miss the pastry shop around the corner. My family. Speaking French.”

“You know, you can speak French as much as you want to me,” Cosima teased, smiling when Delphine chuckled at her. “But I get it. I don’t miss all of San Francisco either. I mean, I lived there but everyone lives there differently, right?” She leaned back against the seat, watching the buildings give way to trees. “I miss the ocean. How massive it is, the way it smells. But I can’t smell it now, can I?” She twisted in her seat so she was looking at Delphine, watching the side of her face as she tried to explain it. “I miss sleeping in my room on our boat, out in the open water. It’s so beautiful out there, Delphine. It’s like being a piece of dust in a cup of water or, like, being in outer space. And at night there’s nothing to hide the sky.”

“It sounds incredible,” Delphine said softly.

“You should go someday,” Cosima told her.

But Delphine shook her head, glancing at her before briefly touching her cheek. “We should go.”

_If I stay that long._

“Yeah,” she answered instead, shooting Delphine a half smile. Whatever this was, it wouldn’t work if they were always waiting for the other shoe to drop. They didn’t have forever but they could live like they did. Or… exist like they did. “We’ll go. As soon as we make sure you and the guys are OK, OK?”

“Maybe I’ll take you to Lille someday too,” Delphine added. “I’ll show you where I grew up.”

The Pacific then Lille France, it sounded like a date. Cosima squirmed onto her side, resting her cheek against the seat to watch Delphine drive and tried to ignore the needles in her stomach, a hundred little pinpricks for all the things they could never have.  

///


	9. Chapter 9

Cosima held onto Delphine’s wrist, sitting in a nearby chair as Delphine’s friend disinfected the area on her arm where she would draw her blood. It was a nice room, antiseptic and boringly white, but there was also a painting of a creek on one wall and a couple of stuffed animals on a shelf in the corner that Cosima guessed were for the younger patients.

The sock monkey stared at her with its button eyes, as oblivious to her as Marie Beraud was, but she ignored the uneasy sensation of being invisible and dutifully rubbed her thumb over the side of Delphine’s hand as her girlfriend’s other hand made a fist. She winced slightly as the needle went in.

“Ouch. Good thing I’m a ghost not a vampire,” Cosima teased, watching in amusement when that made Delphine’s mouth twitch up at the joke.

She didn’t reply though, she couldn’t in front of Marie, but it didn’t matter. She knew Cosima was there, could feel her holding her hand, and that was all they needed right now. Even if being able to joke together would have been better.

Marie and Delphine were talking as she drew her blood. Delphine had initiated the conversation in English for Cosima and fortunately Marie had gone along with it without giving it much thought despite the fact that the two women were Francophone.

“It’s OK, you don’t have to make accommodations for me,” Cosima had told her, remembering what she’d said in the car about missing her first language, but Delphine had continued on in English anyway.

It was what she always did. She always made sure Cosima felt like she was part of what was happening around her, even when they both knew she couldn’t possibly be. And she was grateful for it, but a small part of her still worried she was dragging Delphine down into the void of half-existence with her.

“What is this about, Delphine?” Marie asked slowly as she labelled the first vile. She looked up at her friend, eyes gentle with concern. “Why did you drive all the way here? What are you looking for?”

Delphine’s eye twitched briefly towards Cosima. They’d discussed this during the car ride, what she was going to say. Delphine trusted Marie, once upon a time they’d been very close friends, and both she and Cosima had agreed on telling her something close to the truth.

“I believe I may have been exposed to something at work,” she answered her carefully. “A few colleagues and I have been showing… unusual symptoms.”

Maria stared at her, eyes narrowing curiously. “Such as?”

But Delphine shook her head. “I’m sorry Marie, I can’t tell you. I’m not the only one involved…”

“I understand,” her friend answered kindly. “And if you really are in trouble, I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

“Thank you,” Delphine said gratefully and she smiled at her.

“So, have you met anyone nice in Toronto?” she asked, changing the subject as she drew another vial of blood. She wiggled her eyebrows. “Anyone _very_ nice?”

“I have,” Delphine answered shyly.

Cosima had been watching the blood pool into the vial but she looked up at that, her heart fluttering.

“Oh?” Marie pressed.

This time, Delphine risked a full glance at Cosima. It was only a second, but she must have seen something in the way Cosima tilted her head at her, holding her breath in anticipation of her answer, because she blushed before continuing.

“It hasn’t been long, but I like her very much,” Delphine went on with a small smile. “She’s intelligent and funny and… and she gets me, you know?” Cosima rubbed her thumb along her wrist, beaming under her blush as Delphine continued. “She’s very cheeky sometimes, but I like that about her.”

Cosima chuckled and Marie laughed.

“Is she kind to you?” Marie asked.

“Yes, she’s very sweet,” Delphine answered softly.

“Hm. Does she have a brother?” Marie wondered with a grin, making both Delphine and Cosima laugh.

“No, she’s an only child,” Delphine answered.

“That’s OK,” Marie mused. “You’re a catch too, but I wouldn’t date Rémi .” Cosima recognized Delphine’s brother’s name. “I’m happy for you,” she went on, placing a small bandage over Delphine’s pin-prick size cut. “I just hope you figure out whatever is going on with you and your colleagues.”

Cosima gripped Delphine’s wrist tightly, her smile falling, and Delphine’s expression turned sober.

“So do I.”

///

That evening, Cosima and Delphine lay holding each other on top of covers of the hotel room bed, discussing what Delphine had uncovered.

“What do you think they are?” Cosima asked, tracing her fingers down Delphine’s arm, winding around the tiny bandage.

She was on her side facing Delphine who lay on her back staring up at the ceiling, her expression unreadable. She hadn’t said much since they’d discovered the tiny particles floating in Delphine’s blood. So small they’d almost missed them under the microscope, they’d turned out to be everywhere. In her blood, her skin, her hair, even her pee. They must replicate themselves somehow otherwise she’d have shed them by now. The others had them too and they looked organic but they were definitely synthetic.

“We’ll need to do more tests. But I think they’re probably what is allowing me to see you and touch you,” she answered quietly.

“That probably means they’re in your nervous system too,” Cosima added, her stomach lurching at the thought.

This was what had brought them together, an infection of foreign objects spread throughout Delphine’s body. Whatever these things were, they were experimental technology that likely hadn’t even gone through a clinical trial. If it had been approved, DYAD wouldn’t have needed to inject them into their employees without their consent. They had no idea what the side effects could be. What if the very thing that allowed them to be together could hurt her too?

“I’ll ask Marie if she can perform a spinal tap tomorrow,” Delphine mumbled. “She’s been so kind about all of this.”

Cosima kissed her shoulder, thinking unhappily about how much that was going to hurt, and Delphine turned her head towards her. She reached out her hand, gently caressing the side of Cosima’s face, but her eyes were sad.

“You should have dinner with her,” Cosima suggested, not really ready to talk about what all this meant for the two of them. “I’ll find something to do.”

“You’ll be all alone,” Delphine objected.

“So, what?” Cosima gave her a sideways smile. “I can do ghost things in a new city. I probably can find a museum to visit. Undead get in free, you know.”

Delphine chuckled, her eyes soft as she brushed he backs of her fingers over Cosima’s cheek. “Cosima I…” She pressed her lips together, searching her face. “Whatever this is, I’m glad I was able to meet you.”

Cosima smiled but she found she couldn’t say the same, not if these little invaders could hurt her. Not if they made her and the others sick.

She leaned forward, planting a soft kiss onto her lips. “Go see your friend,” she encouraged. “I’ll be OK for a few hours. Tell her more good things about me,” she added with a glint in her eye and Delphine giggled before reaching forward for another kiss.

“I will.”

///

Cosima did end up exploring while Delphine was at dinner. She visited the Rochester Museum and Science centre, unable to help herself from sneaking behind the scenes. Might as well enjoy being a ghost, right? She followed a few of the researchers around, spying on what they were doing until she got tired of being invisible. Being a tourist wasn’t as fun alone, and although she did enjoy herself, she couldn’t bring herself to go to the National Toy Hall of Fame without Delphine. Maybe tomorrow she’d be able to convince her to go. It was closed now anyway and even though she could get in she doubted it would be as interesting in the dark.

Thinking that they must be done dinner by now anyway, she focused her thoughts on Delphine and found herself back in the hotel room. The lights had been turned off, the room lit by candles and there was soft music playing from a speaker Delphine had brought. Rose petals dusted the tables and the bed and the furniture had been moved aside so that there was probably enough room for them to dance if they wanted to.

Delphine looked up, surprised for a moment before a smile lit her face. She’d dressed up a bit, wearing a nice blouse and a pair of black pants and her hair fell in it’s usual golden curls, catching the lights from the flames.

“What’s... Um, what’s going on?” Cosima asked, staring around the room.

“I wanted to surprise you,” Delphine told her, reaching out her hand. “I realized today that we’ve never been on a real date and I thought we should fix that.”

Cosima took her hand, her chest stirring with a mixture of undefined emotions. “You did all this for me?” She looked down at her own clothes, feeling underdressed. “I can’t… I have nothing to wear…”

“That doesn’t matter,” Delphine assured her. “I think you look beautiful.”

“Yeah?” She couldn’t help a shy smile.

Again, she looked around the room. Everything had been set up so that it was either visual or auditory. There was music and candlelight but no wine which Cosima wouldn’t be able to drink or scents Cosima wouldn’t be able to smell. And it was her music playing, not Delphine’s which was mostly French. She’d set all of this up for her.

“Would you like to dance?” Delphine offered, and it was her turn to look shy, the pink in her cheeks visible even in the dim light.

Cosima met her eyes, knowing for certain that this was what being in love was, and pulled her hand to her lips for a kiss.

“I’d love that.”

They started off slow, with the awkward first steps of two people who’d never danced together before, but soon their movements became familiar to each other and their bodies moved together synchronously to the rhythm of the music.

“Did you enjoy your dinner?” she asked Delphine.

“We had a lot of catching up to do,” she told her cheerfully. “Marie is married now and her little sister is all grown and has opened her own restaurant in Pairs. I told her all about you.”

“I guess you left out the part about me being cold and incorporeal,” Cosima teased, pulling back to twirl in a circle.

Delphine lifted her arm, watching her with a wide grin. “Hmm, I might have skimmed over that,” she teased back.

“What are we going to do about DYAD?” Cosima wondered, a lump rising in her throat.

For a moment, Delphine was silent, absently swaying them back and forth. “I don’t want to talk about that right now,” she said at last.

That was fair. Didn’t they deserve one night without all this shit?

“OK,” she agreed. “Can we talk about where you got your blouse?”

“It’s from France,” Delphine told her, her smile returning.

“Yeah, I thought so,” Cosima mused.

Delphine stepped back, taking a turn to let Cosima spin her. “Do you like it?”

“It suits you,” she answered warmly. She hesitated, wondering if her next thought would bring their conversation into unagreeable territory again until finally deciding that she needed to ask. “Do you think there’s a heaven?”

“You mean the Christian heaven?” Delphine asked uncertainly.

“No, no. Not like that. I mean… just somewhere we go,” Cosima clarified. “Like… am I just a fluke? Or am I proof that we have souls? When I was in high school we dissected a pig’s brain. And it was just… so weird. I kept thinking, is this us? Like, god, is this all we are?”

“The human brain is incredible,” Delphine reminded her gently. “A biochemical super computer and we still don’t completely understand it.”

They were mostly just swaying now, wrapped up in what they were discussing, but it still felt good to move together.

“Yeah, I know that,” Cosima answered. “But it’s… finite… you know? We spend our whole lives keeping it whole and functioning but then at some point that all stops and it starts to decay. And… I don’t know… is there anything left of us after that?”

“I don’t know,” Delphine admitted. “You’re still here. I would never have believed that a few months ago. There must be something more than just our biology.”

“So what is it?” Cosima asked. “Is it spiritual? Is it physics?”

“Both?” Delphine guessed. “I mean… if it’s real, then it would have a real explanation, you know? Even if it were spiritual, we should be able to understand it.”

“Are you saying there’s the science of the human soul?” she asked with amusement.

“I’m saying there must be an explanation for you,” Delphine went on. “You exist.” She butted her nose playfully against Cosima’s. “You’re made of something. And everything that you are is contained in it, not a brain.”

“How do you know this is all of me?” Cosima wondered.

“It’s all of you I know,” Delphine answered honestly. “And you’re perfect.”

Cosima’s breath caught, her skin tingling. “No one’s perfect,” she mumbled.

“You’re perfect to me,” Delphine insisted passionately. Her voice cut the darkness, light filling up the vast empty space, and flames from the candles danced in her eyes as she spoke.

Cosima’s heart swelled and she leaned forward, stopping them in their tracks to plant as slow kiss on Delphine’s lips. Delphine took her face between her hands, her fingers brushing past her ears, and they drank each other in before pulling away, resting their foreheads together.

“Do you think there’s a place where my all of me and your all of me can be together,” Cosima murmured.

Delphine hooked the side of her finger under her chin, rubbing her thumb along her jaw. “We’re together here.”

Cosima smiled, at peace just for a moment. “Yeah. I guess we are, aren’t we?”


	10. Chapter 10

“Can we get them out?”

The Ghost Gang, as Cosima had dubbed herself and the others who could see her, was once again assembled in her and Delphine’s living room. Scott, Hell Wizard and Painmaker sat together on the couch and Doomsday perched on a stool Delphine had brought from the kitchen island. She’d brought them snacks too, crackers, cheese and grapes this time, but no one had been very hungry after hearing the news.

“We don’t know,” Cosima answered, glancing at Delphine who was standing next to her in front of the TV.

Delphine had been too anxious to sit and sitting or standing didn’t really make a difference to Cosima anyway so she’d chosen to stand next to her.

“It’s not that simple,” Delphine explained heavily. “The foreign bodies are very small and there could be as many as a million of them in each of us.”

Scott gulped and all four of them looked appropriately green.

“But you shed them,” Cosima added. “They’re in your pee so your kidneys are filtering them from your blood. And they come off with your dead skin too, and through your sebaceous glands. That’s probably why I can touch Delphine’s clothes. And, uh, probably yours too if I wanted to.”

Scott was the only one of them she’d touched at all so far. He’d been curious about what she felt like so she’d held out her hand for him to push his own against. When they’d made contact, he’d wrapped his fingers around her hand and given it a firm shake, telling her earnestly that it was a pleasure to meet her. She’d realized in that moment why she liked him so much.

And she could wear Delphine’s clothes. Briefly, an hour or so at most, but it was possible. They’d discovered it when Delphine had absent-mindedly tried to wrap a sweater around Cosima as she’d lay curled up reading on the couch and now she found herself borrowing clothes all the time. They wouldn’t teleport with her, but it was nice to be able to wear something new sometimes and she liked that they were always warm.

“We would need to deactivate the source,” Delphine told them. “We think there’s… something… inside of us producing them.”

“Like a beehive?” Doomsday asked.

“Or a parasite,” Cosima muttered darkly, crossing her arms.

“Something we could remove,” Delphine continued. “…if we chose to.”

Cosima frowned, glancing briefly at Delphine, but she wasn’t going to start this argument again in front of the guys.

Delphine didn’t want to remove it. If she got rid of whatever was producing these foreign bodies, she wouldn’t be able to interact with Cosima anymore and apparently that scared her more than whatever they might be doing to her. Cosima herself was conflicted. On the one hand, she was fine right now and it would hurt more than anything to lose her like that. On the other hand, it was still experimental technology implanted into her against her will by the sketchiest people Cosima had ever met. _Something_ was bound to go wrong.

“We haven’t located the source yet,” Delphine went on. “But we do know that the foreign bodies are organic. They have an envelope embedded with proteins from our cell membranes, like some viruses do. We think that’s why our bodies aren’t treating them like an infection.”

“Which is good,” Cosima added. “Because they’re everywhere. We’ve found them in your blood, your skin, and in Delphine’s spinal fluid and bone marrow. If your bodies started reacting to them…”

She trailed off. That was the scariest part. It was in their spines and brains, a reaction to the nasty little invaders would probably shut down their central nervous systems. It’d be certain and painful death. From the looks on their faces, Cosima could tell that they understood.

“So… um… that’s what we’ve got,” she added, glancing at Delphine who shrugged to show she had nothing else to say. “Did you guys find anything while we were gone?”

“I have information on DYAD,” Scott offered. He ran a blog on the laws and ethics of biotechnology and he’d said he’d look into if anything like this had happened before. “It’s not directly related… but it might help us figure out why they did this to us. And maybe even what they want with Cosima.”

Cosima and Delphine exchanged a look. “What have you found?” Delphine prompted.

“Have you heard of a SuperEEG?” he asked. The others shook their heads. “It’s a machine patented by Dr. Peter Hobson, a bioengineer from Toronto. Massive Dynamic- that was what DYAD used to be called- bought two in 2003.”

“They’re who hired me!” Cosima exclaimed. “Massive Dynamic is the reason I moved to Toronto… I didn’t know they were the same thing….”

“Well, you wouldn’t,” Scott told her gently. “They changed their name when they were bought out in 2016. But…” He paused, looking uncomfortable. “That does make sense….” he mumbled.

His eyes darkened, a terrible thought looming behind them and as the silence stretched out Cosima felt the air thicken around them until she couldn’t take it anymore.

“Just tell us,” Delphine pressed, evidently as on edge as Cosima was.

He took a deep breath. “A SuperEEG has a very specific function,” Scott explained. “Dr. Hobson invented it because he wanted a way to be sure organ donors were really dead before they operated. Leftover paranoia from his days working in a hospital… It tells you when people die.”

“What does that mean?” Cosima asked anxiously.

“Specifically?” Scott met Cosima’s eyes gravely. “It determines the exact moment when all electrical energy ceases in the brain… and it can tell you if that moment has already passed.”

Delphine closed her eyes, understanding dawning for her at the same time it did for Cosima. “You think they were experimenting on dying people.”

“Like me,” Cosima said dully, rubbing her temple. She felt Delphine’s hand on her arm and tried to use it as an anchor to steady herself as the room spun around her. “You’re saying DYAD may have killed me to… what?” she scoffed bitterly, giving her hand a sharp wave. “To see what would happen?”

“I don’t know,” Scott admitted unhappily. The others were deathly silent.

Cosima looked at them, these kind-hearted dorks she’d already grown so found of, her eyes lingering on Scott before she turned to look at Delphine. She was staring at her, eyes wide with concern, this perfectly amazing human being with a heartbeat and a future who she loved with her bare soul, and Cosima felt her throat close up.

She swallowed, hearing the fear in her voice as she spoke. “So, what are they going to do to you?”

“I think,” Delphine said boldly, “it’s time we found out.”

///

Cosima went with Delphine to work again the next day but this time she remained seated in the vehicle, unable to keep her eyes off Delphine as she drove.

“Don’t do anything reckless, OK?” she warned quietly. “These people are-“

“I know,” Delphine assured her quickly. She glanced at her, Cosima’s fear mirrored in her expression. “And you too. Be careful. I know you think no one can see you but-“

“They might have made me this way,” Cosima finished grimly, leaning her head against the seat. “Yeah, I know.”

“They’ll probably have some way of detecting you. Even if no one higher up in this is like me,” Delphine pressed. She turned to her again, shaking her head urgently. “You aren’t immune to them, Cosima.”

Cosima nodded numbly but Delphine had already turned back to the road. “I know,” she mumbled.

It crossed her mind that they didn’t have to do this. They could run away and leave DYAD far behind them. But Delphine was carrying their products inside of her and Cosima… she probably _was_ their product. There was no way they’d let them get very far and besides if they didn’t figure out what they’d done to Delphine and the others there was no telling what might happen to them.

Delphine must have sensed her unhappiness, or maybe given the circumstances it was just obvious, because she felt her hand gently brush the side of her face.

“Hey,” Delphine soothed. “We’ll figure it out. I promise, I won’t let them get away with this.”

There were a lot of things Cosima wanted to say to her. _I’m scared. Just come back to me. I love you._ But none of them made it to her lips.

“OK,” she murmured and Delphine gave her a brave smile.

When they arrived at the DYAD building, Delphine went up to the lab to assume her usual duties and Cosima went down to explore more of the basement.

It had been harder than she’d imagined, letting her go. Now that they were here the danger seemed more real than it had before and she kept worrying what might happen if Delphine was caught looking into something she wasn’t supposed to.

At least she knew that she could always find her. 

The basement had three levels, B1, B2 and B3 with increasingly complex security as she descended. Of course, none of that mattered for her. She could walk through any door, she didn’t need it to open and she got all the way down the staircase to B3 without a problem.

When she got to B3 however, something completely unexpected happened. She tried to walk through the wall and was repelled backwards.

Caught of guard, she stumbled a few steps back before she caught herself, alarmed but curious. She walked forward again, slower this time, testing it, and found a gentle but insistent force pushing her back. It was like trying to put the north poles of two magnets together, not quite solid but impenetrable none-the-less.

“Holy shit,” she muttered, pushing against it with her hand. She watched, fascinated as it strained against the invisible barrier. “Delphine was right…”

They had employees who could see her and now a way to keep her out of their labs? This couldn’t be a coincidence. She still couldn’t get through though. So, instead, she decided to try exploring B2.

B2 was set up more like a hospital wing. People in blue or grey scrubs buzzed around, pushing trollies of surgical instruments and needles or carrying charts onto the elevators. A few of the people looked like patients. All of the patients were women, and most of them looked very pregnant.

One woman, standing in a doorway with her belly bulging under her hospital gown, was talking urgently to one of the doctors.

“It’s just one phone call,” she told the doctor. “To my son, it’s his birthday today.”

But the doctor shook her head. “It’ll disqualify you from the trial.”

“I thought I was going to be finished by now,” she objected unhappily.

She smiled apologetically. “You had unforeseen fertility issues at the start of the trial.” The woman frowned, as if she’d been told this too many times already, and the doctor padded her shoulder. “A few more weeks.”

The woman rubbed her belly, looking uncomfortable, but she didn’t object.

“Sue, I need you. Sixty-six is in labour.”

Cosima spun around just as another doctor ran through her, motioning for his colleague to follow as he went.

“You mean Barb?” the woman in the hospital gown’s eyes widened in alarm but the first doctor was already shuffling her back into her room.

“It’s nothing you need to worry about,” she assured her quickly. “Stay here.”

“It’s too early,” the woman objected, but she did as she was told, watching the doctors bolt away.

Cosima hesitated for only a moment before dashing after them.

///

Delphine examined her growing organisms under the microscope. They were so small right now she couldn’t see them without it, but hopefully they’d grow to about the size of an eraser. Hopefully. They were only the first generation.

It was difficult to work, however, while she was so worried about Cosima. Only a few days ago she’d seemed untouchable, trapped but impervious to injury. Now though, Delphine wasn’t so sure. If someone really had made it so Delphine and the others could touch her maybe they also knew how to hurt her.

Maybe Delphine herself could damage her. She’d never thought about it, she’d never had any intention of hurting her, but now that there were others who could physically interact with her Delphine worried what they were capable of. And what happened to someone when you damaged not their body, but their soul? Would the injury follow them for the rest of their existence? Could someone erase her entirely, worse than dead, gone forever?

“You seem distracted Delphine.”

She looked up from what she was doing, surprised to find Dr. Leekie standing next to her.

“Oh… I… I’m not feeling well,” she improvised, throwing him an apologetic smile. It was true that she had a headache, probably from the stress. 

“Ah, that’s what’s been going on today,” he said. “You’re usually such a hard worker, I was beginning to worry.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, her stomach squirming uneasily. Not long ago she’d almost considered him a friend, but now his presence made her afraid. “I’m not myself today.”

“Is that why you’ve been going through our project files?” he asked casually and her heart dropped.

“I was curious…” she supplied quietly, wincing internally at how stupid she’d been.

Of course they were recording what she used their computers for. Of course they’d know what she’d been looking at. Still, she hadn’t technically done anything wrong. Not yet anyway.

Leekie smiled widely at her. “Ah, well I can help with that if you want,” he offered, a glint in his eye. “One project in particular, I think, will interest you.”

He knew.

Delphine’s blood ran cold and her thoughts leapt to Cosima, wondering how she’d warn her.

“I don’t think I know what you mean,” she said, playing dumb.

“Come now Delphine,” Leekie pressed, tilting his head scoldingly. “We both know that’s not true. You’ve seen her, haven’t you.”

Delphine shook her head but she couldn’t find the words to speak. How had she been caught so quickly?

“I heard you in the lab, talking to her after I left,” he supplied, reading her expression.

She narrowed her eyes, wondering what he meant until it clicked into place and she stared at him in surprise. “That was months ago…” Leekie raised an eyebrow and she grit her teeth, realizing she’d just confessed. “I…” She shut her eyes, letting out a long, frustrated breath. Pretending not to know what he was talking about wasn’t going to help her anymore. “Why now?” she asked, opening them. “If you’ve known for so long.”

He shrugged, smiling at her. “You’re curious. And we wanted to see if she’d bond with you first.”

“We?” It was Delphine’s turn to raise an eyebrow.

“Did you really think that meeting her was an accident?” he asked, tilting his head.

“You did something to me,” Delphine accused.

“We gave something to you,” he insisted, keeping that unsettling grin. “We gave you a gift.”

_I never asked for it._

“And what about her?” Delphine asked quietly.

Leekie chuckled, waving a finger at her. “That, is a complicated question Delphine. She’s special, just like you are. This is the culmination a decade of work… you have no idea how lucky you are that you can _see_ her.”

Fire burned in her belly and she was more determined than ever to keep Cosima away from these people. He wasn’t talking about Cosima as human being, he was talking about a product, his eyes lighting up as if she were a new toy. But she kept her expression neutral, instinctively knowing it would be safer for him to know as little about how much she cared for Cosima as possible.

“How?” she asked carefully. “How are we special?”

Leekie leaned back in the chair, lacing his fingers together. “We hired you for two reasons Delphine,” he answered slowly. “Those are the first one.” He gestured towards her growing organisms. “And the second reason is your biology.”

“You were doing more than standard blood tests before you hired me,” Delphine guessed.

“That’s true,” Dr. Leekie admitted. “We were looking for the best and the brightest of course… but we also wanted something else. You see, only a small handful of people are compatible with the technology- for now. And you’re one of the lucky ones.”

He was talking in circles and Delphine fought down her irritation, keeping her voice even, curious rather than demanding. “Compatible with what?”

He smiled, showing his teeth. “I think it’s time you found out the other reason why you’re here.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are two science fiction "references" in this chapter.  
> 1\. Massive Dynamic is the super company in Fringe that produces advanced technology (and much of the main character's problems).
> 
> 2\. Peter Hobson is a character from the book The Terminal Experiment by Robert Sawyer. He is indeed a bioengineer who invented a machine called a SuperEEG to measure the exact moment the "soul" leaves the body. Then bad things happen. So I am borrowing him and his machine from the book.


	11. Chapter 11

Cosima caught up to the doctors in a hospital room at the end of the hall. A woman was screaming, her voice strained with effort and then a much smaller cry rang out and she fell silent.

Skidding in through the door, Cosima caught sight of a young woman, sweaty and still catching her breath, while figures clad in masks and scrub caps buzzed around her. Nearby on a small table, surrounded by doctors and still squirming and shrieking, was her tiny infant.

The woman caught Cosima’s eye and for just a moment, she wondered if she could see her. Then someone injected her with a clear liquid and her eyes closed, body slumping as if she’d been turned off. Alarmed, Cosima rushed forward, right through two of the doctors, to the woman’s side.

Her skin was clammy and sticky from sweat and the grey in her face made Cosima’s stomach churn but the EKG beeping beside her told Cosima that she was alive. Eyes moistening, she reached down, trying to give her hand a gentle squeeze but passing through it instead.

“What did they do to you?” she murmured.

The baby shrieked and Cosima spun around. One of the doctors had picked up the child and was carrying it out of the room. When the door closed behind them, and the wails were cut to silence, someone lifted a blue voice recorder to their mouth.

“Infant 1324, time of death, eleven seventeen am,” he said flatly.

Cosima shook her head. “No. No they’re alive.”

What were they doing? Panicked, she bolted through the door after the child, scanning the halls for the doctors that had taken them. It didn’t take long to find them, the poor little thing was wailing like a siren, but there weren’t any patients in the hallway anymore. Only doctors and nurses.

They brought the baby to a room and Cosima followed after them, watching them set the child down on a scale.

“Infant 1324b,” the other doctor said. “Female. Six pounds eleven ounces. Born eleven seventeen am, December 15, 2018. Subject appears healthy and free of apparent malformations upon initial examination.”

The infant continued to scream and Cosima moved forward, through the doctors again, to reach out for her hand. She didn’t know what to do with a baby, how to calm her down, but she knew she’d be able to make contact even before the five tiny fingers had curled around her one.

“You’re so new,” she murmured gently. She smiled sadly at her, carefully bobbing her hand up and down. “Hey.”

The baby stopped crying for a moment, gripping her finger and staring up at her. Then, abruptly, one of the doctors yanked her away and she started to scream again.

They were moving quickly, carrying her somewhere else and Cosima rushed to follow them. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do, but she could touch the child, she could lift her up, maybe take her away from here when no one was looking. And she would find a way to get the woman out too. Get her away from this place. Delphine would help her.

But it wasn’t just them, she realized with a jolt. All those women were carrying babies and they probably weren’t the first. How many kids did they have? How many women were they doing this to? What was going to happen to the woman who’d given birth to this little girl?

What were they doing with these people?

The doctors ducked into another room, scanning a pass card first, and in her rush to follow them, she didn’t feel the barrier until she’d smashed into it and been thrown backwards right through a shelf.

She stood up, unharmed by the metal which passed right through her, and blinked in surprise as the door shut in front of her.

“No,” she breathed.

They’d put a barrier here too, around this room. She couldn’t reach the baby.

She leapt to her feet, pounding her fists against the barrier, moving her hand along it, testing it, but no matter what she tried she couldn’t get through.

“You’ve gotta be freaking kidding me,” she muttered.

Unsure what else to do now, she decided to go back and tell Delphine what she’d just seen. Humans could pass through the barrier. Maybe if she could get Delphine down here… or better yet if Delphine could call the authorities and get them down here, they’d be able to get all these people out of here.

To her alarm, however, when she tried to teleport to Delphine, she found she wasn’t able to. Terrible thoughts of what that might mean flashed through her head and she switched to focusing on the lab, popping onto the metal table to find the room empty.

“Delphine!” she called. Where was she? “Delphine!”

She teleported to her office, the lunch room, the parking lot to look for her car. It was still in the spot she’d left it in this morning, meaning she hadn’t left of her own accord.

In tears now, she teleported back into the building, searching the hallways, the other labs, the meeting room, the bathroom, anywhere she could think to go but Delphine was nowhere to be found.

_What if they found out she knows about them? What if they kill her like they killed me…_

Outside the empty lab she sank to the floor, struggling to breathe even though she didn’t need air anymore. Her head was spinning and she wondered if she could throw up. How had things gone to shit so quickly?

Then, suddenly, something shifted inside of her. She looked up, sniffing back her tears and feeling a familiar stirring in her chest. Without understanding how, she knew that it was Delphine and she tugged on it, following it like a chain to an elevator where Delphine stood expressionless beside Dr. Leekie.

“Oh my god,” she choked. Delphine didn’t react to her but she knew she couldn’t with Dr. Leekie there. “I couldn’t get to you, Delphine, I thought…”

She couldn’t hug her. She couldn’t risk moving her because someone might see and now more than ever she knew they couldn’t risk that. Instead, she reached down to take her hand, watching the small shift in her expression as she did and feeling the slightest pressure on her fingers as Delphine gave them a barely perceptible squeeze.

“You’re OK.” She laughed hoarsely, crying in relief. “Delphine, we have to get out of here.”

But she shook her head ever so slightly and Cosima’s heart sank. What did that mean? That she couldn’t leave? Why? Had they caught her.

“Delphine?” she asked anxiously.

Another small squeeze, her hand barely moved, but that was her only response.

Cosima followed her off the elevator, gripping her sleeve all the way back to the lab and sat on the desk next to her when she went back to her samples. Cosima watched her work for the rest of the day. As much as she wanted to investigate this further, she couldn’t bring herself to leave her side after what had just happened.

For her part, Delphine did a good job projecting an aura of calm. If Cosima hadn’t known better, she wouldn’t have thought there was anything wrong except for the fact that not once did Delphine try to communicate with her, even when they were alone. And Cosima didn’t object. As much as she hated being in the dark she wasn’t going to risk putting Delphine in danger.

Waiting was agony but at last the day came to an end and Delphine politely said goodbye to her coworkers, packing up her stuff and heading to her car.

“What the hell is going on?” Cosima asked when they’d gotten into the car. She’d had to go right through the door because Delphine hadn’t opened it for her this time. “Where were you?”

But again, Delphine didn’t answer.

Cosima closed her eyes, letting out a long shaky breath. At least they were leaving. At least Delphine had gotten out of the building.

They didn’t drive home. Instead Delphine parked the car at the supermarket, leaving the vehicle without looking at Cosima and veering away from the store to a quiet street behind it. She followed it, Cosima trailing behind her, until they came to a park where Delphine sat down on a bench, fishing her Bluetooth headset out of her purse and putting it on.

“Can you talk to me now?” Cosima asked anxiously. “I’m kind of starting to freak out. You won’t believe what I found-“

“You need to stop looking,” Delphine told her flatly.

Cosima narrowed her eyes, shaking her head in disbelief. “What?”

Delphine closed her eyes, sucking in a sharp breath. “I need you to stay away from DYAD.”

“Why?” Cosima demanded, prickling. “What happened?”

“I can’t.” Delphine shook her head, miserable. “I… I can’t tell you that.”

“You can’t tell me?” she echoed in disbelief. “I thought something happened to you! I thought you were dead!” But Delphine pressed her lips together, staring unhappily down at her lap where she was twisting her fingers together. “Delphine,” she pressed desperately. “Can you please just talk to me?”

“You need to go,” Delphine told her hoarsely, unable to meet her eyes. “Stay away from me.”

“What?” Cosima gasped. Her heart twisted. “I don’t understand…”

Delphine stood up, looking anywhere but at Cosima. “Please,” she whispered.

“Where am I supposed to go?” she demanded, tears stinging her eyes. “You’re living in my home.” Delphine started to walk away and she chased after her. “Hey.”

“Don’t follow me,” she hissed. “We can’t see each other anymore.”

“You can’t just go!” Cosima called after her.

Delphine stopped, turning around to stare at her with bright eyes. “I know you can find me wherever I go,” she told her heavily. “But you need to leave me alone.”

Cosima stood staring at her, her throat too tight to speak. Tears streamed down her cheeks, scentless water without the warmth of a living body.

_Please don’t leave me. Please. I need you. I love you._

She couldn’t say it. She’d never told Delphine she loved her before but it was true and this wasn’t how she wanted her to hear it for the first time.

“I’m so sorry,” Delphine murmured.

Then she turned away from her, walking back to the car, and this time Cosima didn’t follow. Instead she teleported herself to the park by the river, staring out at the cold water. It felt like someone was trying to pull her insides up through her raw throat. Her whole body trembled with her tears. A heavy hopelessness had dropped onto her chest, crushing her, making it hard to breath, to think. All she could think was that it had barely seemed to do this with Delphine's help and now she was alone. Surely, now, she was lost. 

She made her way down the bank and stepped into the water, not feeling it but feeling how it distorted her. She waded out, feeling a tug at her ankles, her knees, her hips, her shoulders, until she was over her head and the river took her and she didn’t know which way was up and down. It didn’t hurt. She wasn’t drowning. But she had darkness and silence and any physical form she’d had was lost to the water and it eased her pain, just a little, to undo herself like this.

Maybe some other time she would have been scared but the hopelessness that had overtaken her made her dull to fear. What did it matter if the river kept her? How could that be worse than living in a world she couldn’t touch? With people who she wasn’t allowed to love.

She stayed that way for a long time, lost in her despair. Eventually though, thoughts began to whir through her mind and she remembered the basement lab with the women and their babies taken hostage for some vile experiment. She remembered Scott and the others, infected against their consent. She remembered the young woman’s ashen face, her baby’s fingers curling around her thumb and suddenly she knew she couldn’t let the river have her.

She broke the surface of the water near shore, slowly separating from the water until she could feel her feet on the sandy bottom and she managed to walk the rest of the way to land. The moon was out and the park was empty so she crawled onto a bench and curled herself into a ball. The cold had never bothered her but she missed the warmth of Delphine’s touch. Delphine was gone though, done with her, and her time in the river had proven to her more than ever that she wasn’t a real thing to touch anyway.

The dead shouldn’t be allowed in the world of the living like this. It was cruel. She shouldn’t be here.

_But I am here. And maybe I’m here for a reason._

She stood up, taking in a long breath to calm herself. She’d never believed in destiny and she wasn’t sure she believed in it now, but she did believe in stopping evil when you had the power to do it. DYAD wasn’t getting away with this.

Closing her eyes, she made herself focus not on a place but on a person. If it worked with Delphine…

With a loud crack, she left the park and when she could hear again the first thing she heard was a shriek of surprise. She opened her eyes just in time to see Scott, dressed in a grey t-shirt and blue pyjama pants, tossing a bowl of Doritos in the air as he scrambled to his feet. Beside him, a fluffy grey tabby cat stood up and hissed at her.

“Woah, hey, it’s me!” she said quickly, raising her hands.

“Why are you in my living room?” he demanded.

The cat hissed again before turning to flee and Cosima stared awkwardly between the cat’s escape and the confetti of cheesy chips on the couch, table and floor.

“Um, sorry about that…” She rubbed her hair, wincing apologetically. “I, uh, I guess I didn’t really think that through…”

“How did you…?” Scott tilted his head, staring at her in confusion.

“Oh, yeah. I can teleport,” she told him. She spread out her hands, shooting him a half smile. “Pretty cool, huh?”

Scott laughed awkwardly. “Wow.”

“Um, so… is this a bad time…?” she asked.

He shook his head, maybe seeing in her expression that something was very wrong. “What’s going on?”

“It’s a long story,” she told him. She gestured toward the couch. “You might want to sit down.”


	12. Chapter 12

Scott sat on the couch amidst his Doritos, staring uneasily down at his hands.

“This isn’t what I signed up for,” he said at last. “Geez, I didn’t think this whole thing could get any worse but… They’re experimenting on little babies?”

Cosima sat down beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder and he turned to her, shaking his head in disbelief.

“I know. It’s a lot,” she said sympathetically. “But I need your help.”

“Yeah, of course,” he agreed, nodding dazedly. Then he frowned. “But… um… what about Delphine?”

“She’s not going to help us,” Cosima muttered darkly.

Scott narrowed his eyes, confused. “Why not?” he asked.

“She’s just not, OK?” Cosima snapped. Scott flinched and she sighed. “Sorry,” she mumbled, rubbing her head. “I just... she kind of ditched me. And she told me to stay away from DYAD. Which isn’t happening.”

Scott frowned. “I don’t understand. After everything we’ve learned about them. That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Yeah, that makes two of us,” Cosima told him roughly. “I don’t know. I lost track of her for, like, an hour. And then when I found her she was all quiet and wouldn’t talk to me until she drove me out to some park. Then she told me to leave her and DYAD alone.”

“Do you think she’s part of this?” Scott asked carefully.

“Like she drank the Kool-Aide, you mean?” Cosima fell silent, considering it. Had Delphine pushed her away to avoid jeopardizing her career? Worse, had she been part of this from the start? It was true that she was ambitious, but a big part of Cosima still believed that the bond between them hadn’t been a lie. It was difficult to imagine the Delphine she knew doing this to anyone. Besides, wasn’t she just as effected by all this as any of them? “I don’t know,” she said wearily. “God, I hope not. But we can’t rely on her help.”

“So, what do we do?” Scott wondered. “Call the authorities?”

“No, I don’t think that’ll work,” Cosima objected. “I think they have enough resources to cover this up. We can’t go to the police without proof.”

“How are we going to get that?” Scott asked. Cosima stared at him and his eyes widened, hands rising defensively. “Wait… do you want me too…? I- I’m not… I just work there.”

“Which is why you have access to places most people don’t,” Cosima pressed. “C’mon Scott, I can’t do this alone. I can’t even open a door.”

“You’re asking a lot,” he protested. “They’ve already done something to me and the guys… I don’t want to make it worse.”

“You work for kidnappers,” she reminded him flatly. “And they’re probably murders too. It’s already worse.’

He shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah, I guess that’s true…” He paused, thinking. “But… technically… they might not have kidnapped the children. If the mother has signed over parental rights.”

“This isn’t the same thing as adoption!” she objected, shooting to her feet. “They’re taking these kids to do… I don’t know! But I know it’s something bad, Scott. And you didn’t see that woman, she was scared.”

“I believe you,” he told her quickly and she felt her shoulders relax. “All I’m saying is that I think you’re right and we are going to need proof of abuse or breech of consent.”

“What about a sample of your blood?” Cosima offered.

But Scott shook his head. “We have no proof DYAD put them in there.”

She crossed her arms, regarding him carefully. “So, you’ll help me expose them?”

He hesitated and she let him weigh out what she was asking him to do. It was a lot, she got that, but it was also really important.

Then, very slowly, he nodded. “Yeah. I’ll help.”

///

Delphine sat in the grocery store parking lot, having lost her battle with her tears.

_You can’t just go!_

Cosima’s fractured voice played over in her head like an ear-worm, and each time she closed her eyes the image of her pained expression flashed behind them and her heart broke all over again. It had taken every ounce of will power she’d had to walk away from her but now she was frozen in her car.

She had time. If her car was being tracked, they’d think she was just grocery shopping. Unless they’d bugged it too, but she thought that at least she was doing a good job of crying silently.

Leaning back against her seat, she drew a long breath over her hot throat, trying to calm herself enough to drive home. She had no idea what she was going to do next. All she’d known was that she had to get Cosima away from her. It was too dangerous to tell her the truth but she wasn’t strong enough to lie to her about this either. If only she knew what they’d done to her.

_My poor Cosima. How could they? How could they think I’d be complicit in this?_

She had to fix this. Her fingers closed around her keys, gripping them until her palm hurt and she grit her teeth. She _would_ fix this. They weren’t getting away with it.

Her chest flared but it wasn’t just anger that drove her, it was something much stronger. It was love. She loved this strange, smart, wonderful woman with all her heart but she’d been too afraid to tell her until it was too late. But Cosima didn’t need to know for it to be true and she didn’t need to love her back for Delphine to do this for her now.

She pushed the keys into the ignition, mind already churning, ready to begin.

///

Cosima stood in Scott’s living room, staring at the small group of scientists squished together on the couch in front of her. All of them were intelligent, highly skilled in what they did, with at least a PhD in their respective fields. They were all adults in every sense of the word, so was she for that matter, but somehow this still felt too much like a room of kids planning in crayon how to take on a giant too big for them.

The guys were smart but they weren’t spies or anything. It had been one thing to rely on them for research when she’d had Delphine, but now that she was asking them to fill her shoes Cosima wasn’t entirely convinced that they could. What did any of them know about infiltrating an illegal human experiment?

Her stomach squirmed as she felt their eyes on her and she took a long breath to steady herself. They knew what Delphine had known. If she could do it, so could they.

“Um… so, everyone’s here now,” she began unimpressively. “And I think Scott’s filled you in on what’s going on…”

Painmaker raised his hand before speaking. “Are you totally sure about what you saw?” he asked uncertainly.

“They lied about an infant being dead,” Cosima reminded him firmly. “And they’ve been doing something to you guys so you can see me, without your consent. Plus, they might have murdered me. Yeah, I’m pretty sure they’re hurting these women and their kids.”

The group exchanged uneasy glances but they seemed to believe her. It helped that Scott had already backed her up.

“So, like, what are we supposed to do?” Hell Wizard asked.

“Yeah, I’m all for just leaving,” Doomsday added nervously. “This is getting out of control…”

“If we all leave, they’re going to know we’re on to them,” Scott objected and Cosima glanced at him, feeling a puff of pride at his courage.

Doomsday grimaced. “Yeah, but if we stay and they find out we’re on to them wont they just…” He slit a finger over his throat and the others looked between him and Scott, eyes round with fear.

“No one is going to make you do this,” Cosima told him.

She understood their fear. She’d felt it for Delphine only hours ago, hadn’t she? She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t thought about just taking her and getting as far away from that place as possible. And being dead already herself, she was asking them to risk something that she couldn’t risk anymore, which admittedly wasn’t entirely fair.

“Cosima’s right,” Scott agreed. “Anyone who wants to leave can. We won’t stop you.”

“But there are people in there who can’t leave,” Cosima reminded them firmly. “And I don’t know how much danger they’re in, but they’re innocent people. They’re taking women and using them like livestock to produce what they want… healthy babies that they’re going to defile.”

“Do we actually know that they’re hurting the kids?” Painmaker asked but Cosima shot him quizzical look and he fell silent.

They didn’t want to believe DYAD had kidnapped these children, didn’t want to believe that Cosima had seen them experimenting on human beings with her own eyes, because then everything that had been done to them would be real. What they’d been able to pretend was just an unethical clinical trial had mutated into a massive human science experiment and all of them, Cosima included, were the lab rats.

“I can’t make any of you do anything you don’t want to do,” Cosima repeated seriously. “But I need your help.” She reached forward, reminding them how her hand passed through the bowl Scott had left on his coffee table. “I can’t do this on my own.”

“All in favour of helping Cosima,” Scott said, raising his own hand into the air as he spoke.

The others hesitated, glancing uneasily at each other. Finally, Hell Wizard lifted his hand, then Painmaker, then Doomsday.

Cosima smiled, her heart softening for this band of unlikely heroes. “Thank you.”

///

Delphine sat at her kitchen island, reading through the files she’d been given on her laptop. She’d thought briefly of leaving the apartment, staying in a hotel instead, but Cosima could find her wherever she was and it would look strange for her to try to move now. 

She rubbed her head. This went further back than she’d thought and it was so much worse than they’d imagined. It baffled her why they thought she’d go along with it, but then again hadn’t she been going along with it all this time? Of course, she hadn’t known what the applications of her research would be but it was their word against hers and it wouldn’t be difficult for them to sell her out as complicit in this from the start.

As Cosima might have said, she was screwed. If she took them down now, she just might take herself down with them. But she didn’t care about that, not when so much more than her own future was at stake.

Even so, this wasn’t going to be easy. She’d need solid proof before she turned them in and even then she’d need to be careful because if she spooked them they were likely to cover their tracks by terminating their test subjects. This couldn’t be done slowly, it had to be one devastating blow taking them by surprise.

They had one major weakness already though, they didn’t expect her to fight them, to risk her own future to save Cosima's. They didn’t realize that as tight a grip as they had on the experiment, one scientist had fallen out of their control. Maybe she could use that ignorance to her advantage.

She only hoped she'd have the strength to face what came next.

///

That night, Cosima lay on Scott’s couch as he slept, watching Netflix and trying not to think about Delphine.

She didn’t know what to think of her former lover. As tattered as her heart was, she still wanted to believe that Delphine was the person she’d presented herself as. She wanted their time together to be real, not a mistake to be buried the moment Delphine realized Cosima might throw a wrench in her career. Delphine had made her feel safe when her world had turned inside out, made her feel seen when she’d been all but invisible, but now she’d left her out in the cold and Cosima didn’t know why.

So, she was Netflix cheating on her. It was childish and she wasn’t even really enjoying it as much as she would have with Delphine there. In truth, she wasn't enjoying it at all, but it did kind of make her feel better. Or maybe it made her feel more in control of all this, she wasn’t sure which.

Nights were always the hardest. No one was awake for her to talk to, and the fact that she couldn’t sleep through them was a sharp reminder of what she actually was.

The episode finished and, restless, she got up, walking through the glass door onto the balcony to stare out into the night. Even from below the haze of city lights she could make out Polaris, the star that never moved. It stood steady in a sea of change. She remembered the first time she’d been out on the ocean, so far from shore, and she’d been afraid of being lost but her mother had showed her how to find the North Star and she’d told her that they had a map in the sky that could guide them home.

That map wasn’t doing her much good now, but that one steady star still felt like her mom. From there, she found Ursa Major, the big bear, and Ursa Minor, the little bear. Mama had told her stories of the bears in the sky when she was bored or too restless to sleep. It had been their secret world, but now that world seemed so far away. With Cosima gone, would the stories crumble to dust? Would Mama want to remember them or would that be too painful for her? The way it was painful for Cosima to remember now?

Her gaze drifted to Orion, the hunter, his bow arched across the night and her thoughts turned back to Delphine. Orion was Delphine’s favourite. She’d told Cosima that she’d found him each morning when she was at boarding school, standing strong and poised to shoot his bow as she’d made her way to swimming practice. She said she’d hoped she’d grow up to be strong like that someday, to have direction, to have courage. For a brief while, Cosima had believed that was what she’d ended up becoming.

She sat down, crossing her legs underneath her and tracing the dots that made up Orion with her finger, arching the bow slowly with her thumb. In her heart, Delphine was still Orion, standing tall and watching over her. As hurt and confused as she was, she still loved her. However naive that might make her.


	13. Chapter 13

Cosima went back to DYAD the next night, wanting to get a look around while everyone was done for the day and the guys were at home sleeping. If she couldn’t sleep, she might as well use the time she had awake, and she was determined to map out every inch of the building for what was left of the Ghost Gang.

She started on B3, testing for weaknesses along the barrier that kept her out. It extended all along the wall and around the building and she couldn’t breach it even when she tried phasing through the concrete. After about twenty minutes of trying, she started to feel sick, which freaked her out enough to stop her.

Sitting a short distance away on the stairs, she held her stomach and waited for it to pass, weak and tired for the first time since she’d died. Her head throbbed and waves of nausea rolled over her. It kept a hold of her, pulling her down like the weight of an anchor each time she tried to stand and she was seriously starting to panic when, suddenly, it released her.

“Holy shit,” she muttered under her breath. She backed away from the forcefield, eyeing with a newfound anxiety. “Shit…”

Could it kill her soul? Could whatever was surrounding the third basement level damage the very essence of what she was? She’d never considered that possibility. She’d assumed, naively she now realized, that she was indestructible. But Delphine had warned her otherwise, hadn’t she? What’ she’d dismissed as paranoia had turned out to be a genuine concern. Unless…

Unless Delphine had already known she wasn’t impervious to damage. Scott had his doubts about Delphine. He thought she could have been working for Leekie this whole time, and as much as Cosima didn’t want to believe it, she had to admit it was possible. As terribly painful as that reality would be.

Tears filled her eyes but she shut them tightly, shaking her head to clear them. There wasn’t time to feel sorry for herself. This was about so much more than just her now.

Still, she gave the forcefield a wide berth, exploring the areas she had access to on B2 instead. The women were still there, their babies either inside of them or taken away already. Cosima was certain they were in the room she did not have access too, but she’d have to get someone else, maybe Scott, to go inside. If she could figure out a way to get them onto this level. None of them had access to B2 or B3, which wasn’t surprising, but which left them with a pretty large roadblock to deal with.

From a careful distance, she examined the security around the door. They’d need a pass card to get in, she recognized the little black box from what was outside Delphine’s lab as well as the guy’s lab. Above it though, was a small glowing blue box with a camera inside which she quickly guessed was an eye print scanner. Even if she did manage to swipe someone’s pass card, short of stealing their eyeballs too, none of them were getting through this door.

Of course, infiltrating DYAD wasn’t going to be easy. For a human, anyway. Accessing most of the building was relatively easy for Cosima herself but it wasn’t helpful if she couldn’t bring back proof of what she was seeing. She wasn’t strong enough to lift any sort of recording device and even if she were it wouldn’t phase through walls with her. She’d need to get it through the locked door.

The women were right there, being used and experimented on, but even though she had a front row seat to watch it all happen, she couldn’t stop it. She couldn’t touch them or the doctors, and the children were heavily guarded right after birth before they were swept away to a room she didn’t have access to. And even if she could grab one, someone was bound to notice a floating, screaming child sneaking into an elevator with them.

Grumbling in frustration, she climbed the stairs back up to B1. There was nothing up there but labs. She found chemicals, equipment, a few literal lab rats gnawing at their blocks of food, but nothing useful.

Eventually, she found the security room. Cameras lined an entire wall, illuminating the otherwise darkened interior and two tired looking security guards sat watching them from their computer chairs. After a quick assessment of the screens, Cosima realized levels B2 and B3 were missing.

She sat with the guards for a while, watching the empty rooms on the screens, studying them for anything that could be useful. As she raked her gaze across the monitors, one suddenly blipped out.

Tilting her head at the now grey screen, she squinted suspiciously at it before shooting a quick glancing at the guards. They hadn’t noticed it yet so she turned her attention back to the anomaly, letting out a low gasp of surprise when she recognized the room number at the bottom of the screen. The camera that had been blocked was monitoring Delphine and Dr. Leekie’s lab.

Eyes closed, she instinctively sent out tendrils of consciousness, feeling with a now honed experience for the being she was looking for and found her almost immediately, tugging gently on the thread between them so that she was pulled out of the security room with an inaudible pop.

When her eyes opened again, she was standing next to a startled Delphine.

“What are you doing here?” they asked at the same time.

Cosima shook her head. “Um, no, you explain first.”

Their eyes locked but Delphine swallowed and looked away. “I… I can’t…”

“Seriously?” Cosima scoffed.

“I don’t have time for this,” she said, hastily brushing past her. “You shouldn’t be here, Cosima, it’s too dangerous.”

Arms crossed, Cosima watched as she began hurriedly trying to log onto one of the computers, completely ignoring her as she tried two different passwords, both of which failed to gain her access.

Cosima's patience was thin and she quickly grew frustrated with Delphine's disregard. “Dangerous because of DYAD, or because of you?” she questioned sharply.

Delphine’s head whipped around and the hurt in her eyes almost made Cosima falter. “What?” she gasped.

“You’re working with them now, right?” she demanded. “That’s why you ditched me.”

“I’m not-“ she began.

“Then why can’t you tell me why you’re here?” Cosima shot back. “Why can’t you tell me what’s on B3? You know, that stupid force field almost killed me.”

 _“It what!?”_ Delphine hissed, eyes wide.

Maybe that had been a bit of an exaggeration, but it was still pretty freaking scary. And, maybe it could kill her. Or, worse, destroy her completely. She hadn’t yet ruled out that possibility.

“What the hell is that thing?” she pressed angrily.

Delphine opened her mouth to answer her but, without warning, an alarm sounded above them, shrill and insistent.

“ _Merde_ ,” Delphine swore. Then, to Cosima’s astonishment, she turned back to the computer to try out another password.

“What are you doing?” Cosima demanded.

“You can teleport to the security room, yes?” Delphine asked without turning around. “Find out how much time I have.”

“You’ve gotta be freaking kidding me,” she muttered.

“Cosima _now,_ ” she snapped, not pausing for a moment. “Before you get us both killed.”

As much as she wanted to continue arguing, the possibility that Delphine might be in very real danger kicked her into action and with a grumble she teleported herself back to the security room only to find it empty. On the video feed, she found the guards in a nearby hallway with their firearms already out. Shifting her focus to the hallway around them, she teleported to where they were so she could figure out what they knew.

“What the hell are we supposed to with the body?” one of the guards hissed when she appeared beside him.

“We have to catch them first,” the other one shot back. “Be quiet. DYAD will take care of it. You know how paranoid they are about spies. We can’t let any intruders leave here alive.”

“Shit,” Cosima gasped. In the blink of an eye she was at Delphine’s side again, where she was still trying to gain access to that computer. “They’re going to shoot you,” she warned breathlessly. “You have to go.”

“I can’t,” Delphine objected. She continued typing, cursing under her breath when she was locked out again. “This could be my only chance.”

“Only chance for what?” Cosima demanded, but Delphine didn’t reply. She stalked around her, trying and failing to catch her eye. “Jesus Christ, can you just tell me what’s going on?”

There was a soft ding and the computer logged on. Delphine didn’t pause, frantically opening file after file. “Where is it?” she muttered.

 “You have to get out of here,” Cosima urged but Delphine shook her head.

“ _You_ need to get out of here,” she countered, still searching. “I need what I came for… there! There it is! February seventeenth at six o’clock pm. We need to remember that!”

“What the hell does that even mean?” Cosima objected.

“We need to remember the date,” Delphine pressed, her eyes glued to the screen. “I need to copy the information.”

“No,” Cosima protested restlessly. “No, you don’t. You need to get out of here.”

As Delphine continued to ignore her, footsteps sounded down the hallway but instead of fleeing, she took out a USB and began copying files onto it. Cosima was ready to lose it. Whatever she was doing, it wasn’t worth her life.

“They could kill you,” she objected fiercely. “Don’t you get it? You have so much more to lose than I do. They could _kill you_ Delphine, but they can’t kill me. Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter. Just _go._ ”

“Yes, they can,” Delphine told her, so quiet Cosima thought she must have misheard her. She’d finished copying the information and she stood up, USB in hand. “They can kill you,” she repeated.

“Uh, no, they can’t,” she reminded her impatiently. “I’m already dead, remember?” Delphine stared at her, frozen in place, and Cosima felt each second tick away like the jab of a needle. “Delphine,” she pleaded. “Just go. I’m dead, but your still alive-”

“You’re not,” she whispered. Cosima frowned, certain she’d misheard her this time, but Delphine lifted her chin, meeting her gaze boldly. “You’re alive, Cosima,” she told her.

It was as if all the air had been sucked out of the room and this time Cosima stood frozen, staring. How could that be? It didn’t make any sense.

“Hey!”

_Shit._

“Run!” Cosima barked. “I’ll hold them off-“  

But Delphine grabbed her hand, pulling her along behind her and she didn’t have time to resist. The guard hadn’t seen Delphine yet but if she slowed her down he surely would. Besides, what else could she do? Dim the lights a little? Knock over a beaker? Maybe she was safe from their bullets but she was also pretty useless in protecting Delphine against them too.

They burst through the back entrance to the lab, out into the hallway that led to the lunchroom and scrambled down it, away from the stomp of the guards running feet. Soon Cosima overtook Delphine, unable to be winded and remembering the route she’d taken in. But there one big problem with going that way…

“She can’t go through walls. She can’t go through walls,” she muttered under her breath.

“You have to remind yourself?!” Delphine hissed in alarm.

Shots rang behind them, clattering off the wall, and they kept running. Suddenly, they heard footsteps ahead of them and Cosima yanked Delphine back just before she skidded around a corner into another armed guard.

“Shit…” she muttered.

Delphine didn’t speak, the guards would have heard her, but her whole body was shaking with fear. Their eyes met and she shook her head, mouthing what looked a lot like an apology. 

“Shh,” Cosima soothed. She took both her hands, pulling them against her chest. “I’m here. You need to be quiet.”

But Delphine shook her head again, trying and failing to shove the USB into her hands. “Go,” she whispered insistently.

_Never._

“They can’t even see me,” Cosima reminded her. Alive or not, Delphine was far more vulnerable than she was right now. Concentrating, she closed her fingers around the USB, holding it tightly but staying where she was. “I won’t leave you.”

The footsteps were getting closer, closing in on either side but neither guard had rounded the corner yet. Delphine threw her arms around her, holding her close so she could whisper in her ear.

“Hold onto this. Remember the date,” she told her breathlessly. “It has answers.” The guards were getting closer, converging on them at any moment and she turned her head, planting a desperate kiss on Cosima’s cheek before whispering tearfully against her skin. “Je t’aime.”

Cosima held her tightly, tears streaming down her face but she couldn’t answer her, not like this. Delphine thought this was goodbye but it couldn’t be, she wouldn’t let it.

Something ignited inside of her and she felt stronger than she’d ever felt before. The air hummed with her fear, her grief over what she what she was about to lose and it sang around them, louder and louder until it set itself aflame and there was a blinding flash of light that Cosima wasn’t sure was real or just inside her head.

Then it was quiet and when, slowly, she opened her eyes again, she recognized the dark outline of Delphine’s living room.

Her arms were still wrapped around Delphine who was whimpering now, trembling head to toe, until Cosima pulled away, gently reaching up to touch her face and she opened her eyes too, frowning in confusion at what she saw.

“We’re home,” Cosima supplied, although she was just as surprised as Delphine was that she’d taken her with her.

Delphine stared in awe, first at the kitchen behind her, then at Cosima. “You… you did this?” she gasped. She shook her head in disbelief. “How?”

But Cosima didn’t have an answer for that and there was something she needed so say that was more important.

She touched her cheek again, drawing her attention. “I love you too,” she murmured when their eyes met.

Delphine searched her face, a smile slowly rising on her lips before Cosima moved forward and kissed her. She was gentle at first, but when Delphine kissed her back, wrapping both arms around her neck, she let go and poured herself into it.

She was terrified and confused but she loved Delphine and Delphine loved her and that was neither of those things. It was beautiful and, for just a moment, she left reality behind and let them be beautiful together.


	14. Chapter 14

2 days earlier

Dr. Leekie led Delphine down to the basement, B3 at the very bottom of the building. The elevator had required Dr. Leekei’s eye print on top of his pass card to go down that far. Delphine was certain that she herself did not have access.

They didn’t speak much as they descended and Delphine did her best to compose herself for whatever she was about to see. She wouldn’t let herself react badly, no matter what she actually felt. If she lost their trust, she lost her usefulness in protecting Cosima, herself, and everyone else caught up in whatever was going on.

B3 looked like a hospital wing. People in scrubs underneath their lab coats scurried by with medical supplies or charts past walls painted pale blue-green. A few of them eyed Delphine as she came in, but when they saw that she was with Dr. Leekie, they went on with what they were doing without a second glance.

“I should give you a moment to prepare yourself for what you’re about to see,” Leekie warned. “Most people aren’t expecting it and we’ve had some, ah, unpleasant reactions.”

Delphine’s stomach churned. “Have you?” she asked carefully.

“Fainting, mostly,” he explained. “But I promise, it’s nothing so horrific. I think you should be fine.”

He opened the door to the room and as he did the lights switched on, revealing two rows of plastic pods, about two dozen in total. They lay on metal stilts so that they were elevated from but parallel to the ground, and each had their own monitor. The room was colder than the rest of the building and there was a steady hum that vibrated through the walls like the inside of a refrigerator.

Dr. Leekie walked inside and Delphine followed after him, still not sure what she was seeing. When they neared the pods, however, and she caught sight of what was inside, her heart thundered in her chest.

 Through a little window at one end of the pod, she saw a man’s pale face.

“It’s hibernation,” Dr. Leekie explained cheerfully, rounding the pod to stand out of her way as she stared. “What science fiction calls suspended animation. By our estimates they can stay like this for over three hundred years if the hardware lasts, which it should.”

“How?” Delphine gasped.

Other questions zoomed through her head. Who were these people? Had they volunteered? When were they planning on waking up? But she couldn’t voice those now.

“That’s not my field,” Dr. Leekie told her. “So, forgive me if I can’t provide you with the finer details, but their bodies are cooled without being completely frozen. Metabolism slows to a stop, there’s no need for food or water, no conscious thought within the body. They’re injected with anti-freeze proteins modified from the ones found in certain species of artic fish. It’s really quite remarkable but it’s only the tip of the metaphorical iceberg.” He chuckled at his own joke and Delphine forced a smile.

“There’s more?” she asked. _Like what any of this has to do with Cosima and I._

“The hibernation wasn’t the goal, though both NASA and the US military are very interested in the technology. But it’s just a means to an end.”

“Which is?” Delphine prompted.

Dr. Leekie leaned forward over the man's pod, his eyes sparkling. “Immortality.”

Delphine frowned, regarding the rows of suspended human beings. “But they’re unconscious,” she objected. “What would be the point?”

“Ah, their _bodies_ are unconscious,” he corrected, waving his finger.

Her eyebrows rose. “What else is there?”

“What we discovered eleven years ago,” he continued excitedly. “And what you discovered only a few months ago.” Delphine gaped at him, the pieces quickly fitting together, but he beat her to it. “The human soul.”

“Cosima,” she breathed. In an instant, it all made sense. What was a ghost, but proof of the existence of a consciousness independent of a living body? And what else could that be but a human soul? “You’re attempting to separate their souls from their bodies while they’re still alive,” she guessed.

Was alive the correct term? They had no pulse, no metabolism, but if what Dr. Leekie was saying was true they could still be revived. They weren’t lost to this world yet.

He chuckled at her. “Not trying, Delphine, we already have.” He started walking down the row of pods, motioning for her to follow. “You’ve met IK9 J11,” he told her, nodding his head to the man’s pod. “Let me show you 324 B21.”

More people frozen like this. Was there one for every pod? Twenty four people trapped down here.

Uneasily, Delphine trailed behind him. When she caught sight of the face in the new pod, her heart galloped in her throat and she froze, staring down at it.

“She’s…” she whispered.

“You probably recognize this one,” Dr. Leekie added, smiling in amusement at her expression.

“She’s not a ghost,” she breathed. _She’s alive._

Through the window, pale and uncharacteristically expressionless but unmistakably recognizable even so, was Cosima’s face.

Without thinking, Delphine reached out, running her fingers over the frigid plastic of the window.

_You’re not dead. You’re here. You’re alive! But what have they done to you, my love?_

What should have been joy at the prospect of Cosima waking up was tempered with her fear of what exactly she’d been trapped in. How long did they plan to leave her like this? Did they plan to return her soul to her body? Could they?

“Remarkable, isn’t it?” Dr. Leekie commented, misinterpreting the tender arch her fingers traced across the window for fascination.

“How?” she managed after a moment.

“Hmm.” He chuckled, walking around the pod that held Cosima’s frozen body so that they were standing on opposite sides. Delphine watched him, her hand still resting protectively on the clear plastic. “Very carefully. Are you familiar with Dr. Peter Hobson?”

Slowly, Delphine shook her head. She made herself lift her hand away from the window, letting it hang inoffensively at her side. Of course, the name was familiar, but she wasn’t about to risk throwing him on the trail of Scott’s lead and she was curious what else Dr. Leekie had to say about him.

“Dr. Hobson did experiments on terminal patients in the early 1990s,” Dr. Leekie explained. “Voluntary back then, and minimally invasive. He monitored brain activity during death using a machine called a SuperEEG. And he discovered that there is a cohesive energy field that survives after death. He called it a Soulwave. But for years we had no idea what it was. His later work diverged, exploring what life after death _might_ be like through computer simulations, but he never did try to isolate the Soulwave itself.”

“But you did,” Delphine guessed. 

“Yes, we did,” Dr. Leekie told her, his grin still stretching between his ears. “In dying patients, we managed not only to isolate it, but to give it form. We developed a computer software that could convert the energy into something close to a human body.”

Delphine bit down on her tongue until it hurt, fighting to keep her expression neutral. She understood now, why people fainted when they discovered what was down here and it had nothing to do with the hibernation. Dr. Hobson had been right to leave the Soulwave alone. Whatever it was, it clearly held a person’s consciousness and to not only trap it but… but to _defile it_ with computer software, was horrific.

She wasn’t religious like her parents were but she didn’t need to be to understand the sacredness of this energy field. What Dr. Leekie had done to Cosima and to all of these people had violated in them way previously unthinkable. He’d taken not their bodies, their vessels, but their very consciousness and toyed with it as if it were his to manipulate. And he’d done it without their consent. This she knew for certain because she knew Cosima and it wasn’t possible that she’d consent to this. Cosima was right about Dr. Leekie. He was an arrogant liar.

“She was dying?” she asked, tilting her head slightly.

“No, no.” Leekie shook his head. “We’ve developed the technology far beyond that now. None of them are dying Delphine, we can wake them up whenever we want to.”

“Have you?” she couldn’t help asking.

“Woken anyone up?” He smiled. “You’re jumping ahead, Delphine. That’s phase two. We start in two months.”

“And then?” she wondered, doing her best to keep the hunger out of her voice. “What will happen to them?”

Dr. Leekie shrugged. “All of our patients are officially dead as far as the rest of the world is concerned. Once we’ve proven that we can wake them up again after a few years, we’ll put them back under for a long-term study.”

Delphine stood rigid. She’d never known fury like this before, never truly known hatred until this moment and looking at Dr. Leekie now she realized that this was what evil looked like in the flesh.

“It might seem cold,” he told her, gentle now though he still sounded like a snake to Delphine. “But think of the net gain for the rest of the human race. There might come a time when we never have to fear death or being torn from this world. We’ll never age, or feel pain or sickness. Their sacrifices won’t be in vein. And they’ll live forever.”

_It’s not a life, it’s a prison._

“And what about… me?” she asked, changing the subject because she couldn’t bring herself to agree with him, even in a lie. “Why can I see her but you can’t?”

“Microbots,” he told her proudly. “Tiny organic computers that allow your body and your nervous system to interact with our software. But the problem is, we’ve only been successful a handful of people. The deliver mechanism is much like the technology you’re developing. A synthetic parasite that attaches itself just under the brainstem to produce the microbots.” Delphine’s hand rose automatically to touch the back of her head and Dr. Leekie raised his hands defensively. “It’s perfectly safe. For you. Your body doesn’t attack it so it’s left to it’s do job harmlessly. but, in most people, it causes a reaction that shuts down their nervous system. That’s where we’re hoping you can help.”

“My technology isn’t going to be used in gene therapy,” she guessed.

“Ah, that’s the beautiful thing about it, Delphine. It is going to be used for both,” he answered brightly. “Ideally, we’re hoping to give the Soulwaves solid form. After all, what’s the point of existing in a world you can’t interact with? But first, we need to make sure everyone will be able to see them.”

“Everyone?” Delphine asked.

“Just one more thing we’re working on,” he explained. “The larval form of the delivery mechanism was given to you through an injection but we’re hoping to develop something that can be administered orally and will reach larger numbers of people. Through the water supply for example. As soon as it’s safe of course.”

 _None of this is safe._ But she was too angry to speak.

“Of course, you can’t share this information with anyone,” Dr. Leekie warned her. “You did sign a nondisclosure agreement when we hired you. And, of course, self-aware subjects will need to be terminated, so you can’t share any of this with Cosima either.”

Her heart dropped. They’d kill her, just like that, that’s how disposable she was to these people. In a heartbeat she realized that she couldn't risk telling Cosima the truth, not when the people who had her body were this ruthless, but the idea of lying to her about something so important left an ache in her chest. 

“I signed an agreement,” Delphine answered evenly. “I won’t tell anyone what I’ve seen here.”

///                                

Present

Cosima paced back and forth in front of the coffee table, trying to make sense of what she’d just learned. Delphine watched her uncertainly from where she sat on the couch.

“I’m alive,” she breathed again, and the light above them flickered as she said it.

“You’re in terrible danger,” Delphine reminded her solemnly.

“But I’m _alive_ ,” she pressed. She turned her head to narrow her eyes accusingly at Delphine. “And you didn’t tell me.”

“They would have hurt you,” Delphine defended unhappily. “They still might… I shouldn’t have-“

“Shouldn’t have what?” Cosima demanded. She crossed her arms, anger rising in her chest, and the lightbulb above them burst. Delphine stared up at her helplessly through the darkness, ignoring it. “You’re saying you regret telling me now?”

“They could kill you, Cosima,” she repeated. “This apartment isn’t being monitored but if they catch us talking about it they will destroy your body and then… and then I don’t know what will happen. But they will kill you. And there is nothing I can do to stop them right now.”

Cosima threw her arms in the air. “I thought I _was_ dead!” she shot back. She started to pace again, holding her head agitatedly. “Do you have any idea what that’s like? To think it’s all over? And it still could be, couldn’t it?” she muttered wretchedly, coming to a stop to glance at Delphine. Her shoulders fell. “They’re never going to wake me up.”

Delphine rose to her feet. “ _I’ll_ wake you up,” she told her but Cosima scoffed.

“How?” she demanded. The euphoria of their confessions of love and their escape from their near-death experience was quickly fading and Cosima felt all her trepidation come pouring back. “How were you planning on doing that all by yourself?”

“I’m still figuring that out,” Delphine admitted. Cosima continued to frown at her and she stepped forward. “But I promise I will never give up on you.” Cosima huffed, turning away, but she reached forward to take her hand, pulling it up against her chest. “Do you feel that?” she asked tearfully. “I meant what I said back at DYAD. I’m on your side, Cosima. Please believe me.”

Her eyes were pleading as Cosima searched her face, thinking hard. Delphine’s heart beat steadily under her palm, sure and strong, and more than anything Cosima wanted to hold her again, soak in her warmth. If only things were that simple.

She’d hidden the thing Cosima had wished for most in the world and she still didn’t even regret it. But she did love her, that Cosima believed without a trace of doubt. And that was probably why she’d hidden the truth in the first place, as misguided as it had been.

“You can’t lie to me anymore,” she told her firmly. “I want to know everything you know, I don’t care how dangerous you think it is.” Delphine opened her mouth to speak but she cut her off insistently. “This is _my_ life. And I want to be allowed to fight for it.”

Delphine dropped her gaze, thinking. Then, very slowly, she nodded. “OK.”

Cosima sighed, aching to believe her. Delphine still had her hand held to her chest and Cosima moved forward, pressing her forehead against hers. Her heart and her head were fighting like wild animals. She did feel what Delphine was talking about but she was angry too. For a moment, she stood frozen, finally giving in when she heard Delphine’s sigh of relief and tilting her head to leave a gentle kiss on her lips.

Kissing her was like giving into gravity and Cosima too felt a rush of relief at her own acceptance of Delphine's words. They weren’t going to win this fighting each other, and she didn’t want to fight. She wanted Delphine back.

“And I meant it too,” she murmured. She felt Delphine smile under her mouth and she moved back to give her nose a light bump. Then she pulled back, staring into her eyes and counting her heartbeats. She wondered what this would feel like when her heart was beating too “I have so much to tell you. And there’s so much I want to know.”

“Anything,” Delphine promised.

Cosima gave her a half smile, frightened but no longer feeling so alone.

“Everything. Tell me everything you know.”


	15. Chapter 15

Cosima and Delphine sat at the kitchen island, huddled together in front of the laptop. Delphine watched anxiously as Cosima looked over the data she’d stolen.

“They can’t find out that you know,” she mumbled under her breath, not for the first time.

Cosima turned to her, narrowing her eyes skeptically. “How are they going to find out?”

“They already know you’re here,” Delphine pressed. “I’ll need to explain that to them-“

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Cosima interrupted, shaking her head. “You’re going back there?”

“What choice do I have?” Delphine pressed. “I can’t fix any of this if I don’t go back.”

Cosima clenched her jaw, staring ahead. She hadn’t considered that Delphine would go back after what had happened. She’d reasonably assumed that she was going to stay the hell away from the people who were just shooting at her.

“What if they know it was you in there?” she asked quietly.

“If they did, we’d probably both be dead right now,” Delphine told her evenly.

“Shit….” Stomach dropping, Cosima sucked in a breath through her teeth, trying to calm herself.

Delphine placed a hand on her arm. “Your self awareness… it changes things,” she told her gently. “But I won’t let anything happen to us, OK?”

Their eyes met and Cosima hesitated, conflicted between her hurt at Delphine leaving her and how much she needed her now. But the second one was stronger and, finally, she gave Delphine a slow nod.

“OK.” Then she frowned, confused as she absorbed the rest of what Delphine had said. “How do they know where I am?”

“They can track you,” Delphine explained, reaching over Cosima to find the file. “The same program that allows you to take human form overlays your Soulwave and allows them to track your location as well as your condition. They know that you’re viable and whether or not you’re fragmented or passing through something.”

There was a folder with her name on it and when Delphine clicked on it, it had folders for location and condition and inside those there was a folder for each day she’d be conscious up until the present.

“This… this is…” She shook her head, feeling violated. “Have you looked at this?”

“No,” Delphine answered quickly. “I didn’t have access to this information. It’s one of the files I copied onto the USB.”

“I was with Scott,” she told her, wanting her to know. “When you, uh… when you kicked me out. That’s where I went.”

“I told them we had a fight,” Delphine said quietly. “I wanted you away from me. They were going to use me to spy on you. But I guess they’ll question Scott now that they know he’s made contact with you.”

Cosima winced. “Did I get him into trouble?”

“I think he’ll be OK,” Delphine answered. “They did intend for him to be able to interact with you. I’ll talk to him tomorrow. I need his help anyway.”

“With what?” Cosima asked.

“I don’t want to risk giving you away,” Delphine explained. “We can’t let them find out that you’re self aware. So, if you’re going to help me, we need a way to corrupt your data so they won’t know where you are.”

“Can you do that?” Cosima wondered hopefully.

“I can’t, but I’m hoping Scott will know someone who can,” she told her. She sighed, rubbing her temple with a pained expression, her voice thin as she continued. “If not… you’ll need to limit your movements.”

“You OK?” Cosima asked.

“Oh, it’s just a headache,” she dismissed. “I’ve had it all day. I’ll take something before I go to bed.”

Cosima wondered if it was the stress of everything that was happening or a lack of sleep or both. She looked tired, paler than she’d been two days ago, and there were dark circles under her eyes. 

“What about the children?” she asked, changing the subject. “The ones I saw them take.”

If it were possible, Delphine looked even paler than before.

“It’s terrible,” she muttered. “They’re like you.”

It took Cosima a moment to process that.

“What?”

“They put them in hibernation just after they’re born,” Delphine told her. “Then they separate the Soulwave from them. It’s…” She grimaced, each word dripping with disgust. “It’s an experiment, to test how the soul of a developing child relates to their bodies. They’re curious, if they use this technology on children, if they’ll still grow up. So far they’ve discovered that they don’t.”

A lump rose in Cosima’s throat. “They’re just little kids,” she mumbled. How could they? How _dare they?_

“I’ve been in the nursery,” Delphine added. “They’re so cold and small… and they don’t understand what’s happened to them. I’ve been told that most of the newer ones don’t stop crying for days. One little one stopped when I held him… I didn’t want to let him go but they made me leave. I’m not one of the nurses, they only sent me there to do tests.” She shook her head, eyes bright. “They don’t treat them like children, Cosima. They think because the cold won’t hurt them they don’t need to be held, but I know they’re wrong. I have to get them out of there.”

“Yeah…” Cosima agreed. “But how? I can’t even go in there and they’re not going to just let you walk out with one.”

Delphine leaned her forehead on her hand, closing her eyes for a moment. Cosima wondered if she were still in pain.

“I don’t know yet,” she admitted. “But what you just did might be useful.”

“You mean getting you out of there?” Cosima asked. “I’m not sure I could do that again and… even if I could I can’t get in there.”

“But if I gave you access?” Delphine pressed. “If I found a way to turn off the barrier?”

“We’d still need to wake them up,” Cosima reminded her. “They need their bodies back.”

“Do you remember the date I told you?” she asked.

Cosima nodded. “Yeah, February seventeenth,” she answered.

“At six o’clock pm,” Delphine finished. “Yes. That’s when they’re going to wake you up. All of you. They’ll keep you, unconscious but inside your body, overnight to monitor you and then they plan on putting you back into hibernation and reseparating your Soulwave from your body.”

“That’s… awful,” Cosima said. “But what does that have to do with the babies?”

“They’re going to wake them up too,” Delphine told her.

“But… if I’m in my body…” Cosima objected.

“I can separate you again early,” Delphine told her. “So, you can teleport everyone out. Then I’ll put you back and we can leave together.”

“But what about the security? What if I can’t do it again?” she pressed.

“We have two months to prepare,” Delphine reminded her. “And you may have help.” She turned her attention back to the laptop, opening up a different folder. “There are more adults like you too. I found a few of them.” A few files opened up, faces Cosima didn’t recognize.

“You want to get them involved too?” Cosima asked skeptically. “I thought being self aware was dangerous.”

“It is,” Delphine said firmly. “We need to be very careful. But we can’t miss this opportunity. We won’t get another window for decades. I don’t want to involve you in this, and I won’t make you do it if you don’t want to, but after what I just saw you do, I think this is our best way forward.”

This plan was terrifying but how could she say no? Delphine was right, this would probably be their best chance at getting everyone out of that building alive. She had to try.

“OK,” she agreed. “Where do we start?”

///

Snow was falling when Delphine and Cosima stopped across the street from the little two-story house. Thin flakes fell delicately onto the windshield and Cosima stared out, tilting her head curiously as they accumulated.

"I wonder if I can feel it,” she commented. “I’ve only seen it snow a couple of times… I don’t remember what it’s like.”

Delphine watched her with a small smile. “It’s beautiful,” she murmured.

“Are you sure about this?” Cosima asked, turning away from the window to face her.

“We’ll need to be careful,” Delphine admitted. “But the more people who know what’s at stake, the more help we’re likely to have.”

“Yeah, but what can people like me really do?” she objected sullenly. “It’s not like we have any control over the real world. And what if what I did at DYAD was just a fluke?”

“You saved me,” Delphine pointed out. She leaned forward insistently. “You’re more powerful than you think, Cosima. I’ve read their notes, and even after years research they don’t even know what you’re actually made of. DYAD only wanted a way to live forever, but in concentrating your Soulwave into a human form in this way, I believe they might have given you more power than they realized.”

“Can you… uh, maybe just call it a soul?” Cosima requested uneasily. “Soulwave sounds like I’ve been patented or something.”

“Your soul then,” Delphine corrected herself. “It’s…” she waved her hand in front of her, searching for the words. “It’s more than we expected.”

Cosima raised an eyebrow. “We?”

“You and I,” Delphine clarified and Cosima’s shoulders relaxed. “We didn’t know you could teleport things with you.”

“I don’t think I know how to do it again,” Cosima admitted, rubbing her forehead. “I think whatever power I have is connected to my emotions… and I’m not really in control of those.”

“You want to help these women and their children,” Delphine pressed.

“Yeah, but it’s not the same,” Cosima objected. She stared at Delphine, her eyes shining. “I love you,” she said quietly. “And I thought you were going to die and… I don’t know, I just lost it.”

Delphine raised her gloved hand, gently touching her face. “I believe in the power you have,” she told her steadily. “I’ve seen it… I’ve felt it.”

Cosima smiled weakly, leaning into her touch. “That makes one of us.” Her eyes drifted past her, towards the house. “Maybe Sarah can help us.”

“I hope so,” Delphine agreed, taking her hand back to undo her seatbelt.

“Are you sure she’s here?” Cosima asked.

“Yes,” Delphine answered confidently. “DYAD keeps track of all of you.”

“But not me,” Cosima checked. "You guys fixed that."

“No, not you,” Delphine assured her. “Scott and I made sure of that. They think you’re still back at the apartment. I’ll need to come up with a reason for you returning in my notes for Dr. Leekie.”

“I can’t believe you guys went back in there,” Cosima muttered under her breath, thinking uneasily of the morning Delphine had returned to work.

She’d known DYAD was ruthless, but seeing armed men hunt Delphine through the hallways had sharpened that reality for her and she was scared pretty much all the time now.

“What choice do we have?” Delphine reminded her. “We need to keep going to work or they’ll suspect something is wrong.”

“I hate this,” Cosima grumbled.

“We should go see if anyone’s home,” Delphine said, changing the subject. “I’m not sure how long I’m allowed to be parked here.”

She stepped outside and Cosima followed after her, scooting out the driver’s side while Delphine held the door open for her.

“Do you feel the snow?” Delphine asked when she stepped out into the weather.

Cosima closed her eyes, searching herself for any sense of the light prickles of cold, but there was nothing. As hard as she concentrated on making herself solid, the snow passed through her the way it did the air around them.

“I can’t,” she sighed.

“You will,” Delphine promised, and she did her best to believe her.

Together, they set out towards the house.

It was small and attached to the house next to it, but it was pretty. It stood two stories tall with a fence at the front, red at the bottom and dark on top with stone above the doors and windows. A bicycle was chained to the fence and a blue truck sat in the driveway.

A woman with brown hair and a stern face answered the door, pulling her plaid sweater around her to ward against the cold. She cracked it open just enough to see them, blocking most of the inside of the house.

“Hello, Mrs. Sadler,” Delphine greeted politely.

“Hello,” she answered warily. “And you who might you be?”

“Um, may I speak with you outside?” Delphine requested.

She narrowed her eyes. “Why?”

Delphine glanced inside the house uneasily and Cosima knew that she was worried DYAD had set up surveillance inside.

“It’s about your daughter,” she said, keeping her voice low. “Sarah Manning.”

“My daughter?” Mrs. Sadler questioned, defensive.

“I think it’s best if we talk outside,” Delphine repeated.

 But as she spoke a tiny face appeared beside Mrs. Sadler, staring not at Delphine but directly at Cosima.

“You’re like my mom, aren’t you?” the child asked.

“You can see me?” Cosima gasped, and she nodded. “Holy- but… you’re way too old.”

“I can see my mom too,” she told her matter-of-factly. “But Mrs. S can’t.”

Mrs. Sadler glanced between the child and where Cosima was standing, before turning back to Delphine.

“You have one too?” she asked in surprise. She opened the door wider, motioning with a short nod. “Come inside.”

“I don’t-“ Delphine began, but she cut her off.

“No one is surveying this house,” she assured her firmly. “Not on my watch.” Cosima and Delphine exchanged a glance, wondering if they could trust her. “C’mon in,” she pressed impatiently. “It’s freezing out there. I know you don’t feel it,” she added in Cosima’s general direction. “But I’d like to keep my house warm if you don’t mind.”

Cosima shrugged and Delphine gave Mrs. Sadler a short nod. “OK.”

Delphine took her coat off by the main entrance as Kira stared curiously at Cosima, who of course was wearing her usual light indoor clothing. It hadn’t looked so out of place when the weather was warmer, but even with no one being able to see her she felt like she stuck out in the cold.

“Sarah,” Mrs. Sadler called up the stairs. “We’ve got company.”

“What are you talking about?” Sarah called down, clearly confused. “Kira, ask her what she’s talking about,” she added as she appeared at the top of the stairwell.

“She’s talking about us,” Cosima called up and Sarah froze, wide eyed.

“You can see me?” she breathed.

“She’s like you, mom,” Kira told her. “And her friend is like me.”

Sarah made it to the bottom of the stairs in a flash and she and Cosima studied each other. Sarah was wild looking, with messy hair, thick eyeliner and dark tattered clothing, but something about her face was almost familiar to Cosima.

They reached out their hands at the same time, hesitating before meeting in midair. Sarah wasn’t warm or cold, just solid, and Cosima felt a spark rush between where they met. It was a moment before she realized the incredulity she was feeling wasn’t just her own… it was Sarah’s too.

“Shite…” Sarah swore under her breath. “You really are another one. You’re a ghost, yeah? Like me.”

Cosima took her hand back, having trouble concentrating with Sarah’s energy crackling through her palm. “No, I’m not a ghost. And… uh… and neither are you, Sarah.”

The lights flickered.  “What?” Sarah demanded, eyes narrowing. “What are you on about?”

“What’s happening?” Mrs. Sadler demanded, looking up at them suspiciously.

“She’s says mom’s not a ghost,” Kira told her, beaming. “What is she then?” she asked, coming to stand by her mother.

Sarah wrapped her arms around her from behind, holding onto her protectively. “What am I?” she repeated slowly.

Cosima met her eyes, eager to give her the good news. “You’re alive, Sarah.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Sarah is still Sarah but they are not clones so they do look a little different. I really wanted to have her in this story but the whole genetic identical angle didn't work and I just figured "you know what? they're different enough let's just have them not be clones" lol.


	16. Chapter 16

 “How many of us are there?” Sarah asked.

She was sitting between her daughter and her mother on their couch across from Delphine and Cosima who were sharing a chair. Delphine took the seat and Cosima sat on the arm, knowing she couldn’t do any harm to it anyway.

“Sixteen,” Delphine told her. “In Toronto.”

“Toronto?” Mrs. Sadler raised an eyebrow.

“There may be groups in other cities,” Delphine. “I… I don’t have access to all their information. I don’t even know who the other twelve are.”

“But you work for those bloody lunatics,” Sarah accused.

“They’re experimenting on me too,” Delphine defended. “It isn’t as terrible as what they’ve done to you, but it’s invasive and they didn’t have my consent.”

“She has these… things… inside of her that allow her to see us,” Cosima added.

“I was modified so I could see Cosima and others like her,” Delphine explained to Mrs. Sadler.

“What about Kira?” Mrs. Sadler asked, eyes narrowed and at the question Sarah's expression mirrored hers.

“She’s an anomaly,” Delphine told them. “Children sometimes see Cosima but we haven’t observed any older than about three. It could be natural but… I’d like to check her blood for the same material I found in mine and my colleagues.”

“Kira, love, go get the computer for your mum,” Mrs. Sadler instructed gently. “I want her to be able to talk to me too. We use a word document to communicate,” she explained as Kira darted off to find it. “Sarah manages to type on the keyboard.”

“Yeah, and it’s a pain,” Sarah muttered.

“Is it dangerous?” Mrs. Sadler asked seriously when Kira was out of the room. “If she has it, can it hurt her?”

Sarah frowned, leaning forward and Delphine and Cosima exchanged an uneasy glance.

“I haven’t developed any symptoms,” Delphine answered seriously. “And neither have the others, but it’s spread throughout our entire bodies. And… it is illegal technology.”

“They’re using all of as lab rats,” Cosima muttered.

“Bloody hell,” Sarah swore under her breath. The TV turned on and off a couple of times but she ignored it and turned to Mrs. Sadler. “I want her tested,” she demanded, even though her mother couldn’t hear her.

“She’s saying-“ Delphine began but Mrs. Sadler raised a hand.

“I want to hear it from her,” she objected. “We wait for the laptop.”

Sarah grunted in frustration but none of them objected and they waited silently together until Kira came bounding back with the computer in hand.

“Gentle,” Mrs. Sadler reminded her, taking it from her. “Thank you, love.”

“Why don’t you go upstairs and play in your room for a while, Monkey?” Sarah prompted.

Kira’s face fell. “OK,” she mumbled. She turned to Mrs. Sadler grumpily. “My mom wants me to go upstairs.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Mrs. Sadler agreed, giving her a slight nudge and waiting until she trudged away to speak again. “How much trouble are we in?” she asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” Delphine admitted. “Enough.”

“I knew someone was watching us,” she muttered. “I even had the house swept, just in case. But I thought it was just Sarah. That they were hunting for ghosts.” She turned in the direction of her daughter, softening for a moment. “But you’re alive.”

Sarah gave her a small smile, reaching out to let her hand pass through hers before tugging gently at the laptop. Mrs. Sadler handed it over, it was already open to a word document, and Sarah started to type out the letters one at a time.

It was difficult for both her and Cosima to type, even though they could, each keystroke took concentration, and it was about a minute before she finished her message. It was almost funny, Delphine thought, they were had so much power but they could barely perform that basic task.

_I want her tested._

“We don’t know these people,” Mrs. Sadler warned. “Do you really trust them with her?”

“We only need a blood sample,” Delphine assured her. “We could do it here, if you’re more comfortable with that.”

But Sarah was already typing again.

_Trust Cosima. She’s like me. Telling the truth. I felt it._

“Yeah, me too,” Cosima agreed and Delphine tilted her head at them as she and Sarah exchanged a knowing glance.

“It’s like… when we touched I understood her,” Cosima tried to explain.

“And I knew you were telling the truth,” Sarah added. She shot Delphine a look, eyes narrowing suspiciously. “But it’s complicated, isn’t it? With you two.”

“We had a rough patch recently,” Cosima told her. She turned to Delphine, gripping her hand. “But I know she’s on our side. Just like our other friends are.”

Sarah looked uneasy but didn’t object. “OK.”

“I wish I had Kira’s ears,” Mrs. Sadler muttered in frustration. “Or yours,” she added to Delphine.

“Be careful what you wish for,” Cosima warned under her breath.

Sarah was typing again.

 _I’m going to work with them._ A pause. Then, slowly, she typed her next word. _You?_

Mrs. Sadler's eyes were heavy as she looked from the laptop to Delphine, then back towards her daughter. She seemed to have an instinct for where she was. Or maybe she'd just grown used to her over the months.

“For three years, we thought we’d lost you,” she told her thickly. “But it turns out those bastards took you away from us. And now they might have hurt Kira too… Yes. I’ll help.” She shot her a brave smile. “Let’s get you back to your old self.”

///

With Sarah and her family’s cooperation, Cosima was starting to feel a little more confident in their hatching plan to expose DYAD. She still wasn’t sure she could do what Delphine wanted her to do, but at least she wouldn’t be alone trying.

They visited the other two like Cosima before going home that evening. The first person they met with was Alison Hendrix. She was staying in her old house in Scarborough, although Delphine and Cosima quickly discovered that, much to her frustration, none of her family members knew she was there.

She’d been trying to communicate with them for months but her husband Donnie, who she’d spoken of exasperatedly when she’d come outside to talk to them, seemed to think the house was haunted by a malevolent spirit.

“He tried to perform an _exorcism,”_ she complained, holding a hand to her chest. “On his own wife! Only my sweet Gemma thought it might be mommy but he told her I was in heaven and that only bad people come back as ghosts.” She huffed indignantly. 

They were in the car, both for privacy and to keep Delphine warm in the chilly evening air, with Alison sitting in the back and Cosima and Delphine twisted around in their seats in the front.

“That must have been difficult,” Delphine said sympathetically.

“It has been!” Alison exclaimed. “And he’s doing everything all wrong. I’ve seen the lunches he packs for the kids and not a vegetable in one. He keeps forgetting that Oscar hates ketchup and the house is a mess.”

She was talking a lot, about things that weren’t really related to what they needed her for, but Cosima thought that she’d be chatty too if she hadn’t been able to speak to anyone in months.

“But you know what, your alive,” Cosima reminded her. “You’ll get to tell them all of this. Hopefully anyway.”

That seemed to cheer her up for a few seconds before her spring coiled anxiousness returned. “If your plan works. I can’t even convince my family that I exist, I’m not sure I could teleport people out of a building.”

“Cosima has done it,” Delphine told her.

“Once,” Cosima clarified quickly, holding up a finger. “I did it once. And it was… well, it was pretty special circumstances.”

“Well, that’s encouraging,” Alison said sarcastically.

“We still have almost a month to learn how to replicate it,” Delphine reminded them. “Will you help us?”

“I don’t see what choice I have,” she sighed. “Unless I want to be stuck like this.”

“We’d still get you out, either way,” Cosima promised her.

Alison met her eyes, giving her head a stubborn shake. “These people stole three years with my children from me,” she told her. “I want to make them pay.”

Cosima and Delphine exchanged a glance and Cosima thought despairingly of the time she’d lost with her own parents. Her body was in hibernation, it wouldn’t age, but her family still would. Her moms were getting older and her grandfather was almost ninety, she’d only had a handful of years left with him to begin with. It was unforgiveable, what they’d taken away.

“We’re gonna make them pay,” she promised. “And then all of us can go home.”

///

They met Mark last. He was living with his once fiancée, Gracie Johanssen, who’d learned to communicate with him in a similar way Mrs. Sadler communicated with Sarah. They weren’t too far from where Alison lived.

Their house was small but warm and Gracie seemed kind enough, offering them coffee or snacks which Delphine politely declined.

Gracie led them to the living room, sitting on their cushioned chair while Delphine and Cosima shared the small couch across from it and listening patiently to what they had to say. Mark seemed a lot less welcoming, even less so than Mrs. Sadler, eyeing them suspiciously as they explained why they were there.

“Mark’s alive?” Gracie asked in a small voice, looking between him and Delphine as if she weren’t quite ready to let herself believe it.

“Am I?” he asked warily.

Cosima rose to her feet and took a few steps towards him. “We’re telling the truth,” she pressed, extending a hand. “I can show you.”

Mark regarded her hand but didn’t move. “How?”

“What’s going on?” Gracie asked anxiously.

“When people in Cosima’s state touch they’re able to link their thoughts and emotions,” Delphine explained. “We don’t really understand it, but it has worked with two other people so far," she added and Cosima thought optimistically of how quickly she'd been able to convince Alison to trust her. 

“You’ll know if she’s telling the truth,” Gracie realized, turning towards where Mark stood.

He sighed, glancing at her briefly, then glaring at Delphine before reaching out to touch Cosima’s hand. Their palms pressed against each other, oddly neutral in temperature the way it had been with both Sarah and Alison, but the moment their hands met Cosima had felt who he really was.

Mark had killed people. She didn’t know how or why, she hadn’t held on long enough to find out, but the wickedness of that act had left a mark on him that Cosima could still sense after she’d yanked her hand back.

They’d stared at each other for a moment, Mark having felt her repulsion, while Delphine stiffened behind her at her reaction to him and Gracie looked on oblivious to what had just happened.

“I won’t hurt you,” Mark promised. “I’m not that person anymore.”

“Yeah, I hope not,” Cosima answered nervously.

Delphine, taken aback for a moment by Cosima’s reaction to him, shot him a look that said _you’d better not_ before getting up to stand beside Cosima.

“What’s going on?” Gracie asked.

Delphine hesitated but Mark walked over to the laptop they’d left open on the table, slowly typing out his message to Gracie. Cosima peeked around to read it over his shoulder.

_They’re telling the truth._

“So, you’ll help us?” Delphine asked.

“Of course we will,” Gracie answered quickly. “We could have a future, Mark.”

_Yes._

“I was in the military,” he explained at Cosima’s uneasy expression. “You need someone like me.” 

Delphine turned to Cosima. “It’s up to you,” she prompted gently.

Cosima regarded Mark carefully, still unnerved by what she’d felt, but he did have a point. He knew how to do things none of the others did. He’d be useful. Besides, maybe what he'd done had been as soldier. Maybe it had been self defense. She couldn't quite bring herself to believe that though.

She sighed, realizing that they didn't really have that much of a choice. “Yeah… OK.”

///

That night, as Delphine got ready for bed, they were still discussing exactly how much they wanted to involve Mark.

Cosima sat on the edge of the sink, swinging her feet and watching her get ready for bed. She still hated nights, being awake without anyone to talk to was annoying, but Delphine looked exhausted and she was glad she was turning in early.

“Maybe if you touched him again?” Delphine suggested, toothbrush in hand.

“I guess,” she answered hesitantly. “But I don’t really want to feel that again.”

Delphine winced sympathetically, rinsing the brush. “It was that bad?”

“It was like, it was all over me,” she told her. “The blood he’d spilled. And… I don’t know… I could feel what he felt when their life left them. Like, something being sucked out of the world…”

“I could try to do a background check on him,” she offered. “Maybe…” But she flinched suddenly, rubbing her temple.

“You OK?” Cosima asked, standing up in concern.

Eyes closed, Delphine slid down against the side of the sink, flushing red but not replying for several seconds as she sat on the floor.

Cosima dropped to her knees beside her, gripping her shoulder in alarm.

“My head is spinning,” Delphine mumbled at last, holding it with both hands now. “I…” She blinked, taking long breaths as perspiration beaded on her forehead. “I think I might be coming down with something.”

Cosima touched her cheek, thinking it might have been a little less scorching than it usually was and found that it was soft and clammy under the backs of her fingers.

“You don’t think it’s related to… you know…” she asked worriedly.

“I don’t know,” Delphine admitted, still sounding weak. “My head hurts, but the implant is at the back, near the brainstem, not the front.”

“Yeah but the microbots are everywhere,” Cosima pointed out. She gave her arm a squeeze. “Can you stand?”

“I… I think so,” Delphine answered. Slowly, she pushed herself to her feet, leaning on Cosima for support before managing to stand on her own. “I probably just need sleep…”

Cosima thought her _probably_ was a stand in for _hopefully,_ but she didn’t push it.

“Yeah,” she soothed. “C’mon, we can figure this out tomorrow.”

Delphine fell asleep quickly and Cosima lingered in her room for a while, listening for her breathing until she was satisfied that she was just sleeping. Then she went to see what she could find out about Mark on her own, coming back frequently to check on her. There wasn't much on him, not under public access anyway, and Delphine stirred restlessly every hour or so, mumbling about being too cold before falling back asleep. 

Cosima hoped this really was the flu, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to believe this wasn’t the start of something much more sinister.

 


	17. Chapter 17

The next morning, Delphine was even worse. When she hadn’t shown up for breakfast in the kitchen, Cosima had gone into her room to find her still in bed, curled up under the covers. She could feel the waves of heat coming off of her even before her hand had made contact with her cheek.

“My head is killing me,” she mumbled, eyes half closed.

“Not… not, like _literally_ , right?” Cosima asked uneasily.

Delphine sniffed. “No. I think it’s the flu…” She coughed roughly. “I don’t think they gave me a real flu shot…”

“Do you want me to get Scott…” Cosima offered.

“No.” Delphine pushed herself up, holding her head. “I’m going to call in sick and try to sleep it off. We’ll have to call Mrs. Sadler later…”

“Don’t worry about that,” she soothed. She placed a hand on Delphine’s cheek and the cold of her skin must have felt good because Delphine leaned into it gratefully. “I’ll go tell them.”

She nodded dazedly. “Thank you.”

Sarah wasn’t too happy about having to wait to get Kira tested, but Mrs. Sadler at least was understanding and didn’t want Delphine bringing a virus into her house.

” _You_ might not be able to get sick,” she’d told a grumpy Sarah. “But I’d rather Kira and I didn’t catch anything.”

When she got back, Delphine had buried herself under the blankets again with her eyes screwed shut against the ache in her head. Cosima knelt down beside the bed and when Delphine cracked open her eyes, smiling weakly at her, she placed a hand on her cheek.

“Do you want me to get you anything?” she offered.

“I took some Tylenol,” she told her hoarsely. Cosima stroked her face and she caught her hand, pulling it gently down to her neck. “That feels so good…” she mumbled.

“Does it?” Cosima asked. Delphine was so hot it probably would have burned if Cosima had a real body. She crawled in beside her, pressing her forehead against hers and patting her hands on her cheek and neck, trying to cool her off. “Does it still hurt?”

“It’s going away,” she answered quietly. She wrapped an arm around Cosima, clutching her weakly around her waist. “Thank you. That’s much better.” 

Cosima kept herself pressed against her, using the chill of her body to bring down her fever until she fell asleep. Delphine was so exhausted it didn’t take long. Soon she lost her grip on Cosima and her arm lay limply across her hip, her breathing soft and even.

The heat from her body flowed into Cosima like a swollen river, seemingly as endless as her capacity to absorb it. Eventually though, Delphine started shivering, and she slid out from under her to watch her from the side of the bed, a knot in her stomach.

It could just be the flu but… she was scared. She was scared of what they’d done to Delphine, scared that they had her own body somewhere frozen and vulnerable, scared that these people were toying with their lives like this. They had a plan, but as determined as Delphine was to see it through they weren’t really in control. So many things could go wrong and the consequence for their failure might be death, not just for themselves but for all the innocent people depending on them to succeed.

And what if Delphine was wrong about this being the flu? What if this was the start of an adverse reaction to the technology that let her see Cosima? What could they do if it was? Bring her to a hospital? Would that even help?

“What am I supposed to do now?” she whispered to herself.

She couldn’t just sit there by her bedside, waiting for something bad to happen. Stillness only fed the growing sense of helplessness gripping her throat. So, she left her alone to sleep, trying to distract herself by practicing control over her abilities. Being productive had to be better than wallowing in her own hopelessness, right?

The abilities were tied to her emotions, chaotic and seemingly beyond her control, but she was feeling some pretty strong emotions right now, so what if she could channel that?

There was a pen laying on the living room table and she picked it up, concentrating on keeping herself solid around it. It was much smaller than Delphine was, only a fraction of her weight, and she'd managed to move her across the city. She tried to tell herself that this shouldn’t be difficult compared to that. Then, focusing on the bathroom, she did her best to hold onto it as she teleported there.

The pen clattered to the living room floor just as she appeared in front of the toilet and Cosima groaned in frustration. When she teleported back to the living room, she saw that she hadn’t even moved it from the spot she’d been standing.

Prodding it with her toe, she mulled over what to do next. Maybe something lighter?

She spotted a piece of paper sitting on the kitchen island, a small sheet torn off a notepad that Delphine had been writing on. It was much easier to pick up than the pen, but teleporting to the bathroom yielded the same results.

Eyes closed, she took a few deep breaths to quell her frustration, doing her best not to think of all the other things sliding out of her control.

As she retrieved the piece of paper from the kitchen floor, she tried to remember what had allowed her to teleport Delphine that night. She’d been scared, but she was scared now too, wasn’t she? Not just fear then… love maybe? She’d known in that moment that she loved Delphine with all her heart and she’d been terrified of parting with her. Her attachment to her had been so strong she’d been unable to let her go…

Attachment. Maybe that was it. Maybe she’d _attached_ herself to Delphine strongly enough to bring her with her. It didn't make much sense, but nothing about her current form really seemed to make sense anyway. This was deep fringe, science so far away it might as well be magic. All she really had right now was her intuition and a bit of common sense. If A led to B once, then maybe it could again. 

She stared down at the paper in her hands, at Delphine’s neat, looping handwriting, trying to think of it as a piece of her. This little page had her words etched onto it, it had her mark, it was precious.

When she teleported again, appearing in front of the same mirror she’d scared Delphine in not so long ago, she opened her eyes to find the paper still in her hand.

“I did it!” she breathed.

She laughed in relief, grinning from ear to ear before she thought that she needed to tell Delphine and remembered how sick she might be. In an instant, it all came rushing back and she sank to the bathroom floor, clutching the paper tightly in her hands, as a crushing weight settling over her.

Without consciously thinking about it, she found herself at Delphine’s side. Her soft breathing filled the dark room and Cosima climbed into the bed beside her, giving her enough distance so she wouldn’t steal the warmth from her body. She watched her, each rise of her chest, each sound of air passing in and out of her lungs washing over her reassuringly and after several minutes she managed to calm herself down. Still, she couldn’t leave her again. It was like being a little kid again, too scared to sleep alone in the dark. Everything was going wrong but, as weak as she was, Delphine’s presence made her feel safer.

She couldn’t sleep, of course, but she let her thoughts drift into something a bit like laying awake at night, trying to figure out what to do. If Delphine wasn’t better by the end of the day she was going to get Scott. They were going to do something about this. They’d help her. They had to.

///

Delphine woke up around four thirty, stumbling into the kitchen holding her head between her hands and searching for a bottle of Tylenol and a glass of water.

The pain wasn’t going away, it was getting worse. And her skin still felt hot and sore, her head fuzzy and muffled as if it were filled with cotton.

“Whoa, do you need help?”

She felt Cosima’s hands, blissfully cool, taking her arm and guiding her to the kitchen island where she could sit down on one of the stools.

“I need to get some Tylenol,” she mumbled half-heartedly, sitting down anyway.

Her arms and legs felt like concrete and even the short walk to the cabinet felt too far. She wondered how she’d made it all the way to the kitchen.

“I’ll get it,” Cosima offered.

Delphine watched blearily as she slowly opened the cabinet, struggling to pick up the bottle of pills. With both hands, and her face twisted in concentration, she managed to hop it the short distance to the kitchen island where Delphine could reach it, dropping it down onto the marble with a rattle and a soft thud.

“Thank you,” she whispered gratefully.

“Do you need water too?” Cosima asked but Delphine was already unscrewing the top of the bottle to shove two pills into her mouth, managing to swallow them dry. “Um… I guess not…”

“I’ll get some in a minute,” she told her.

She did want the water, but she also knew Cosima probably couldn’t bring her a full glass without dropping it and scattering the shards all over the floor. The gesture was sweet, but she didn’t want to worry about the mess or expect Cosima to do things that were impossible for her. Instead, she lay her cheek down on her arm and waited for the world to stop spinning around her.

“It’s not the flu, is it?” Cosima guessed miserably, taking a seat beside her.

She brushed her fingers over Delphine’s cheek and the chill of her skin felt so good that Delphine took her hand to guide it up to her forehead. Cosima complied without hesitation, cooling her off as she’d done earlier, and when Delphine opened her eyes, she saw her staring down at her with undisguised panic.

“I don’t think so,” she mumbled.

Dread had taken root in her gut and admitting that out loud caused it to tendril up into her chest, thick poison vines that left her even weaker than she already was.

“I’m going to get Scott,” Cosima told her, already shooting to her feet. “We’ll get you to a hospital.”

“No,” Delphine objected hoarsely. “No… no hospitals. It’s too dangerous.”

“Too dangerous?” Cosima parroted incredulously. “What if you’re dying?”

Fear shot up her spine, making the pain in her head flared up. She screwed her eyes shut, trying to concentrate. Why had she gotten out of bed?

“I’ll go to DYAD,” she managed.

“DYAD are the ones who did this to you!” Cosima exclaimed, arms flying, and Delphine winced at how loud she was. “Sorry,” she said quickly. She sat down again, gently pushing the hair from Delphine's face. “I just… I don’t understand why you'd want to go there now…”

“They might help me,” she answered quietly.

“Or they might let you get worse,” Cosima argued, remembering to keep her voice down.

“And a doctor might kill me trying to remove the implant,” Delphine reminded her gravely. “DYAD knows what this is. It’s their technology. I think they’re my best chance at… at…” Her stomach twisted with fear and tears burned behind her eyes and she buried her face in her arm. 

What if Cosima was right? The technology was never supposed to fail, not in people like her. What if they didn’t know how to fix it? Or… didn’t want to?

She lifted her head, reining in her tears. “Cosima… if anything happens to me-” she began but Cosima shook her head sharply, cutting her off.

“Don’t say that.” She kissed her temple fiercely and stroked her hair again. “We’re gonna fix this.”

Delphine nodded, doing her best to remain optimistic. “I’ll call Dr. Leekie,” she told her.

But as she tried to stand the room spun again and she dropped her head back down with a groan.

“How can you possibly trust them with this?” Cosima muttered.

“I don’t,” Delphine mumbled.

“Then why...” Cosima began.

“Because,” she said, gathering her strength to explain. “I don’t know how far they’ll go to keep what they’ve done a secret. If we risk exposing their technology to the public…”

She trailed off, but even sideways she could see from Cosima’s expression that she understood. “They won’t let you go to a hospital,” she said dully. Her lip trembled. “I’ll come with you to DYAD.”

“No,” Delphine whispered. “We can’t risk it. If they find out how much you know, we could both be in danger.” Cosima closed her eyes painfully and Delphine reached out to take her hand, gripping it as firmly as she could. “Promise me, Cosima. You’ll stay here. Or with Scott. Stay away from DYAD.”

Cosima opened her mouth but nothing came out. Tears welled up in her eyes as she shook her head. “I…”

Delphine managed to sit up again. “Promise me,” she insisted.

Their eyes met, Cosima’s wet and miserable, but she nodded stiffly. “OK.”

Delphine squeezed her hand again before letting here eyes shut, wishing she were still in bed. “I think you need to go get Scott now,” she mumbled.  

 

 

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

“So, Delphine’s really sick?” Sarah asked in a hushed voice, standing beside Cosima and watching as Scott drew some of Kira’s blood. “It’s definitely a reaction to what they put inside of her?”

Cosima nodded numbly. “Yeah.” She felt Sarah’s eyes on her, quietly prompting for more information, and she swallowed down the lump in her throat. “Scott says they tested her as soon as she came in. Her body’s started reacting to the implant and the microbots it’s producing.”

“Bloody hell,” Sarah muttered. “But they’re treating her, yeah?”

“They’ve been giving her immunosuppressants,” Cosima told her heavily. “They want to buy themselves time while they try to figure out what’s going wrong. But they won’t take it out,” she added bitterly. “They told Scott it was too dangerous but I think they’re worried about damaging their investment.”

As they watched, Scott drew the needle from Kira’s arm, opening a small bandage for the pinprick size wound it had left behind. A few feet behind them, Siobhan and Sarah’s brother Felix were deep in quiet conversation, likely not that different from the one Sarah and Cosima were having.

Sarah shook her head, staring at her daughter. “What do I do if this happens to her too? Do I take her to a hospital?”

“Delphine thought it would be too dangerous to threaten exposing their technology to the public,” Cosima answered. Sarah frowned at her, not understanding. “She thinks they’d hurt her if she tried to go to a hospital,” she clarified grimly.

“And what do you think?” Sarah asked.

What did she think? She didn’t believe that bullshit about the implant being too dangerous to remove. She’d seen Delphine’s notes on her own symbiote which had been designed to do as little damage to the host as possible upon removal. The implant itself should have been safe, even older models of it. It was the things it was producing that were causing the problem. DYAD was refusing to do it, but a doctor would have been able to take it out. Would they have let Delphine survive long enough to get to the operating table though?

“I think it’s a risk either way,” she admitted. _We’re screwed whatever we do._

Sarah nodded to show she understood, but Kira was already skipping towards her and she plastered on a smile as she stepped towards her daughter. Cosima saw her explaining something to her but she couldn’t hear from where she was standing. She wondered just how much she was telling her about all of this.

“How are you doing?” Scott asked, coming to stand beside her.

“I’m not the one you should be worried about,” Cosima muttered.

“She’ll be OK,” he pressed but Cosima shook her head darkly.

“How can you know that?” she asked. “They have all of us under their thumb and they can squash us whenever they want. Or hold us down until we suffocate.”

“They’re treating her,” he pointed out.

She scoffed. “They’re sustaining their product.”  

Siobhan stepped beside Scott and Cosima jumped out of the way with a grimace, not in the mood to be passed through right now.

“Oh, sorry Cosima,” she apologized, noticing Scott’s gaze as he followed her movement.

“That’s OK,” she answered tiredly.

“She says it’s OK,” Scott translated and Siobhan gave her a small smile which she instinctively returned.

“When will we know if she has it?” she asked Scott seriously.

“I’m going to drive it to Delphine’s friend tomorrow night,” Scott told her. “Delphine gave me a message to give to her, so she’ll know who I am.”

“How is she?” she asked sympathetically and Cosima winced, already sick of the answer Scott kept giving.

“She’s holding on,” he said, his gaze flickering towards Cosima who’s expression remained stony.

Cosima was still angry that he’d seen her today and she hadn’t. She’d grilled him for details on her condition and he’d dodged her questions until she’d begged him for solid answers. The truth was, Delphine wasn’t getting any better. She was weak, feverish and sluggish from the medication they were giving her to dull the pain in her head. When Scott had left her, she’d been barely conscious with a fever of 103 degrees. Right now, they couldn’t even be sure if she was still alive or how much worse she’d gotten since Scott had left and it was taking every ounce of willpower Cosima had not to teleport to her side. 

They could let her die for their stupid experiment and Cosima wouldn't even know until Scott went to check on her tomorrow. Delphine could be dying, and standing there doing nothing while she slipped away was unbearable. 

Suddenly she needed to get out of there. She wasn’t useful anyway. She didn’t know any more than Scott and she couldn’t take the blood sample from Kira or explain anything to Siobhan. They didn’t need her and she needed to be outside because the walls felt like they were closing in around her.

In a flash, she was standing behind the fence in front of the house, looking out into the night. It was only five thirty but the sun set early this time of year and it had been dark for at least twenty minutes. A car passed, bright headlights obscuring the road behind it and Cosima gripped the stone post, trying to keep herself from falling apart entirely.

There was a small pop which Cosima wasn’t entirely sure she’d heard or felt, and she turned to see Sarah standing beside her.

“Can I join you?” she asked.

Cosima nodded numbly. “Sure.”

“I wish I could have a drink,” Sarah muttered, staring out at the road. “Everything is going to shit. Would you believe I liked it better when I thought I was dead?” She shook her head. “I’m as good as dead now anyway, aren’t I? And at least before I thought my family was safe.”

Cosima knew exactly what she meant. “Yeah.”

“I think I’m sliding away,” she admitted, her voice small. “Do you feel that too? It’s like… Everything is harder to reach. Yesterday I tried to take Kira’s hand and mine went right through.”

“What?” Cosima turned to her in surprise.

“That’s never happened with you and Delphine?” she asked.

“No,” Cosima answered. “But she wasn’t with me yesterday,” she added bitterly. They were silent for a moment, wallowing in the thick smog of despair that had settled over their lives. “I do feel it though,” Cosima admitted quietly after a minute. “I thought it was all in my head but… Everything is right here but it feels like it’s getting further away…”

“What does that mean?” Sarah asked uneasily.

Cosima shook her head helplessly. “I don’t know. We don’t really understand this stuff Sarah, we’re not there yet. DYAD was just poking at things in the dark and they bottled what they found before they knew what it was.”

Sarah groaned, leaning on the fence in front of her. “I could really use a drink,” she lamented again.

“I found something close once,” Cosima told her, remembering the night Delphine had left her. “I walked into a river and it pulled me apart. It wasn’t like I was drunk or whatever but it… I guess it helped.”

“I have something like that,” Sarah told her. She glanced over her shoulder. “I don’t think they’ll miss us if we’re gone for a bit.”

“Where are we going?” Cosima asked.

Sarah stood up and shot her a half smile. “To have a drink.”

///

They didn’t know how to teleport together so Sarah led her by bus to where they were going. She took her under a bridge, to a dark and grimy place by the tracks that was covered in graffiti and probably would have made Cosima nervous if she had a body that normal people could see.

 Or, specifically, if her body was with her, not frozen and hidden in some power-hungry corporation’s basement. It was still difficult for her to get her head around the idea that she had a living body somewhere that she wasn’t attached to. It was even more difficult to sit with the fact that someone else was in control of it. 

A few feet ahead of her, Sarah stepped onto the tracks, motioning for Cosima to follow. Confused but curious she squeezed on beside her and there they waited, listening to the night.

“What are we doing?” Cosima asked.

“Waiting for the train,” Sarah told her.

A bolt of alarm ran up her spine and Cosima shot her a look. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“What? It can’t hurt us,” Sarah reminded her.

“Yeah, I guess,” Cosima agreed reluctantly.

But when the tracks started to shake, the chug of a train reaching her ears just before she saw its dark shape speeding towards them, she balked.

“It won’t hurt,” Sarah promised, catching her arm. “Just stay still.”

Cosima gulped, forcing herself to relax. Why not? It couldn’t be worse than what she was already feeling. She screwed her eyes shut, planting her feet stubbornly onto the tracks as it grew louder and louder.

The ground shook underneath them and she remembered with another unpleasant bolt of fear another day, when she was five years old and the kitchen floor had begun to rumble like the house had a flat tire. She remembered plates falling out of the cabinets, smashing to pieces on the floor, remembered the lights going out. The vibrations weren’t as powerful but it was just as loud and her heart was beating like the blades of a helicopter in her ears just as it had been back then.

The train closed in on them at unimaginable speed. Sarah let out a wild whoop beside her and suddenly it was right on top of them.

There was no pain, but the impact blew her apart. For what could have been seconds or hours, she had no form, no sense of the world around her. She simply _was,_ without time, without pain, with only a barely perceptible sense of self. It was like the moment right before you fall asleep when you had just barely enough of yourself left to know you existed but rather than closing in on unconsciousness she felt as if she were spreading thinner and thinner into dust.  

She came back together slowly, fragments finding each other, until she and Sarah were standing on the tracks again with the train speeding away behind them.

“OK, the river was way less terrifying than that,” Cosima said after a few seconds.

Sarah laughed heartily at her, throwing her head back a little, and Cosima couldn’t help but smile.

“You want to try that next?” she offered.

Cosima’s face fell and she shook her head. “No.”

 It felt too much like running away. This hurt like hell but she needed to face it because letting her life, Delphine’s life, _everyone_ else’s life, slip through her fingers would hurt even worse.

“Yeah, I should get home,” Sarah agreed wearily. “Make sure Kira’s OK.”

“She could just be naturally gifted,” Cosima pointed out hopefully. “We know younger kids can see us, so it’s possible that something about her natural physiology just let her keep seeing us.”

“Like what?” Sarah wondered.

“I don’t know,” Cosima admitted. “A mutation maybe? Letting her produce whatever her body needs to perceive us? That sort of thing. She might be completely unaltered by DYAD.”

“Might be,” Sarah echoed skeptically.

An uncomfortable silence fell between them and Cosima found herself thinking once again of the earthquake. She remembered the fear more than anything else. It saturated the distant memory, keeping it sharp where the years would have otherwise worn it down. She remembered the way it froze her from the inside out, stiffening her limbs and sealing shut her throat until her mom had scooped her up. That was what had finally thawed her, strong arms tight around her and a voice in her ears reminding her firmly that she wasn’t alone. How long would the icy grip of that fear have clawed at her stomach if she’d been all by herself?

Delphine was alone now. Alone and sick and in pain and probably just as scared as Cosima had been then, maybe even more so if she was conscious enough to realize how hurt she was. Suddenly Cosima couldn’t stand the thought of leaving her there by herself, no matter how dangerous it might be.

She turned to Sarah, tears building in her eyes. “I have to go. It’s Delphine… I can’t…”

Sarah nodded, understanding. “Yeah,” she said quietly. “I know. I have to go home too.”

Cosima gave her a weak smile and, seemingly at the same moment, they both blinked out of existence.

///


	19. Chapter 19

It wasn’t difficult to find Delphine. Cosima could feel the tug of her existence wherever she was and she followed it effortlessly to a darkened room with a hospital bed and a set of blinking machines. Delphine was laying down, her eyes closed and her chest gently rising and falling. As still as snow.

Thinking she was asleep, Cosima carefully took a seat on the side of her bed but Delphine’s eyes opened the moment the mattress moved. She blinked in surprise, opening her mouth to speak, before Cosima held a finger to her lips and she fell silent.

“I’ll be careful,” she promised. “Just… You don’t have to say anything.” She took her hand, being sure not to move it too much as she did, and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I’m here, OK?”

A tear slid down her face and Delphine closed her eyes, nodding faintly. She gave Cosima’s hand a light squeeze and Cosima reached up with her other one to wipe the tear off her face. She leaned forward, giving her a gentle kiss and when she pulled away Delphine’s eyes were still shut.

Cosima let her sleep, checking the machines that monitored her heartbeat and vital signs, but she didn’t know how to read everything they displayed. Her pulse seemed slow when Cosima touched her neck, and she still felt like she was on fire, but she’d fallen unconscious too quickly for Cosima to know if she were still in pain.

All night she stood guard over her, unable to leave her side, and every time Delphine stirred she’d give her hand a squeeze, gently reassuring her that she was still there, and she’d fall back asleep. In the smallest hours of the morning, when Delphine had been still for a very long time, something shifted.

At first, Cosima thought she was imagining it, a shimmer that danced on her skin, wove through her hair, but it grew brighter and brighter until it lit the room. It was beautiful, liquid light the colour of twinkling stars and it had a sound that was like someone singing even though there was nothing about it that resembled words. For a moment, Cosima sat mesmerized by it, until it began to lift off Delphine’s body.

Something about the light leaving her was instinctively wrong, the way watching the blood drain from a person could leave you queasy, and Cosima reached out to catch it, clutching it gently between her fingers so that tendrils of it still flickered against Delphine’s skin.

“No,” she breathed. “No… don’t…”

It was like holding onto a very thin sheet, smooth and light, caught on a breeze only it could feel. It wasn’t cold exactly but it left the same tingling feeling on her hands as ice did as Cosima fought to pull it back down.

Eventually, despite her best efforts, she felt it start to slip through her fingers, lifting away from Delphine, and in desperation she threw herself on top of it, pinning it down and back over her where it belonged. The strange wind tore at it and it tangled around Cosima, caught on her body, but she held it down stubbornly even as the light enclosed her completely and the humming was so loud it blocked out everything else.

And then… it recognized her. And she recognized who it was. This thin sheet of light and sound wasn’t like blood at all. It wasn’t part of Delphine, it _was_ Delphine. This was her soul, a real human soul in it’s untainted form.

 The second Delphine knew who she was, she changed from starlight to sunshine gold, the hum softening and the cold thawing into warmth that lapped against Cosima’s sides and cheeks like waves on a beach.

But the wind still tore at them, fiercer than ever, and she struggled to keep her from sliding out from under her.

“You have to fight,” she urged, unsure whether she could even understand her in this state.

She’d recognized her somehow but could she hear? Could she see? Or were those things just a human perception of the universe? Cosima might be a soul herself but she was a messed-up version of one, boxed in to act like a human and she had no idea what it was supposed to be like.

Delphine had changed back to white, pulsing bright and dim, the sound becoming choppy and erratic as she rose and fell back onto her body and Cosima realized she was struggling to stay attached to it. Was this what real death was? Being pulled from a body too weak to hold onto you? Was Delphine aware of what was happening to her or was this struggle instinctual? Did it happen, unseen, each time someone left this world? 

Cosima clutched her tightly, pushing her face into Delphine neck. Delphine couldn't leave her, not now when she'd just found her. Not now when they might have a chance at a life together. Not now when most of her life was still left ahead of her. 

“C’mon,” she murmured into her skin. “You can do this…”

The light changed back to gold briefly at the sound of her voice, bathing her in warmth for a moment before turning white again and Cosima noticed that the wind seemed to have less power over her when she was gold.

“You can hear me,” she realized, pulling her head back a little though she still needed to keep a tight grip on Delphine so she wouldn’t blow away. As she spoke she was once again bathed in warm golden light. “OK… OK… um….” What was she supposed to say? Did it matter? “You have to hold on OK? We’re so close to being free of them…” That wasn’t true but she tried to pretend it was, for Delphine’s sake. “I can almost taste freedom…”

Delphine was still gold, denser, more solid, starting to settle back onto her body. A tendril of light reached up to caress Cosima’s cheek but that seemed more Delphine's doing than whatever the outside force was. Some part of her must have known she was there, however she was sensing it.

“I’ll go to France with you. I'll see where you grew up,” Cosima promised. “With my real body, not the one they made me into. And I’ll take you out onto the ocean…”

The light started fading, the humming muffled quieter and quitter until it came to a complete stop and she was left in darkness, the only sounds the beeps of the machine’s and Delphine’s soft breathing.

She laughed in surprise, choking off into a sob of relief and with tears streaming down her face she pressed her forehead against Delphine’s temple. She kept herself wrapped around her, unwilling to move in case the light started to lift off of Delphine again. She guarded her until morning came but it didn’t happen again.

Instead, she grew stronger. Her heartbeat rose, her breathing evened out and just as sunlight was starting to peek into the room, her fever broke.

Eventually, Delphine woke up. She looked at Cosima, really looked at her, and all the words she wanted to say but couldn’t thundered behind her eyes. Cosima wasn’t sure if she were grateful or angry with her or both. She couldn’t tell if she remembered what had happened but it was clear from her expression that Cosima being there was making her very nervous.

 It was only then that she was able to leave her, thinking again of the danger her presence was putting them in, but after what had happened she couldn’t regret it. Delphine could be as angry with her as she wanted to be, but if Cosima hadn’t been there she might not have made it and saving her was worth any risk she'd had to take.

She stared back at her, a little defiantly, even as she pulled away and sat up. “I’ll see you at home.” Then, gentler. “Get better, OK?”

And then, with a blink, she was gone.

///

Delphine stared up at he ceiling as the sunrise slowly lit the room, knots looping in her stomach. Her skin still ached and her head throbbed in time with her heartbeat but the weakness that had gripped her like iron talons had finally released her and she was pretty sure was going to be OK.

But Cosima might have just jeopardized everything else.

She’d been there all night. Delphine vaguely remembered her holding her hand, telling her softly to go back to sleep as she drifted in and out of consciousness. At the time, in her fever induced haze, it had been soothing but now the idea of Cosima sitting all night in the heart of DYAD was making her skin prickle with panic.

Why? Why hadn’t she just listened? Were a few moments of comfort really worth risking everything they’d fought for? Why couldn’t she have just stayed away?

The door creaked open and Delphine quickly composed herself. Tilting her head, she caught sight of Dr. Leekie and forced a weak smile to match his.

“Feeling any better?” he asked, watching patiently as she pushed herself up so she could lean against her pillow.

“Much,” she answered honestly. Then, with less sincerity than her voice suggested. “Thank you.”

Dr. Leekie took the seat beside her bed, leaning forward so that he wasn’t touching the back of it. “It seems you had a visitor last night,” he commented and Delphine nearly choked on the breath she was taking.

“What do you mean?” she asked carefully.

“We have infrared cameras in the facility as well as security cameras,” he explained. “So even though the regular cameras don’t pick up on our subjects in hibernation, their Soulwaves appear as a mass of cooler air. And, either we were accidentally blowing cold on air on you all night and I owe you an apology, or Cosima paid you a visit.”

“I haven’t told her anything,” Delphine said quickly.

“Of course not,” Dr. Leekie agreed smoothly. Delphine watched him closely but she couldn’t tell if he was suspicious or not. “But she’s been staying at your apartment again," he added. A statement, not a question.

“We made up,” Delphine supplied helplessly. “It was a silly little argument. I apologized.”

“And she came to visit you here,” he pointed out.

“She was worried about me,” Delphine explained. “She knows I’m sick… I couldn’t hide it from her and she can find me wherever I am.”

“She lay beside you all night,” he told her. He paused and Delphine thought her heart was going to burst out of her chest. “You didn’t tell us how attached she was getting to you.”

Delphine didn’t know how to respond to that. “I… didn’t think it was relevant to the study,” she managed after a brief pause. "I wanted her to trust me, to facilitate my assignment." 

“Ah, but it’s very relevant,” he pressed, the corners of his mouth creeping up in a knowing smile. “We want to know how close she is to a living human being. It’s a good thing,” he added. “It’s good that she can bond with you, but I worry you might be getting too close to her.” He leaned his head on his hand, regarding Delphine carefully. “She’s a sweet girl,” he said. “Smart, cheerful, funny too if I remember correctly.”

“My priority is the project,” Delphine told him firmly.

There eyes met and with a jolt of panic Delphine realized she didn’t know if he believed her or not. After a moment, he nodded.

“Some of my colleagues might have taken you off her case,” he said slowly. “But I’m your supervisor and I’m… curious… about the bond you share with her. I think the subjects’ emotional health is just as important as our ability to maintain them. But I want detailed reports on your relationship with her,” he pressed. “And I’ll be monitoring this situation carefully, do you understand?”

Delphine nodded, trying to look confident. “Of course.”

He stood up, padding her arm as he did and Delphine fought not to flinch away from him.

“Get some rest,” he instructed. "A doctor will come see you in an hour or so but I think you’re out of the woods. You should be fine to go home tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” Delphine repeated quietly, though she meant it even less this time than she had the first time.

///

“Um… are you sure this is safe?” Scott asked nervously, watching Cosima hold onto his arm.

She’d come over to his apartment instead of going home, unable to face being alone after what had happened, and he’d agreed to help her practice her abilities before going to work.

“It worked with the paper last night,” Cosima offered, unconcerned.

“That’s not very comforting,” he told her and she rolled her eyes.

“Look, it worked with Delphine too, didn’t it?” she pointed out. “And she’s fine. Well, actually she’s really not fine… but that's not why... I don't think.”

Scott frowned. “Do you think I’ll start getting sick too?” he asked.

She sighed, letting go of his arm because she couldn’t concentrate with him asking all these questions. “I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “You’ve been working for DYAD longer than Delphine. But there could be other factors involved.”

“Maybe it’s…” He paused but when she tilted her head questioningly at him he looked away.

“What?” she prompted, confused. “What’s wrong?”

He took a seat on his couch, staring down at his hands as he thought. “What if it’s you, Cosima?” he mumbled at last.

“Me?” she blurted out in surprise, but the wheels were already turning in her head. “You mean… exposure to me…”

“That’s the most obvious factor that differentiates her from the rest of us,” Scott supplied unhappily. “You’ve spent way more time with her than you have with us.”

“And Kira’s fine because she doesn’t have an implant,” Cosima added, her heart sinking. Much to Sarah’s relief, the little girl appeared to be naturally gifted rather than altered like the rest of them. She plopped down beside Scott, rubbing the back of her neck. “You think actually using the technology wears it out somehow? Or produces something her body can’t handle? Or that it’s somehow more dangerous when it’s activated?”

“We don’t even know how it works,” Scott lamented. “It’s compartmentalization of information. Subjects are supposed to have as little knowledge about the tests being done on them as possible.”

“So, we have no way of knowing if this is my fault,” Cosima muttered. “Or how it’s happening if it is.” She turned to him. “I can go…”

“No,” he said firmly, shaking his head. “We need to finish this. And in order to do that, you and Sarah need to learn how to teleport people like you did with Delphine.”

“I don’t want to hurt anyone,” she said weakly.

“DYAD did this, Cosima,” Scott told her. “Not you. You can’t blame yourself for what happened to Delphine.”

“I just hope she comes home soon,” she said quietly.

Scott stood up, holding out his hand. “Let’s make sure we have good news for her when you do.” He chuckled awkwardly. “Just… don’t get me stuck in a wall or anything.”

Cosima laughed, still scared but determined to keep fighting, not just for herself but for everyone else.

“Deal.”


	20. Chapter 20

Delphine didn’t come home for another day and, though it was painful to wait, Cosima stayed away from DYAD. She’d managed to move Scott, not very far but she’d done it. And Sarah had managed to teleport not only Kira but Siobhan as well, meaning they might be able to teleport the women on B2 even if they didn’t have microbots inside of them.

She was bursting to tell Delphine the good news. Scott had visited her earlier that day but she’d convinced him to keep it a secret, wanting to surprise her herself when she came home that night. Scott was driving her home after work. She’d called him the night before to ask if he could and she’d sounded much better on the phone, which had lifted Cosima’s spirits even more though she hadn’t been able to talk to her, just hover around Scott's ear until he tilted the speaker towards her.

Now she teleported impatiently between the window overlooking the road and the front door, waiting for Delphine to come home. It was dark already but the thick falling snow lit the night in blue-white. It was beautiful, but she wondered if the weather might be slowing them down.

At last, keys sounded in the door. Cosima had been staring out the window but when she’d heard them she teleported to the front door in a snap, enveloping Delphine in a tight hug as soon as she came through which made her laugh and stumble backwards.

“I missed you so much,” she breathed as Delphine gave her a firm squeeze. After a few seconds, she opened her eyes to look over her shoulder. “Hi Scott,” she added warmly, smiling wider when he waved at her.

She and Delphine pulled apart and Delphine thanked Scott for the ride before stepping inside. Cosima skipped around her, noting that she looked a lot stronger than she had a day ago. The colour was back in her face and she stood tall, gracefully hanging her coat before strolling into the living room where she took a seat on the couch.

“I have some news,” Cosima bubbled, hopping onto the couch beside her.

“So do I…” Delphine replied and something in her voice made Cosima falter.

She made a face. “Mmm… OK…. Uh, you go first. I guess.”

“They’re moving the test up a month,” she told her gravely. Cosima blinked at her, not understanding, and she went on. “They’re waking you up in January.”

She shook her head, frowning in confusion. “Why?”

“I think we’ve spooked them, Cosima,” she answered unhappily. Then, scolding, she added. “You shouldn’t have come to see me.”

Cosima scoffed, bristling at her tone. “You really don’t remember what happened, do you?”

“I know you did your best not to draw attention to yourself,” she answered pacifically. “But they had infrared cameras in the building… they knew you were there.”

They knew how to detect her presence in the building. A chill ran down Cosima’s spine but she pushed it down stubbornly.

“So, what?” she challenged. “You were sick and I came to see you. They know we’re close.”

“They don’t know how close we are,” Delphine warned her. “They can’t know that we love each other. But after last night… I think they suspect at least that you love me…”

“And I was supposed to what? Act like I don’t? Let you die?” she argued. She crossed her arms. “Frock that.”

“Cosima….” Delphine pleaded.

“You lifted out of your body,” she blurted, throwing her hands in the air. The TV popped on, the volume raising steadily until Cosima glared at it and it shut off.

Delphine was staring at her, trying to process what she’d just said. “… what are you talking about?” she asked after a moment.

She didn’t know.

Cosima took a breath, trying to find words for what she’d seen the other night. “I think you were dying,” she told her gently. “You, like, lifted out of your body. But you weren’t like me, you were blue and then yellow and then white and you were hot sometimes and cold other times and just… glowing…. I don’t know… I think it was your soul.”

“That was real….” Delphine breathed.

“You remember?” Cosima asked in surprise.

“I remember… floating,” she answered slowly. “No… I was blowing away. And something pinning me down and I was scared until I… I just knew it was you and then I heard your voice and I followed it back down.” She shook her head. “I thought I was dreaming.”

“You weren’t,” Cosima told her.

“You held my soul to my body,” she realized.

She stared until Cosima shifted uncomfortably.

“What?” she mumbled. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You have so much more power than they think you do,” she murmured. “That’s the second time you’ve saved my life.”

“And I really don’t want to do it a third time,” Cosima joked, smiling in relief when that made Delphine chuckle. But she thought of the time they’d just lost and her face fell. “Can we pull this off in a month?”

“We’ll have to,” Delphine answered, as if it were that simple.

Cosima laughed bitterly. “Yeah, it’s not like if we fail we’ll all die…” she muttered.

“Or we can cut our losses,” Delphine offered quietly. “If we do nothing and let them put you all back into hibernation they’ll have no reason to terminate you.”

“You mean let them win?” Cosima asked tersely. “Live the rest of my existence as their lab rat? And what about? Are they going to let you live? Scott? The others?”

“They want the technology to succeed,” Delphine pointed out, but she didn’t look optimistic and after what DYAD had just let happen, Cosima wasn’t at all optimistic about that either.

“Yeah, but they don’t care who they sacrifice to make it happen,” she shot back. “No. I’m not doing that. I’m not living like this and I’m not going to watch you die just because I’m scared to take a risk.”

“Then we’ll take a risk,” Delphine agreed and Cosima gave her a small smile, warmth rising in her chest at the boldness of those words.

Delphine took her hand, hot and cold coming together, and gave it a firm squeeze. Cosima wondered what this would be like when she had her body back. Would she recognize Delphine then? Or would she have to relearn her touch?

No. Their souls had known each other, surely their bodies would too. Because Delphine was right, what she was now was stronger than any physical body. DYAD had taken away her life but in doing so they might just have given her the strength to take them down.

“I have news too,” she said, her smile widening and Delphine tilted her head curiously. “And I’m pretty sure you’re gonna like it a lot better than yours.”

///

Sarah and Siobhan weren’t happy about the change in plans, but they at least seemed sympathetic about what had happened. Although Siobhan did give both Cosima and Sarah a firm warning to stay away from DYAD which Delphine nodded vehemently along to.

It wasn’t as if either of them wanted to go back there anyway.

Alison had been annoyed at first but she’d been as sympathetic as Sarah and Siobhan had been when they’d explained why Cosima had been there. Mark was harder to read. He hadn’t scolded them outright, but he hadn’t acted like he understood either. He was guarded, isolating himself from the rest of them unless he absolutely needed to interact and it made Cosima and the others nervous about trusting him. But he was also the quickest to pick up on his abilities and his strategic thinking had impressed even Siobhan so, hopefully, he was worth keeping around.

As the weeks went by, much faster than Cosima wanted them too, she and the other souls got stronger. They honed their abilities, especially their teleportation ability which would be the most useful, but they also practiced controlling electronics and moving heavier and heavier objects around.

Cosima was the best at precise teleportation while Sarah excelled at teleporting other people with her and Mark was the best at controlling electronics. He could loop a camera just by thinking about it, a skill they were planning on exploiting to buy time as they got everyone out. Alison wasn’t as good with her powers as the others. After three months, she’d been completely unable to control them and she still could barely move a sheet of paper.

Siobhan thought it had something to do with her not accepting herself as a Soulwave but Cosima didn’t really understand that, since none of them had accepted the form they were in. That was why they were fighting DYAD so hard, wasn’t it?

Whatever the problem was, Alison did manage to improve a little and they’d agreed to bring her with them as a lookout.

While the four of them got stronger however, Delphine and the others got weaker. Scott and the guys had started getting headaches, brought down by light fevers every few days, but Delphine in comparison made them look healthy.

Her head hurt all the time, what she’d described as a throbbing pain that extended from the front of her head to the top of her spine. Her face was a constant shade of white-grey and she tired quickly. She’d lost her appetite, she was irritable, and she slept for much longer than she had before. DYAD was giving her medication to combat her symptoms but Cosima didn’t think it was going to be enough. The truth was, Delphine was running out of time and the others probably weren’t far behind her. Which left Cosima thinking it might be a good thing their plans had moved up a month.

All too soon, the month came to an end. Everyone took the last night off to spend with their family, their friends, their cat. Everyone wanted to be home before it happened and Cosima wondered if this was what it was like being sent off to war, with no guarantee of success, no guarantee of everyone coming back.

That night, she and Delphine lay up on the roof of their building with Delphine in her winter coat huddled under two thick blankets, staring up at the winter sky.

“You cold?” Cosima asked, feeling out of place in her light clothing.

Delphine gave her head a light shake, still looking up. “I’m fine.”

Cosima had teleported her up there, a final practice run, though by now moving Delphine around was much easier than it had been only a few weeks ago. She stared at her pale face, noticing the grey that circled her eyes, illuminated under the white lights of the city around them. She wasn’t moving much and Cosima wondered how bad her headache was right now.

“What do you think death supposed to be like?” she asked. “I mean, I’m not really dead, right? This isn’t it. I’m not even a real soul anymore.”

“I don’t know,” Delphine admitted, still looking up. “There are too many possibilities to narrow it down to one. Although… I hope it’s somewhere we can find each other.”

Cosima took her hand, the warmth of her skin trapped under the wool mitten that covered it, and Delphine clutched her back tightly.

“Do you think I’ll ever see my family again?” Cosima asked under her breath, each doubtful word a crack in her heart.

“You could go home,” she offered gently. “Before-“

“No,” Cosima said quickly, shaking her head. “Not like that. I can’t…” She sighed, thinking of the way she had to watch the rest of the world stare through her. “Not like that.”

“OK,” Delphine agreed, giving her hand another gentle squeeze.

They continued to look up a the twinkling dots, burning white lights on an endless canvas of nothing, and Cosima found her thoughts wandering back to what happened in that nothingness in between them.

“Some of the stars we’re seeing are almost twenty quadrillion miles away,” she said quietly. “But the light still reaches us. It travels all that time, all that distance, but it’s still light.” She turned to Delphine, waiting until Delphine tilted her head to look at her. “You were so beautiful,” she breathed.

Maybe there was no darkness in between. Maybe that light never went out. Cosima really hoped not, it was terrible to think of the brilliant shining form that housed her beloved blinking out forever. What was inside of her was too beautiful to go away somewhere where nothing could reach it.

Delphine shifted onto her side, placing her free hand gently onto Cosima’s face. The fuzz from the fabric tickled her cheek but she felt herself relax, grounded beneath her touch.

“So are you,” Delphine told her.

She smiled sadly. “How do you know? I’m, like, a computer simulation or something. You haven’t seen the real me.”

“Because I’ve felt it,” she answered. “You are so much more than what they’ve trapped you in.”

Cosima looked into her eyes, entranced by her sincerity, before moving forward to kiss her. Delphine held her face, sinking into the kiss, but after a moment Cosima gently pulled away.

“I’m scared,” she whispered, her forehead pressed against Delphine’s.

“Me too,” Delphine admitted. Cosima shifted onto her side, anchoring her arm around Delphine’s middle as Delphine gently ran her hand down her face. “But I love you.”

She shuddered, tears stinging her eyes, and tilted her head to kiss her again. In a flash, they were back in the apartment, the blankets forgotten on the roof for now, and an unfazed Delphine was pulling her deeper into the kiss.

Delphine had more layers than her and Cosima took her time helping her out of them, not wanting her to get cold, gentle with her because she knew she was already in pain. But they were hungry for each other and soon Delphine burned like the heat of a fire and her fluid movements betrayed no sign of discomfort. She kissed her neck and, just for a moment, Cosima thought she could smell her as well as feel the hot softness of her skin.

Holding her tightly, Delphine trailed tender kisses along her jaw, up to her ear and, suddenly, Cosima didn’t want to worry about tomorrow. She didn’t want to think about death or how scared she was. She just wanted Delphine, her body, her love for her, and all the golden light that brought into the world.


	21. Chapter 21

The day of the awakenings, Delphine went to work with a terrible headache. The pain in her head was familiar by now, but this time it was so bad she’d opted to take the bus instead of driving and even after taking more Tylenol than she probably should have, it felt like there were knives under her skull.

It hadn’t started until after breakfast. She’d woken up relatively peaceful, relaxed from the night before. When she’d opened her eyes, she’d caught Cosima staring at her like she’d been scared she wouldn’t wake up, like she thought that even though she had, neither of them were going to see tomorrow. She’d stared, laying on her side with a look in her eyes that made Delphine reach out to her instinctively.

“We’ll be OK,” she’d murmured, stroking her cheek.

Cosima had nodded along shakily and Delphine had kissed before getting up to get ready for work.

Now she sat in the lab, listening to the clock tick behind her, her gaze drawn insistently to the time displayed in the corner of her screen. Time was speeding by too quickly and yet it seemed painfully slow too. Eons passed in the blink of an eye and the start of the day, still a fresh memory, was ancient history.

At least the throbbing pain under her skull was starting to subside.

“Is your head still bothering you?” Dr. Leekie asked, pausing to stand beside her on his way to one of the machines. “We can adjust your medication.”

“Oh…. Maybe tomorrow,” Delphine said politely. “I have so much work to do, and I really just want to get home and sleep.”

He eyed her carefully and she shielded herself with a mask of impassiveness. Time ground to a halt and she had to remind herself not to hold her breath. 

At last, he shrugged. “OK. But tell us if you feel any worse."

“I will,” she answered. “Thank you.”

As he walked away, she glanced once again at the clock.

6:30

Cosima and the others would be back in their bodies by now. She wondered what it had felt like. Were they aware of being pulled back in or had they simply popped out of existence where they were? They’d be unconscious of course, so maybe it was like falling asleep.

“I’m going to call it a night, Delphine,” Leekie said behind her and she had to stop herself from letting out a sight of relief. It was exactly what she’d been waiting to hear. “Don’t work too hard.”

“I’ll just stay another half hour,” she lied.

She made herself wait until he’d been gone for fifteen minutes. Then, satisfied that he wasn’t coming back, she grabbed her bag and left to meet Scott. Hopefully he’d been successful in gaining her access to the rooms Cosima, and the rest of the adult Soulwaves were in. She had the code to deactivate the forcefield surrounding those rooms as well around the area housing the newborns and their mothers. They'd open the gates and after that…

After that it would be up to Cosima and the others to get them out of the building. Her only job would be to keep Cosima, Sarah, Alison and Mark’s bodies safe until they could be awakened too. If anyone found out what was going on, they’d surely kill them. And she wasn’t going to let that happen.

She remembered the choking fear she’d had as she’d run from the armed men only a month ago, her terror of being shot and killed. But that was nothing compared to what she was feeling now because if she failed it wasn’t just her life that would end but all of theirs. Scott, Sarah, those women and their babies, her beautiful Cosima…

In front of Scott’s door, she paused, taking a deep breath in a failing attempt to steady her shaking hands. Then she lifted her arm and knocked three times.

///

Cosima woke up slowly, with the foggy sensation of coming out of a dream even though a part of her already knew that everything she’d experienced had been real.

She ached all over and her limbs felt weakened like someone had cut the muscle away from the bone. Sounds that had blurred together were slowly distinguishing themselves and she heard a steady hum of machines over the sound of someone’s light breathing somewhere beside her.

There was something on her face, fingertips she realized quickly, though colder than she’d felt in a long time. She cracked open her eyes slowly, flinching a little at the light and the harsh blurred images that fell into focus after a few blinks.

Delphine was hovering over her, watching her seriously until Cosima met her eyes and managed a weak smile that made her grin back in relief.

“Is…” She paused, swallowing in an attempt to untighten her dry throat. “Is this me?” she rasped. She sounded horrible but her voice made Delphine smile even wider.

She nodded, stroking her temple. “Yes,” she soothed. “You’re awake. They put you back in your body an hour ago.”

Cosima tried to reach up to touch her but found she didn’t have the strength to lift her arm that high. She wondered what she looked like, weakened away by the hibernation. She wondered how long it would take her body to recover.

Realizing what she was trying to do, Delphine gave her her hand, letting Cosima trace her fingers along her palm and they both chuckled at the strangeness of it.

“I’m not your ghost anymore,” Cosima mused softly. “Well… I will be for again for a little while, wont I?”

“We’ll wait until you’re ready,” Delphine promised. “I just wanted to give you some time…” She caressed Cosima’s cheek, her fingers so strangely cold but still unmistakably familiar. “How do you feel?”

“It hurts,” Cosima admitted. Delphine’s face fell and she gripped her hand, shooting her an encouraging smile. “But I’m glad you did it.”

“Your body should adjust quickly,” Delphine assured her. “Hibernation isn’t as damaging as a coma. It’s designed to preserve your condition. Your muscles won’t have atrophied.”

“It feels like they have,” Cosima mumbled.

“You’re still warming up,” Delphine reminded her.

She smirked at her. “But you feel colder than I am,” she teased.

“Only on the outside,” Delphine answered.

Their eyes met and Cosima felt a stirring in her chest. Nothing had changed between them now that she was back in her body, of course it hadn’t. The emotions were as real as they'd always been, but she wanted more. She wanted to know what the rest of Delphine felt like.

She lifted her head, not very much because she wasn’t strong enough, but Delphine understood instantly and closed the rest of the distance between them so that their lips met in the first kiss between their bodies.

Delphine wasn’t scorching anymore but she was still soft and her scent washed over Cosima, new but somehow obviously recognizable. It smelled right. She smelled _amazing_ and sparks crackled all the way down to Cosima's toes. All too soon though, Delphine was pulling away.

“Are you ready?” she asked gently.

They didn’t have much time. These few precious minutes were stolen but if they hurried, and if they were lucky, they could have decades. Maybe even forever, if whatever Cosima had been had proven anything about the afterlife.

She nodded, slow but certain. “Yeah.”

Delphine cupped her cheek, nodding along. “OK.”

Reaching up, she found a small device attached to Cosima’s IV and pushed the notch three times. A yellow fluid slid down towards Cosima’s arm and she gulped uneasily.

“Don’t be afraid,” Delphine soothed, stroking her cheek again. “It’s like falling asleep, only faster. I’m right he-“

The rest of what she said slid away but Cosima had understood enough to calm herself before she faded away into darkness.

///

Cosima reappeared in the apartment but quickly blinked back to DYAD, finding Sarah, Alison and Mark already waiting for her.

“I hope this works,” Alison muttered.

“As long as you keep an eye on the guards and the cameras,” Sarah warned.

Alison huffed. “You just focus on your part of the plan.”

“Yeah, shouldn’t be too difficult. Just teleporting total strangers out of a building,” Sarah shot back irritably.

“At least you have adults,” Cosima complained, butterflies dancing in her stomach. “Where am I supposed to put them? I can’t just leave little babies in a field, can I?”

“No,” Alison and Sarah said together.

“Obviously,” she grumbled, waving her hands in agitation. “So what do I do?”

“Just give them to the women Sarah brings out,” Alison pointed out, as if it were that simple.

“They can’t even see us,” Cosima objected. “How am I supposed to tell them to hold them?”

“Someone sees a baby floating in the air, they’re going to try to grab it,” Sarah pointed out.

“Oh. Right. Yeah. Well I’m not sure that would be my first reaction….” Cosima admitted and Alison rolled her eyes.

“ _Do_ we know what we’re doing?” Mark asked, eyeing the three of them.

“Just put them near their mothers, Cos,” Sarah instructed. “They’ll take care of them.”

“Just focus on getting as many out as you can,” Mark added.

“Uh, aren’t we getting _everyone_ out?” Cosima objected.

“Not if we don’t get moving,” Sarah pointed out. “Alison, get on those security cameras.”

“I don’t see why you’re in charge,” she mumbled, but the others all shot her a look and she sighed in annoyance. “Fine. I’m going.” And with a poof she was gone.

Mark and Sarah disappeared next, leaving for B2. Mark was going to disable the cameras so they could start teleporting people outside and it didn’t make sense to teleport the babies first.

Cosima went to B2 too, appearing next to the entrance of the nursery instead to wait for Mark. She reached towards the door, flinching even though Delphine and the others should have lowered the force field by now. She still hadn’t forgotten her prior experience with it.

To her great relief, she managed to touch the door, pass her hand through it and, very slowly, step inside.

The babies were sleeping. There were about twelve of them, lined up in neat rows. They could have been several years old already but their bodies had been in hibernation all that time and they hadn’t aged a day. She wondered if they’d remember what had been done to them. She hoped they wouldn’t.

Mark appeared suddenly beside her and she jumped back, raising her arms defensively. “Jesus Christ-“

She was more nervous than she'd thought. If she'd had a heart it'd be beating like a jackhammer right now. 

“Sarah’s started taking the women outside,” he told her, ignoring her reaction. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah, I’m ready,” she agreed.

Mark closed his eyes, concentrating. A few seconds later, he opened them again but it didn’t look like anything had changed. Which didn’t mean it hadn’t of course, since Cosima didn’t know where the cameras were or how to tell if they were recording. He stared up at the lights and they flickered, the signal that would alert Alison, who supposed to be watching. She'd warn them if the cameras weren’t filming in a loop.

They waited a minute but she didn’t appear to tell them it hadn’t worked.

“OK,” Mark told her. “You can start now.”

“And you’re going to go get the people like us out?” Cosima asked, even though she already knew they answer. “You’ll have to be careful. Delphine should be there to help you disconnect them from the machines without hurting them. We’re all going to be pretty weak when we first wake up.”

Delphine, Scott and the others were watching their bodies, which were all in the same room as the rest of adults being experimented on. Some people had already been starting to wake up when she’d left them and Cosima wondered how they were going to explain this to them. Like her, they’d probably thought they were ghosts not subjects in one of the most unethical experiments in history.

“I’ll put them with the pregnant women,” he assured her. “It’s better to keep everyone together… but let’s hope they don’t have to run anywhere….”

“I wish we could teleport them further away,” Cosima muttered. “Like to a police station or something…”

“Maybe if we’d had more time,” he said quietly.

 Their eyes met and Cosima shifted uncomfortably, knowing he blamed her for the hastening of their plans. But he didn’t comment further and she wasn’t going to apologize for doing what had probably saved Delphine’s life.

“I’m OK here,” she told him instead.

Mark gave her a nod, satisfied with that answer, before vanishing.

Doing her best to ignore the anxious rumblings in her gut, Cosima stepped forward and rested a hand gently on the arm of the nearest baby. The baby stirred, making tiny sounds and moving its head towards her, but didn’t wake even as she carefully lifted it out of the plastic cradle.

“Hey there,” she soothed, hoping she was holding it right. “Let’s get out of here, OK?”

The quick blink out into the field startled the baby awake and it started squirming and screaming in her arms. It was a cold night, she wondered if the baby was feeling the bite in the air and hoped they'd be able to get it inside soon. 

“Whoa, hey, careful!” she warned when it continued to squirm. “Not… uh… I guess you don’t understand but…”

 She struggled to shift the baby into a position where it would be easier to keep a hold of it as it flailed its little arms, wondering why they’d chosen her for this role. Probably because she was the only one who still struggled to teleport people who couldn’t see them. Very young children could interact with them the way Delphine and the others did, so it was easier for her to teleport them with her than it would have been teleporting the women or even the other adults waking from hibernation. And using her ghost powers was supposed to be harder than holding onto a baby. 

Footsteps sounded across the grass and suddenly a woman was standing in front of Cosima, holding her arms out for the baby who, to her, must have looked like it was floating in mid air. Cosima passed the baby to her and she took it expertly, looking around in confusion only after the rescue was complete.

“I guess Alison was right,” Cosima mused. She watched as the woman calmed the baby down, feeling a slight weight lifting off of her. “You should both be safe out here,” she told them, even though neither of them would understand. “One down…. Eleven to go.”

She hoped the rest of the night would go this smoothly.


	22. Chapter 22

It only took about twenty minutes for Cosima to teleport all twelve babies out of the building. The adult subjects kept them safe and they looked out for each other too, until Felix and Siobhan arrived to explain what was going on.

They took them away in groups of as many as they could fit into Siobhan’s truck at a time. Siobhan knew a safehouse where they could stay until they were sure DYAD couldn’t get to them. Cosima hoped they’d be able to get to a hospital soon. There was no telling what the effects of being in hibernation that long would have on them or what complications they could encounter as they recovered.

Her own body, along with Sarah, Mark and Alison’s, was still with Delphine and the others. The plan had been to wake up and walk out but, between how weakened she’d felt earlier and how sluggish the others were now, she didn’t think they’d be ready for sneaking around any time soon.

She appeared beside Delphine, briefly caught off guard by the sight of her own unconscious form laying in the bed next to her. Her skin was pale and grey and her face looked strange to her without her glasses. At least her muscles hadn’t atrophied, the hibernation had preserved her in more or less the condition she’d been in three years ago, but she still didn’t look healthy.

“Wow. I’m glad I didn’t look like this on our first date,” she joked, smiling when that made Delphine chuckle.

“You’re beautiful,” she objected. When she reached down to stroke her cheek, Cosima almost thought she could feel it. “Are you ready to wake up again?”

“I think we should just teleport our bodies out of here,” she answered. “I don’t think we’ll be able to walk out of here like this.”

“Yeah,” Sarah agreed. She was standing next to her own body. It looked like she’d already gotten Scott and the guys out. “Cosima’s right, the people Mark left in that field could barely stand.”

“Are you sure? I don’t know how safe it will be to wake you up outside,” Delphine worried, staring between them in alarm.

“Isn’t it just an injection?” Sarah asked.

“Of the SoulMagnets, yes,” Delphine answered and Cosima wondered how anyone could trademark the word ‘soul’ so many times and not think they were doing something evil. “But if something goes wrong, this is where all the medical equipment is.”

“Yeah and this is where the people who almost killed you last time are too,” Cosima pointed out.

Their eyes met and they both knew the other was right. This was a lose-lose situation. It was a risk to stay and a risk to go. The question was, which risk was worse?

 Delphine sighed. “Tell me what you want to do,” she said, looking between Sarah and Cosima.

“I want to get out of here,” Sarah answered instantly.

“Yeah, me too,” Cosima agreed. All else being equal, she’d rather die outside than trapped in here. “We’ll get Mark and Alison out first.”

“Take the SoulMagnets too,” Delphine suggested. “I’ll go last. You need someone to keep your bodies safe.”

Cosima nodded in agreement and Delphine was already moving to load a small bag with syringes and little bottles of a clear blue liquid. Sarah grabbed a hold of Mark, ready to go.

“I don’t think I can take Alison and the bag at the same time,” Cosima confessed.

“We can come back,” Sarah assured her.

Delphine reached out to touch her real cheek. Or… her soul’s cheek. Her fake soul’s cheek. Whatever she was, the feeling was true and she closed her eyes to savour it as fire flowed from Delphine’s fingers for what might have been the last time. Hopefully the next time they touched, Cosima would be warm too.

“Go. I’ll keep all of you safe,” Delphine promised.

Cosima nodded, trusting her completely. She wished she could bring her out first but they needed to stick to the plan. So in the space of a blink she disappeared with the case of supplies, reappearing in a field of snow.

The field was mostly empty now. Siobhan and Felix had gotten most of the people to the safe house, but Scott and the guys were still there along with a few of the women who they were trying to explain everything to. From the horrified looks on their faces, Cosima guessed they believed them.

“What’s going on?” Scott asked, nodding his head toward the unconscious Mark who Sarah was gently laying down in the snow. Hell Wizard was already moving to wrap him in a blanket.

“We decided to wake up after we got out of there,” Cosima told him, handing him the bag. “And that’s what we need to do it. When are Siobhan and Felix coming back?” she added, scanning the nearby road for the outline of her truck. 

“Um… I don’t know. Twenty minutes?” Scott answered, nervous at the sudden change in plans. “Are you guys going to be OK out here in the cold like that?”

None of them were wearing much more than a hospital gown.

“Well, we’ve been frozen for three years already,” Cosima joked dryly. Scott continued to look apprehensive but there wasn't anything she could do about it right now. “I have to get back.”

Without waiting for a reply, she teleported back where her body was, using her connection to Delphine because it was by far the easiest thing to follow. Sarah was there already and they took Cosima and Alison’s bodies out next, leaving Delphine to watch over Sarah’s while they were gone.

Scott took her body, wrapping it in a blanket and, kidding aside, Cosima was glad that Siobhan had thought to bring them because she could tell by the way his breath smoked in the air and his cheeks were splotched with red that it was freezing out there. She exchanged a glance with Sarah, whose troubled expression told her she was thinking the same thing.

If only they’d been able to do this in the summer. Until she’d lived in Toronto, she hadn’t really thought about how difficult winter conditions could make planning anything outdoors, but she was quickly starting to appreciate the isolating power of the cold.

Alison, the real Alison not just her body, appeared suddenly beside her, giving her a start. When she turned to face her, the look on her face didn’t do much to calm her down.

“Did you get everyone out?” Alison asked breathlessly.

 Mark popped up on her other side, looking grim as Cosima shook her head.

“No. Delphine and my body are still in there,” Sarah told them. “Why-“

“They’re onto us!” Alison exclaimed.

_Shit._

Without waiting for further information, Cosima disappeared in a snap, reappearing in the building right beside Sarah and Mark who’d teleported with her.

Delphine was standing stone-still, staring at the doorway with an expression of frightened defiance. She’d positioned herself in front of Sarah and Cosima followed her gaze to a man standing just outside the door. He stared back coldly from behind the barrel of a gun.

She was only a few feet away but when Cosima started towards Delphine the man spoke, stopping her in her tracks.

“Don’t move or I’ll kill her,” he warned fiercely.

“You can see us,” Sarah realized and Cosima’s heart caught in her throat.

“After all the visits you’ve been paying us, we thought we’d update our security,” he told them. “I guess it’s a good thing we did.”

“That means you’re sick,” Cosima blurted.

He glared at her and Delphine shot her a look of alarm.

“Cosima…” she warned quietly.

“I’m not sick,” he argued. "I'm just doing my job." 

_Right, just doing his job threatening to shoot someone. Just a normal day at the office._

“No. I mean… they’re experimenting on you too, right?” she pressed. “If you’re not sick now, you will be. Just like my friends.”

“You’re lying,” he growled.

Cosima shook her head desperately. “No. No, I’m not,” she insisted. “I’m not lying. This is untested technology. You’re gonna get sick. And Delphine… she knows more about this than anyone. You don’t want to hurt her. She can help you. _We_ can help you,” she pressed when he continued to scowl at her. “Just… just put the gun down, OK? And we can talk.”

He hesitated, and for just a second Cosima thought she saw his hand start to lower. Then his face turned scarlet and he made a sound like he was trying to breath in molasses. There was a loud bang as the gun went off and she and Delphine screamed as Sarah grunted in surprise.

Cosima was at Delphine’s side in an instant, watching in a panic as she felt her stomach but when she took her hand away it was dry.

“H-he missed,” she stammered. Cosima let out a breath of relief, pulling her into her arms and Delphine clutched her tightly. “He missed. I’m… I’m OK.”

“What the bloody hell was that?” Sarah snarled behind them.

Over Delphine’s shoulder, Cosima saw Mark shift his cold gaze from the dead man to Sarah.

“He wasn’t going to listen to reason,” he answered evenly.

“You killed him!” Sarah exclaimed. "You killed him with your bloody mind!"

Cosima pulled away from Delphine, catching a glimpse of the carnage and her stomach lurched. Pink foam dripped out from the side of his mouth and his eyes were glazed over. Mark had killed him without even touching him.

“Oh my God…” she choked.

“ _Merde,”_ Delphine gasped, hurrying towards him. “No… no, no, no…”

“You know him?” Sarah asked, watching as Delphine dropped to her knees to feel for a pulse.

She shook her head. “No but… He’s dead…”

“I probably saved your life,” Mark answered.

Anger burned in Cosima’s belly. “You? You almost got her killed!” she snapped rounding on him.

She turned to Delphine, expecting back up, but she was already pushing her way past them, rushing to turn on a computer. Windows were opening in rapid succession on the screen, streams of code appearing inside of them. Delphine wasn't doing it though, she wasn't even touching the keyboard. 

“You’ve ruined everything,” she muttered.

“What are you talking about?” Cosima asked, coming to stand beside her.

Delphine turned to Mark, furious. “The security staff all have implants in their neck, monitoring their pulse, did you know that?” she demanded.

“Why would-“ he began.

“Because DYAD can’t let any of this get out,” she shot back. She wound around Cosima, trying her security pass on the pad by the door that was now flashing red. Nothing happened. “They’re going to wipe all their data from the cloud storage, and then the building is going to self destruct.”

Cosima stiffened, her feet rooted to the ground. They were going to lose everything, all the evidence against DYAD. All that would be left was their word and whatever physical marks had been left on the people experimented on. Would it be enough? 

Sarah rush out to check dead man’s body. “He must have a pass… something to override this,” she muttered, looking through his pockets.

“They wouldn’t make it that easy,” Delphine answered. She tried her hand print but nothing changed. “I can’t override it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this could happen!” Mark shouted.

“Because I didn’t think you were going to kill someone!” Delphine snapped back. Mark opened his mouth to object but she cut him off. “Get Sarah out here. _Now,_ ” she hissed when he didn’t move.

Mark glared, clearly not happy with her ordering him around, but he could see that they were running out of time as clearly as the rest of them. They'd both messed up, and standing around arguing about it was going to get them all killed. So, with a grunt of frustration, he did as she’d told him, taking Sarah’s body and disappearing.

Delphine was still trying the scanner. She’d opened it up to reveal a keypad and was rapidly punching in codes that didn’t work. Sarah stood behind her, watching anxiously.

“What can we do?” Sarah asked.

“Get out of here,” Delphine told them.

“I’m not leaving you,” Cosima objected sharply.

There eyes met and Delphine looked like she wanted to argue when suddenly there was a loud boom and the building shook around them.

Eyes wide with fear, they realized they were out of time. All they could do now was hope that they’d gotten everyone out on time.

“Sarah, go!” Cosima snapped.

She bolted forward towards Delphine, planning to teleport them both out of there but when she got close to the door she felt herself thrown backwards by an invisible force. A terribly familiar force.

_No._

Panicking, she tried to teleport out of the room. Couldn’t. Delphine must have realized what was happening because she charged forward, shrieking her name, before Sarah caught her and held her back.

Neither of them could teleport out of that room and there wasn’t time to run. If Delphine went inside she’d be just as trapped as Cosima was.

Still, she struggled against Sarah’s grip. “Let me go-“

A loud bang from above them cut off her protests. The ground shook. Beakers tumbled off shelves, rolled out of cabinets, smashed to the floor. The lights flickered just as the fire alarm went off and Cosima knew the floor above them was already engulfed in flames.

Her heart galloped in her chest. She was six years old again and the world was shaking but this time it meant something worse was coming and there’d be no one to hold her when it was over. Tears stung her eyes but she lifted her head, trying to be brave.

“Go,” she repeated. Delphine shook her head, and Sarah wavered, their eyes locked on Cosima but she knew they couldn’t stay here any longer. “There’s no time!” she shouted.

Sarah’s eyes were bright with pain but she gave Cosima a small nod and in a blink, they were gone. A split second later the room shook again. This time it was on their floor. Light. Heat. Unimaginable force. It was like getting hit by the train times a hundred and it didn’t hurt but it tore her apart so completely that she didn’t know who she was anymore. It destroyed her so completely there was nothing left of her to come back together again.


	23. Chapter 23

Another bang, rumbling like thunder, but this time Delphine was far away from it. Suddenly it was night, a bitter cold wind cutting at her cheeks, and she was in a field of snow tinted orange by the building engulfed in flames behind her.

Sarah let her go as soon as they were out and she stumbled away from her, walking trancelike towards the immense wall of smoke and fire. After a few feet she stopped, frozen by something stronger than the cold, watching, waiting.

“Where’s Cosima?”

It was Scott, scared and uncertain, and when Delphine turned around she saw that he was holding Cosima’s body. The sight of her broke the trance she’d been under, stirred her into action.

“Is she breathing?” she asked quietly. Scott tilted his head, not hearing her, and she strode towards them, dropping to her knees so she could check for herself. “Is she breathing?” she repeated more forcefully.

“I don’t-“

But she wasn’t listening anymore. He was taking too long to reply and besides she needed to check for herself. She needed to feel it. Her hand hovered just under Cosima’s nose and she felt a faint tickle on her skin. She placed two fingers onto her carotid, searching for a pulse and closed her eyes in relief when she found a steady rhythm.

“We need to wake her up,” she muttered.

“Do you really think that’s going to work?” Sarah asked grimly but Delphine ignored her too.

She’d just saved her life, but Delphine was furious with her.

“Do you have the Soulmagnets?” she demanded, addressing Scott instead.

“Yeah.” He nodded, looking nervously between Delphine and Sarah. “What’s going on?”

“Cosima was still in the bloody building,” Sarah muttered. “She was stuck behind the bloody forcefield.”

“You mean when it-“ Scott spluttered.

“I need the Soulmagnets _now,_ ” Delphine snapped.

 Scott jolted into action, handing her Cosima so he could open the kit find the serum and she took her carefully into her arms. It was like holding a doll filled with sand. Delphine held her tightly, trying to shield her form the cold. She wasn’t wearing much, just a thin hospital gown and a blanket Scott had wrapped around her. She didn’t even have her glasses.

She wasn’t dead, her heart was beating, air moving in and out of her lungs, but something felt viscerally wrong about her. There was a stillness that seemed deeper than her unconscious state. She looked unnatural, but Delphine couldn’t quite decide why.

Sarah knelt beside them, her soul unbothered by the cold. “Do you think this will work?” she whispered as Scott dutifully prepared the injection. “She hasn’t appeared yet… the forcefield should be down by now, yeah? But she’s not here. So, where is she?”

Delphine grit her teeth. Cosima could always find her. Her soul knew where she was as easily as her body knew how to breathe. So why wasn’t she here?

“She’ll come back,” she insisted.

“Are you sure?” Sarah asked anxiously.

She wasn’t. Cosima was energy knitted together, a concentrated, unidentified bundle of energy held together by something beyond their current understanding. What was an explosion to a human soul? Could the very essence of a human being really be so fragile that something as common as an explosion could permanently destroy it?

But Cosima’s soul wasn’t ordinary. It had been tampered with, left weakened and vulnerable. And the only thing tethering it to this world, stopping it from being blown away to wherever Delphine’s soul had been going when she’d lay dying, was a computer program.

Scott handed her the needle and she took a breath, fighting back tears as she gently looked for the right spot on Cosima’s shoulder where she would inject it.

“She’ll come back,” she repeated under her breath.

Then she pushed the needle in, and released the soul magnets into her blood stream.

///

She was nothing and something all at the same time. Fragments, slowly piecing together, but this time there was no clear form. Instead of regaining her fake body, she regained her real self. Her head, her heart, things that were named after physical body parts but which she found had meaning outside of any recognizable form.

Whatever she was, it wasn’t a living thing, but she could think and she could feel. It was different though. Thoughts were quick. Memories were instant. Emotions were raw. She remembered things she wouldn’t have remembered when she was alive. Memories of being a baby, foreign and difficult to understand but accessible alongside more recent memories that played out as clearly as they’d been when she’d experienced them.

Her fear was without a physical reaction. No heart leapt into her throat, no skin sweat, no stomach churned. It was just bright and sharp like a pinprick of light and it surged into a wave of liquid flame as she realized she might really be dead this time.

_No._

She wasn’t ready, she didn’t want to go, but she felt like she was moving very fast away from something very important.

A chorus of other emotions surged through her. There was anger, sorrow, regret, all tumbling around inside of her as out of her control as the wind she’d found herself caught on. She was spiraling away, helpless until….

_Cosima._

A voice, sound for the first time since the explosion. It sparked a new emotion, one that was golden and warm which she instantly recognized as love.

Suddenly she could see Delphine. Just Delphine, everything else around her was hazy white but she was as sharp as she would have been if Cosima had her eyes and her glasses to see her with.

“Don’t be afraid,” she whispered and her voice made Cosima’s entire being sing with light. “Just come back.”

Cosima remembered something else, something an ex girlfriend had said to her of all things, but in this moment words that had seemed like a fairy tale made perfect sense.

_I have a theory that before we leave this life, we see what we love. I mean like pit of the soul can't live without it love. And if it's strong enough, sometimes we find our way back._

It was strong. It wasn’t naïve for her to think that what she felt for Delphine was pit of the soul kind of strong, it was still here when her soul was all that was left. It had sparked inside of her when all she’d been was a soul and blossomed all through her like lilacs in the spring.

It was enough, more than enough, and she was going to follow it.

///

Delphine held onto Cosima, waiting. Scott and Sarah sat in silence on either side of her and the whole world seemed to hold its breath as the seconds eased slowly into minutes, but Cosima didn’t stir.

Heart like glass, Delphine stroked Cosima’s warm cheek, searching for any change.

“You’re not gone,” she whispered insistently. “You’re not gone, you can’t be.”

“Delphine…”

 It was Scott, his voice gentle, but she didn’t want to hear what she knew the other two were thinking.

“She’s going to be fine,” she pressed stubbornly. “We… we just need to wait-“

“Delphine,” he repeated, and this time the urgency in his voice made her look up.

Tendrils of light were falling between them, cold-white like stars streaking down in slow motion. The three of them stared, baffled for several seconds until the light stopped and spread out like a mist, changing from white to blue to green with bursts of red at the edges like an aurora.

“What is that?” Sarah asked, alarmed, and the sound of her voice made it glow bright blue before it changed back to green.

Delphine tilted her head, watching the light dance in front of them. “That’s Cosima,” she answered softly.

She wasn’t sure how she knew but she knew it with the kind of certainty that was rare for her. She’d never had faith, never believed in things outside of what she could prove, but she didn’t need proof of this anymore than she needed proof that she herself was alive.

Each word she spoke turned Cosima a different shade of gold and when she laughed, tears rolling down her cheeks, she glowed like sunshine.

“How is that Cosima?” Sarah pressed.

“It’s her soul,” Scott breathed, understanding.

“The explosion must have disintegrated the software,” Delphine explained breathlessly. “That’s…” She smiled, filled with wonder even though she was still afraid for her. “It’s what she’s supposed to be… she’s free.”

But would she stay? _Could_ she stay?

Cosima seemed to recognize her voice, though Delphine had no idea how she was capable of processing it. She had no idea what she was. And from all she’d seen this past year, she didn’t think they were ready to find out.

“You’re here, my love,” she called. “Come back.”

Cosima drifted towards her, tendrils of light curling around her, brushing against her cheeks, her neck. They were warm and cold at the same time, strong and soft, and they were singing. Delphine lifted her hand, gently pulling the light down towards Cosima’s unconscious form, and her soul yielded trustingly to her touch, allowing her to guide her down to her body.

When the light hit Cosima’s skin, it blazed white hot for a second before settling in and slowly fading into darkness.

Cosima groaned, scrunching her face. Then, very slowly, her eyes fluttered open.

“Geeze, I hate winter,” she mumbled.

Delphine’s shoulders dropped in relief and she chuckled softly as Sarah swore beside her.

“You’re OK,” she breathed.

“Of course,” Cosima shot her a sideways smile, her eyes dancing with laughter for a moment before they met Delphine’s and they softened. “I guess I still knew how to find you.”

Delphine stroked her face and Cosima leaned into her touch, eyes closing wearily. It was going to take time for her to recover. She and Sarah had been right that they’d be in no state to run from anything anytime soon.

“Hey… I think it’s snowing,” Cosima mumbled.

Her eyes cracked open again, her gaze slowly tracking something in the sky and Delphine noticed that feathery light flakes had began falling around them.

“Can you feel it?” she asked, answered by Cosima’s tired smile.

“Yeah, it tickles,” she mused.

A shudder passed through her and Delphine bundled her closer, relieved when she caught the sound of a truck nearby.

“They’re back,” Sarah announced, already starting towards her family.

Delphine eased Cosima into a sitting position, ready to help her to her feet.

“C’mon,” she said. “Let’s get you out of the cold.”

///

2 Weeks Later

_…allegations against the megacompany DYAD continue to pour in as more women come forward claiming they and their infants were part of an illegal human experiment. Alongside these mothers stands over a dozen people, mysteriously back from the dead after being reported missing over three years ago, who are now claiming they were the subjects of unethical human experimentation._

_The company is being taken to court next month, however physical proof of these experiments has yet to surface. Our reporters reached out to the company, but DYAD officials are not commenting on the case at this time…_

“They’re gonna get away with it,” Cosima grumbled, leaning back against her seat.

She snapped the laptop screen shut, shaking her head in disbelief.They were on a plane, thirty nine thousand feet above the drama unfolding below them, but Cosima still felt like it had it’s hooks in her.

“We don’t know that,” Delphine insisted next to her. Cosima shot her a look but she shook her head stubbornly. “There are dozens of witnesses.”

“Yeah, and no physical proof,” Cosima muttered.

“Hey.” Delphine took her hand, bringing it to her face so she could lean her chin against it. “We’ll be OK.”

Cosima sighed, comforted by Delphine’s touch but unable to quell the angry voices in the back of her head.

“It’s not us I’m worried about,” she said darkly. “We can’t be the only ones. The sample size would be too small. They’re going to do this again. If they haven’t already.”

“That’s why we’re going to keep fighting them,” Delphine reminded her.

“What if it’s not enough?” she worried. “What if-“

“Don’t go there,” Delphine warned her. “Look what we’ve done already. The children are safe, Sarah and the others are back in their bodies where they belong. And you get to go home.”

_Home._

A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. They were landing now, flying low over the sandy hills that gave way to a sprawling city. Soon they’d be over water, flying along the San Mateo bridge. And then they’d be landing, and then…

“They’ll be waiting for us,” Cosima said quietly.

Her stomach squirmed. She’d spoken to her family over the phone. As soon as they’d found out she was alive they’d needed to hear her voice as much as she’d needed to hear there’s. Hearing them again had brought her unimaginable joy, but now that she was actually going to see them something else was wedging its way into her heart.

Both her moms had grey hair now. They’d told her when she’d called, laughing about how surprised she’d be to see it, but there was a sadness there too. It was time she’d lost, stress she’d put them through with her disappearance. They'd sold their boat, the one they'd had since before she was born, trying to find her. They hadn't done any real research in three years.

Her grandfather was sick. He had emphysema from a lifetime of smoking. The good news was, he’d managed to quit a year ago. The bad news was, he had to carry an oxygen machine with him wherever he went. He’d told her he was fine and she knew his condition wasn’t fatal but the idea of him starting to deteriorate inside made the clock ticking inside her head speed up.

She was afraid of how they’d changed, of how much it would remind her of the time they’d lost. She was terrified that she was going to crack when she saw them, take one look at them and lose it and then she’d be this embarrassing weeping mess in the middle of what was supposed to be a happy reunion.

Catching Delphine’s eye, she knew she didn’t need to say any of these things out loud. She already knew how scared she was of seeing them and without either of them needing to speak Cosima found herself wrapped up in her arms.

“You’ll be OK,” she promised.

Cosima closed her eyes, breathing her in. "Yeah." 

They were over water now, the churning blue-brown of the bay, and they broke apart for the landing though their hands remained intertwined as the runway appeared below them and they felt the wheels touch down onto the tarmac.

///

Cosima’s family did look different, but it wasn’t the nagging passage of time Cosima felt when she first laid eyes on them. They were waiting at the gate, standing in a patch of sunlight that fell from the skylights above them and Cosima thought her heart would burst from joy at the sight of them.

Her hand slipped out of Delphine’s and, though she couldn’t see it, her girlfriend’s eyes had tears in them as she watched her bolt towards them. With a gentle smile, she stood back as the little family folded in on itself, three grey-haired figures engulfing the new arrival in a nest of arms.

Smells were still weird for Cosima. She’d grown so used to her scentless world that now everything seemed too strong. It was like someone turning on a light in the middle of the night, but in her nose. Now though, she drank them in, the most familiar scent in the world washing over her as she buried her face into her mother’s shoulder.

She was crying, clutching Cosima so tightly it almost hurt while her other mother kissed her head over and over, weeping that her baby was home between each kiss, and her grandfather held her arm in his steady grip.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, wishing she hadn’t left them.

Her words made her mom pull back, shaking her head sharply. Her mouth opened but when nothing came out, she shook her head again, sniffing back tears.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” her grandfather told her firmly.

“You’re home now,” Mama told her. She stroked her cheek, smiling softly at her. “We never gave up hope that you were out there somewhere…. And now you’re here…”

“I’m home,” Cosima told her, her voice thick. “Thanks to Delphine.”

Her family followed her gaze to the woman who was still standing a few feet away, watching them like a sheepdog standing guard over a herd. On the outside, but still a part of them.

Mom was the first to step forward, pulling Delphine into a hug that neither Delphine nor Cosima were expecting but which was returned graciously.

“Thank you,” she breathed.

As they circled around her, Delphine flushed, awkward at being the centre of attention, but Cosima reached down to take her hand. She was part of her too, the deepest parts of them had touched and left marks on each other, and Cosima wanted all of the most important people in her life to know each other.

“This is Delphine,” she said. “She found me. I wouldn’t be here without her and…” She smiled, her chest warm. “And I love her.”

Delphine’s eyes shone and Cosima thought that if she could see her soul it’d probably be a glorious shade of gold.

There was so much to explain, and more tears to be shed, but in that moment the world was whole and beautiful. The five of them stood together in a patch of sunlight, oblivious to the people around them hurrying to catch their flight or stopping to stare at the spectacle. They didn’t have forever, but they had right now and they were alive and they had each other and Cosima was pretty sure her soul was shining gold inside of her too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we reach the end of the story. Thank you so much for everyone who stuck through the whole way (I really didn't expect it to be so long haha) and for all your support. I had a blast writing this.


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